


Intentio Autem Discite

by benorganasolos, kyber_krystals



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BDE Professor Boyfriend, F/M, Gun Violence, Liberal use of Italics, M/M, Masturbation, Mention of Knife, Mild Blood, Mistaken Identity, Politics, Praise Kink, Professor Ren is in the building, Sexting, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Stalking, Stormpilot, Suspense, Texting, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Thriller, professor/ student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:23:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 82,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benorganasolos/pseuds/benorganasolos, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyber_krystals/pseuds/kyber_krystals
Summary: “I believe the difference between what justicetruly isand what itshould beis who it serves.” She states confidently, meeting his gaze across the lecture hall. “Justice in today’s world serves the interest of the strong in society, whiletrue justiceis the equitable access and applicability of rights, privileges and opportunities to everyone.”I could listen to her talk all day, Kylo thinks inwardly. She is holding his stare, the look in her eyes challenging him to tell her she is wrong.I'm in trouble.





	1. Ab Initio

**Author's Note:**

> _Intentio Autem Discite: The Intention to Learn_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caroline and I have always been hoes for Professor Ren but this idea came to us when I was helping her with a case briefing assignment. This is the result. I studied international law in undergrad, but other than that everything in this fic comes from our research, not experience. We have had so much fun writing this and really hope you enjoy it too. 
> 
> The chapter titles are all latin legal terms & every chapter will also have a song listed at the beginning that we highly recommend checking out. 
> 
> We made an aesthetic for this chapter, [take a look here.](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/173395557461/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)
> 
> We don't own Star Wars but if we did we would give Ben Solo the hug that he deserves. 
> 
> -Chelsea

**Chapter I: Ab Initio**  

_Ab Initio: From the Beginning,_

**Track:** Hey Lion by Sofi Tukker

When did his life become _this_?   

Kylo believes maybe it was when he was a teenager and he wrecked his dad’s Falcon, and Poe was there in the passenger seat. Maybe it was his sophomore year of college when he accidentally lit a grease fire trying to cook breakfast, and Poe was there with the fire extinguisher. Or, perhaps it was when he was even younger, upset because it was his fault his parents kept fighting, and when his dad finally left and his parents' marriage ended - Poe was _there._

Kylo had been there for him too, that’s just how it worked. When Poe had decided to come out to his family in high school, Kylo and his mother had helped him through it every step of the way. When Poe’s parents died in a plane crash a year later, Kylo didn’t leave his side for six days, and his mother had cleared a spare bedroom out for Poe so that he could finish his last year of school in the city.

Then there was undergrad together at Yale, where Poe made sure he left their dorm for something other than class or running and Kylo made sure Poe  _actually studied_ for the LSAT.

Kylo had been accepted to multiple different law schools but chose Harvard for his Juris Doctorate - Poe went to Boston College and they met for drinks or coffee at least every week. After practicing for a few years they both wound up at Columbia for their Ph.Ds, where they both also taught introductory law courses.

So, Kylo owed him. Big time. Forever. And he was sure Poe felt the same about him, they were brothers. Which was why he found himself at a bar on a Saturday night, staring down his second tall beer and sitting across from two of the most boring people he’d ever had to interact with in his entire life.

When Poe had asked if he would accompany him on this blind date his gut reaction had been to immediately refuse, but once again, he owed him - and eventually, he gave in. It was some consolation to Kylo that Poe and his date weren’t really having the best time either.

The woman sitting across from him is as uninterested as Kylo, after the typical niceties wore out she looked anywhere but at him and constantly checked the time on her phone. Poe was still attempting to hit it off with his date, who was a decent looking guy but most of the conversation appeared to be Poe struggling to ask him questions.

Kylo had to admit that the bar surprised him. Poe made the commute to Manhattan from Brooklyn every day, so he shouldn’t be too shocked that he knew all of the hip spots that weren’t frequented by tourists or the elite of the city. Poe was the kind of guy who took pride in finding different types of stores, restaurants, and bars that had more character to them compared to the lot.

Maz’s Castle looked more like it belonged in Queens than the Upper East Side, and Kylo loved it. The ceiling and walls were brick, and most of the light in the room was coming from a large chandelier that hung above the bar which curved around the far side of the place. The actual bar was made entirely from oak, and the liquor was stored on shelves made from the same wood. There was even a rolling ladder that Kylo had seen the bartender use more than once to reach the top shelf liquor. There were several high top tables with leather padded stools placed around them, as well as booths lining the perimeter.

There was an entire wall dedicated to playing darts as well as a shelf of old board games on the opposite end of the bar. The wall with the dart boards had a decent sized group of young people crowded around, and by the amount of laughter exploding from the group, it was clear they were having a much better time than he was.

Near the back of the group, he takes notice of one of the young women as she places her arm around a shorter female friend of hers. She has her back to him, her long chestnut colored hair is in loose waves down her back, and as she turns her head to speak into her friend’s ear over the loud yelling and cheering amongst the group, his eyes catch a hint of red reflecting in the dim light of the chandelier. He watches as they speak and laugh, distracted by her smile.

Another in the group, a young man, had just thrown what must have brought the team down to an exact zero because the girl Kylo had been watching almost spilled her beer cheering for him.

He can’t help but grin, hers is contagious.

“What’s so funny?”

He blinks as he’s forced to move his eyes away from the girl, and turns his head to look across the booth at his date who asked him the question. _So,_ he thinks, _she can speak after all._ Looking into her calculating blue eyes, he has to admit that she is pretty. He always had a thing for blonde girls when he was younger, before the responsibilities of adulthood had completely taken over his life and made dating slip to the bottom of his list of priorities. But this woman, _Courtney? Karen?_ He couldn’t remember, was as about as interesting as a brick wall.

He clears his throat quickly, stammering his response, “I- uh, nothing,” adding another nothing a few seconds later, just for good measure. She rolls her eyes as she turns towards Poe’s date, thinking that maybe he wouldn’t catch onto her dissatisfaction. She whispers something in her friend’s ear and Poe takes advantage of the opportunity to do the same to him.

“Dude, what’s going on? Are you in outer space? _Earth to Ben_.”

Kylo kicks him under the table and takes a long pull from his glass, effectively finishing off his beer. Poe was the only person left in the city apart from his mother who called him Ben, and Poe also _knew_ he was the last person in any situation to save a conversation from becoming awkward, and this outing was already way past the point of salvageable in his opinion. Maybe back before awkward silence number eight. It was time for a break and another drink.

“I’m going to...uh.” He gestured to the bar as he excused himself and made his way through the crowd, admonishing himself for never knowing the right thing to say.

The bartender is an older woman with silver hair that is almost white, with unique stripes of blue throughout, matching a pair of striking blue eyes. He orders another beer and leans against the bar while she pours the draft. From this angle, he has a better view of the brunette, and he openly admires her as she cheers on the losing team who had obviously been forced into taking shots.

She must have taken pity on them because she suddenly turns directly towards him and shouts, with a posh British accent, “HEY SNIPS! We need three more of those four horsemen shots! Winning team is taking them too!” She holds up three fingers and makes her way over to the bar, smiling widely.

“Got it sunshine! You better watch Finn, you know how he gets.” The bartender yells back at her.

 _Sunshine,_ he thinks, _how fitting_. As she gets closer he can see that she is wearing a denim skirt with lace-up boots and a leather jacket. Her lips have a light gloss, but otherwise, her face looks bright and clean, spotted with freckles. _Breathtaking._ In an attempt to keep from staring too long, he looks away and turns to where he’s facing the bar and bartender, _Snips?,_ again.

“Of COURSE!,” she replies, planting her hands on the bar beside him, “I don’t want to deal with a repeat of last weekend when he refused to leave that bench in Bryant Park, he should be okay with one shot - I mean we’ve only had what...two? Drinks.”

In a few quick movements, she’s slipped off her leather jacket to reveal a loose black tank top covered in gray stars that is… _Fuck_. It’s  _backless_. He almost chokes on his beer at the sight of her toned arms and the freckles that cover the tops of her shoulders and watches from the corner of his eye as she fans herself and looks around the crowded room.

“How are you doing?” He hears Snips ask. He shouldn’t eavesdrop, he really shouldn’t, but after taking a quick glance at the booth where Poe is sitting with _both_ of their dates, he knows that this is somehow a hundred times better than being back _there_. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks in the opposite direction of the two young women, not wanting to appear too obvious.

“Settling in! The house is great, I’m so excited to live with those two so it already feels like home.” She responds, “Did I tell you Maz gave me a job?”

“That’s awesome! Maz is the best, I’m sure you will love it in the city.” Snips answers warmly as she slides the shots over to the brunette. “Hey,” she warns, pointing a finger, “you better watch Finn! That shot has four different kinds of whiskey in it, and the last thing I need is him leaving on a stretcher.”

“I’ll try my best, but no promises!” She responds with a cheeky grin, grabbing her jacket and slipping it back on.

Kylo glances over as she does so, catching how she runs her hands through her hair and then behind her neck to gather it and pull the rest out of the collar. He’s almost relieved that the jacket is back on. Almost.

He forces himself to head back to his table, his eyes meeting Poe’s from across the bar. _Shit -_ based on the look he gives him, it’s time for Kylo to do what he does best and end the night on a bad note. He thinks he might stay and drink a little longer afterward if Poe is down to sit with him.

He takes a deep breath and sits down, “So I think I’m going to go play some darts, it was nice meeting you both...Poe?” He says this way too loudly, it’s nearly obnoxious.

“Yeah, yeah nice meeting you both.” Poe gives Kylo the _look_ , and Kylo holds out his hand for his date who looks at it and back up at him and reaches out unsurely to hold it when Kylo suddenly grasps it firmly and shakes it.

Kylo thinks it's his ability to remain completely serious even if a situation is incredibly ridiculous that makes the handshake work every time he wants to make it clear that he is not interested.

After their dates make their exit, Poe and Kylo make their way over to an available dart board in comfortable silence. Kylo grabs a dart and goes to aim it, and Poe breaks the silence.

“So,” he began, “that went well, don’t you think?”

Kylo scoffs in response, pulling his forearm back slightly and then forward again, throwing the dart at the board.

_Bullseye._

“Dude, when you said that this would be a double date, I was expecting a _human woman_ , not a piece of cardboard who only knew how to scroll through twitter.”

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Poe responds. Kylo begins to tell Poe just how unharsh it actually is when he catches a glimpse of that girl, _sunshine_ she had been called, over Poe’s shoulder. She is attempting to pick up her friend, Finn he presumes from the state he is in, and throw his arm over her shoulder to get him to stand, but she is struggling. Poe must’ve caught him staring, because he, too, turns to look at them.

“Damn, that guy is out like a light!”

“Yeah, hey - uh, you go ahead and play, I’m gonna go…. Try and help,” Kylo says, motioning vaguely to the pair across the bar.

Poe opens his mouth to respond but Kylo brushes past him, moving efficiently between the groups of people before coming to a stop by her. Her friend is now sitting at the edge of a booth seat, his head facing toward the ground in his drunken stupor, she is crouched at his feet in an attempt to get him to open his eyes and listen to her.

“Hey, Finn, buddy, I’m going to need you to work with me here,” she pleads, using her hand to shake his leg, “we need to get back home before you get worse but you’re about twice the size of me.” Finn only mumbles in response, and she drops her head and sighs in exasperation.

“Hey,” Kylo interjects abruptly, “I - uh…I couldn’t help but notice, you look like you guys need some help.”

She turns her head to look at him over her shoulder, and he is taken aback by the warm hazel gaze that met his. She stands up and she is facing Kylo directly.

“Yeah, actually, I think we would both appreciate that, wouldn’t we Finn?” Her friend is now slumped over the table. “You would think for a guy his size he would be able to handle his liquor a little better.”

She looks up at him again and their gazes catch. Kylo inhales sharply and turns his attention to Finn in order to avoid staring into her eyes for too long.

“Are you trying to catch a cab?” He asks, his voice sounding deeper all of a sudden as he steps  forward to help Finn onto his feet.

“Our uber is almost here, this is barely our second week in the city so I don’t trust myself enough to get us home on foot,” she responds.

Uber, yeah. Right. Kylo had forgotten that was even a thing.

“Peanut,” Finn groans as Kylo places his arm securely around his shoulders, holding onto the man’s wrists as he sways, “why are we spinning?”

Out of nowhere a small older woman appears with two large cups of water. She is wearing oversized coke bottle glasses and a festive looking head wrap.

“Here, child. You’re going to need it if you want to make your shift tomorrow.” The woman says to Sunshine as she hands her both cups, “Finn here doesn’t look like he is ready for water just yet.”

“Thank you Maaaaz.” Sunshine replies, while...scrunching her nose? _God_ she is perfect.

Maz then gives Kylo a strange look, shrugs and walks off towards the bar. She must own the place, which would mean that Sunshine must work _here_. He stores that information away for later use.

“You want to finish that?” Kylo asks her as she stares down her glass of water. Finn is starting to get heavy and now has his head smushed against Kylo’s arm.

She nods back at him and chugs the entire glass of water before taking a deep breath and gulping down what was meant to be Finn’s.

“OKAY! I’m sober. Let’s go!” She points to the exit doors and helps to steady Finn as they make their way outside.

He assists her in getting Finn into the car and then stands back on the curb with his hands in his pockets as she slides in beside him.

“Thank you so much! I swear he really should _not_ drink.”

“No problem at all, uh get home safe.” He pulls his hand out of his pocket to give her a little wave and feels his face start to get hot when she throws him a blinding smile and shuts the car door.

He starts to head back to the bar but stops when he hears her call out to him.

“What was your name?”

“It’s...Ben.”

“Ben! Have a good night Ben!”

Then she is gone. He will worry about what caused him to give her _that_ name later. He finds his way back to Poe and they have a few more drinks before the bar closes, and then part ways when Poe gets a text from his neighbor who is watching Poe’s dog Bee, an apricot spotted cocker spaniel who Poe treats like his kid.

Kylo begins the walk back to his loft which is only a few blocks away from Maz’s, enjoying what will be one of the last warm nights out in Manhattan.

Turning the lock and pushing open the door, he turns to the left to turn on the lights, pausing to realize how _empty_ it feels. Taking a deep breath in, he unceremoniously tosses his keys across the kitchen island crosses the living room to walk up the wrought iron staircase to where his office and bedroom are. He had finished most of the preparations for the semester but it’s become somewhat of a tradition to skim through the assigned readings the day before class begins as a refresher.

Laying in his bed, he realizes that during his entire walk home and throughout his nightly routine his mind kept wandering back to the girl from the bar. He admonishes himself for not being able to think straight enough so that he could have at least been able to ask her for her number or her real name.

He resolutely decides that he will go back to the bar and properly introduce himself to her as soon as he gets the chance before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are both over on twitter & tumblr. Come say hi! 
> 
> Caroline: On twitter [@adamnsdrivers ](http://www.twitter.com/adamnsdrivers) & on tumblr at [kyleauxrens](http://www.kyleauxrens.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Chelsea: On twitter [@benorganasolos](http://twitter.com/benorganasolos) & on tumblr at [soloish](http://www.soloish.tumblr.com).


	2. Bona Fide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have created an aesthetic for this chapter, [take a look.](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/173395259879/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)
> 
> Happy reading!

**Chapter II:** **Bona Fide**

_Bona Fide: In Good Faith_

**Track:** Simple Song - The Shins

The alarm on her phone tells her it’s just past six in the evening, and she _really_ needs to get moving in order to get ready for the first day of classes tomorrow. She had woken up at an ungodly hour to get to her shift at a bookstore that was several blocks away on time and had promptly fallen into bed as soon as she returned home for what became a three-hour nap. It was her first shift ever, and her new boss Maz also happened to own the bar she had been out at with her friends the night before.

Her boss’ bar is fittingly called Maz’s Castle, and Rey is already a regular after Paige took them there on her and Finn’s first night in the city. _Finn,_ she shakes her head, _I really should stop him after one beer._ She takes a moment to recall the very, very tall man with _great_ hair - _Ben,_ who had helped her drag Finn to their ride home _._ She _really_ should have gotten his number, he had been the first person she’d met in the city worth remembering, or rather the first _man_ she had met in the city worth getting to know better.

She was lucky she had been able to drag Finn up the steps and over the threshold into the house that she shared with him, their friend Rose and her older sister Paige on her own. After tossing Finn on the couch, Rose and Paige, who had left the bar to head home a good hour before she did, challenged her to a card game which turned into more drinking, which turned into getting up and dancing like mad whenever a good song played. This all resulted in a very late night with much too little sleep. It had been worth it.

Rey had always known that she wanted to go to law school, and when Rose was also accepted to Columbia she knew it was time to head to the east coast. Paige had been living in the city for a few years already and their parents, who had made a fortune running a steel import business, thought it was time to invest in the Manhattan housing market instead of paying what would be astronomical rent prices each month for both Paige and Rose.

Living off of Malcolm X Boulevard and 120th Street, she was in a neighborhood consisting of dark brick brownstones with architecture dating back to the late 19th century. The house that she lived in with Finn, Rose, and Paige sported a large oak door upon an ornate staircase. Inside, it opened up to a stairway to the second floor and a hallway to the living room and kitchen. It wasn’t the most beautiful or contemporary piece of architecture, but the worn wooden floors and the questionable wallpaper gave it a personality that Rey appreciated.

She had moved from sunny, dry Arizona a little over two weeks ago, and once she got used to the humidity of August in New York, she found that she a _dored_ the city. She had been born in London to parents whose faces she cannot remember, and after being in the foster care system for several years she was able to locate her grandfather in the states at eleven years old with the help of the family she had been staying with, the couple both happened to be lawyers.

He had made the trip to London to meet her, and as soon as they met she knew she would be going _home_ with him. The idea of home had always been an abstract thing to her, but she had found a home in Obi Wan, her Grandfather was kind, if not a bit of a loner - but when it came to Rey he had always said he loved her before he even knew she existed, and that was the first unconditional love she had ever experienced.

The second time she found home was when she met Finn her freshman year at the University of Arizona, they immediately made a connection after they realized they had both been in the foster system. They met Rose later when she was paired up with them for a group project in a freshman introductory course, when they discovered they were both taking courses for pre-law they became study buddies and the three quickly became inseparable.

Now for the third time, Rey was finding home, and she has a distinct feeling that this is where she _belongs_. Something in the air when she went for a run through Central Park for the first time to lush green grass and enormous trees whose leaves were slowly but surely starting to change in color. Visiting Brooklyn with Finn for the first time and sipping iced coffee on a bench at one of the many dog parks scattered throughout the borough - watching all of the city dogs run and play had since become a favorite past time.

And there were still hundreds of places Rey had yet to see, and the endless possibilities made her feel incomplete in a way that was _glorious_.

Rey finally drags herself out of bed and makes her way downstairs for something to eat. She finds a frantic Rose sitting at the kitchen island.

“SHIT! Shit. SHIT!” Rose exclaims, staring intently at her phone, “UGH, KILL ME!”

“What’s going on?” Rey carefully inquires as she pulls ingredients for grilled cheese and tomato soup out of the cupboards, a practical meal that always helps her stomach after a night of drinking.

“I accidentally... told my internship that I could work tomorrow morning, but I have class at 10:20 am, and attendance is 40% of the grade.” Rose almost looks like she is about to cry. “I can’t skip the _first day_ of my internship and I do not want to miss out on such easy attendance points.”

“How many people are in your lecture? Maybe the professor won’t take attendance?” Rey tries to make the situation a little lighter, but she understands not wanting to miss class. Rey and Rose are very similar students, they both take their studies and grades _very_ seriously. As soon as they had finalized their first semester courses they had both sent emails to their professors asking for the reading list way in advance. They had both finished all of it over a month ago.

“The class size is 120... but you know me, Rey, this internship is insane. I don’t even know _how_ I managed to make the second round of interviews let alone why they chose ME?!” Rey swears Rose is two seconds away from crying as she turns on the stove and places a small amount of butter in a pan.

“Well...I could go to the lecture, sit in and raise my hand when your name is called. If there are 120 people in the course, it’s not like anyone will remember on Wednesday when it’s you there instead of me, right?” She places a slice of bread in the pan and a piece of cheese on top of it.

“Oh my god, Rey...YOU ARE AN...ANGEL!” Rose squeals as she hops out of the barstool she had been sitting in and practically leaps over the island to wrap her arms around Rey’s waist.

“Only this once though, okay? You need to tell your internship that you have class on Monday and Wednesday.” Her words come out stern but are softened by the way Rey smiles and hugs her back.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_ …” Rose starts to sing as she backs away, knowing Rey will be cross with her if she continues the song.

“Text me the information on the course.” Rey responds only somewhat crossly as she flips her grilled cheese and takes the soup off the burner to pour it into a bowl.

“I owe you my life Rey, just know that.” Rose says dramatically and then picks up her phone and begins furiously typing what Rey assumes is the course information.

The truth is that Rey is the one who _owes_ Rose. If they weren’t friends she would probably be forced to live in a studio apartment with four other people in Queens or something. Or worse, the _dorms_.

“You can just buy me a drink sometime.” Rey responds only after she stuffs her face with grilled cheese and groans at how good it tastes. “Oh my god this is so fucking good.”

Then Rose’s phone rings and she grabs her things and heads upstairs after thanking Rey what feels like a hundred more times. _One class shouldn’t be a problem, right?_ Rey thinks to herself, _as long as I play the part correctly, the professor won’t even know._

After finishing her grilled cheese and cleaning up her dishes, Rey heads back upstairs to read over the syllabus for her first class - which, fortunately for Rose is not until 12:40 pm. _International Trade Law_ , she reads at the top of the syllabus on her laptop screen. She begins to highlight the assigned readings, copying and pasting them into her calendar so that she can read them again before each class. She does this for the remainder of her courses and then pulls out the course pack to get reacquainted with the material.

Before calling it a night she unplugs her phone from where it sits on her nightstand to check her messages. She screenshots the one from Rose which includes the name and location of the course she will be going to in the morning,

**_Professor Kylo Ren: Introduction to Criminal Law - Jerome Greene Hall, #106_ **

She sees that Rose has also emailed her a word document with all of her reading notes for the class, with a little note that says: _just in case :) xoxo I’m buying you shots at the end of this week beautiful._ She rolls her eyes as she presses the print button on the doc Rose sent. She will read through them over breakfast in the morning.

She types out a response to Rose on her phone and makes her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face.

> **Rey:** _Don’t be extra! It’s just one course. I’ve got you girl._
> 
> **Rose:** _I love you...wait why are we texting?? we live together? -____-_
> 
> **Rey:** _You’re right, want to go watch The Office downstairs and laugh really loudly to annoy Finn? Maybe he’ll finally get his ass moving._

She hears Rose scream, “ _YAAAAAAAS”_ from her bedroom down the hall and stops by her own room to grab a pillow and blanket on her way downstairs.

They end up watching netflix for an entire hour before they hear Finn begin to emerge from his room, which is off of the living room.

“Fuck, I’m never drinking again.” He groans as he walks through the living room to the kitchen for a glass of water. “Rey, next time I swear - don’t. Let me drink.”

“Oh _Finn_ , next time just one drink okay?” He has been a lightweight his entire life and typically avoids liquor - sticking to beer and wine. But being in the city must have been too exciting because this had happened four times since they’d arrived. She can’t fault him though, it had basically been a vacation before the start of the semester.

“Also _who_ yells?” Finn complains at Rey and Rose as he makes himself something to eat. The two women immediately share a look and burst into obnoxious laughter, much to Finn’s annoyance.

“Whatever, screw you guys.” He says and then plops directly in between them on the couch with a plate of leftover pizza in hand.

Rey is _happy_.

They stay up for another good hour before calling it a night. She wishes Rose and Finn luck with their respective “first days” tomorrow and then heads upstairs to her room to fall into her bed.

Rey sends a text message to her Grandpa letting him know how her day went and telling him she would call him after her first class tomorrow.

She then sets her alarm and lets her mind drift, thinking of a tall, dark haired man with impossibly large hands waving goodbye to her outside of a crowded bar in the warm midnight air, all of Manhattan's lights twinkling around them, before she finally succumbs to sleep.

______

 

After waking up to the sound of Rose drying her hair she pulls herself out of bed and grabs the notes she had printed off of her desk, heading to the kitchen to make herself breakfast, shutting off her alarm on the way.

Knowing that she would have no time to come home for lunch Rey prepares a large breakfast of orange slices, scrambled eggs and whole wheat toast with avocado on top for herself. She sprinkles salt and pepper over the eggs and toast and pours herself a large mug of coffee that Rose must have made earlier, adding cream and a teaspoon of sugar. She sits herself down at the island to eat and read over the notes Rose gave her.

“Bye! Thanks again, good luck in your 12:40!” Rose breezes past her on her way to the front door. Rey notices she is wearing the navy pant suit and cream silk dress shirt her and Finn had helped her pick out last week when they had gone shopping in Union Square.

“You look HOT!” Rey yells back at her before she hears the door slam shut. She had paired the outfit with open toed cream and camel colored heels that she was ridiculously good at walking in, and an oversized camel colored bag to match. Rey feels a twinge of sympathy and hopes she packed some flats for the commute home.

Rey finishes her breakfast and fills up her water bottle, snagging a protein bar and an apple from the fridge to throw in her backpack for lunch later. Once upstairs she showers, moisturizes and applies mascara and lip balm before throwing on a white t-shirt, jeans and her trusty all white adidas. Her hair is still wet but it should dry fully by the time she gets to campus.

 _I don’t want to stand out_ **_at all_ ** she thinks, _I am Rose Tico from 10:20 until noon today._ She can’t help but laugh at herself in the mirror as she thinks of the situation she literally volunteered herself into. _Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen?_

Once her backpack is packed she heads downstairs, throwing on her sunglasses and putting in her earphones to begin what is her first day of _law school_.

It still feels surreal to her, after all these years of working to accomplish her goal, that she is actually enrolled in one of the top law schools in the nation.

When she had been placed with the family who ultimately led her to her Grandfather, she had known that she wanted to be able to help children like they helped her. Rey loves the idea of helping families, which is why she has been going back in forth between getting into lobbying or going into family law after finishing her Juris Doctorate.

Lobbying would help her influence policy and be a real advocate when it comes to law making, but family law would allow her to make connections with people that she couldn’t do running back and forth between politicians offices all day.

Rey finds herself pulling up Rose’s text message on her phone, reading the course’s location and the professor’s name again. _Kylo Ren? What kind of a name is that?_ As she walks she thinks of what the professor with the odd name will look like. _Is he old? American? Or is he from some vague foreign country with an interesting accent?_ Pulling herself out of her daydream, she looks up and there it is, _Jerome Greene Hall_ . It could almost be a government facility if not for the enormous black sculpture right above the entrance. _What even is that?_

She shrugs and makes her way to the lecture hall, her headphones still in and St. Lucia making her surroundings feel electric and _brighter_ as the beat pulses and the melody plays out for her ears only.

_Innocent hearts right in the middle of it_

_Innocent hearts, sign and deliver_

A glance at the clock on her phone tells her that she has a full fifteen minutes before Rose’s class begins so she runs to the bathroom only to find that there is a line.

 _Shit_. She stands in line for several minutes, constantly glancing at her phone to make sure she won’t be late. She is washing her hands with five minutes to spare.

 **Lecture Hall #106** , the sign outside the door indicates and as she heads into the classroom she immediately begins searching for a place to sit in a hall that looks...well. It looks like everyone except her has already sat down.

“Take your seats, the lecture will begin shortly.” A deep voice calls out from the front of the hall. Rey feels her heart drop to her stomach and she freezes, turning to see where exactly that voice is coming from when her eyes land on a familiar face.

Fuck.

_Ben?_

Her heart starts to pound rapidly and her cheeks are immediately on fire. That is definitely Ben from the bar. Ben from the bar is Rose’s Professor? Ben from the bar with the hair and the… _I’m in trouble,_ she is definitely. In trouble.

She takes a deep breath and quickly turns her back to the front of the room to shield her face. She spots a middle seat all the way in the very last row. She all but runs up the steps in an attempt to avoid being recognized.

“Welcome to L6108,” he announces from the room behind his podium, “Introduction to Criminal Law. I’m Professor Ren. Since today is the first day, I will be doing a roll call of all 120 of you. Attendance is key here at Columbia Law and for the rest of your professional lives if you want to be successful.” _Ben_ announces from the front of the room, in a voice that is somehow deeper and even more distinct than in her memory.

 _I’m going to die_ , she thinks as she finally takes her seat and pulls the notes Rose sent her out of her backpack.

As she sits in her seat far removed from the majority of the other students currently forced to pile into the last remaining front row seats, she examines who _Professor Ren_ really is. He looks different than how he looked Saturday night, she notes. That night at the bar he was dressed plainly in a black t-shirt and dark jeans. Currently, on the other hand, he is sporting a pair of glasses along with a mustard colored button down, a grey tweed sports coat, black slacks and black dress shoes. He looks, well… he looks _good_.

Once everyone is seated, he begins citing off names in alphabetical order, always looking up to see who answers “present” to when their name is called _so as to place the name to the face_ , she realizes with a sense of dread that there is no way she is going to avoid being seen.

Rey listens intently as he makes his way through the last names beginning with “S” with her heart in her throat.

And then -

“Riff Tamson?”

_“Present.”_

“C’ai Threnalli?”

_“Present.”_

“Rose Tico?”

Rey attempts to slow her pounding heartbeat with a deep breath, and projects her voice to ensure that he will hear her answer.

_“Present.”_

It was so quiet in the room that you could hear a pin drop.

 _Stupid_. Rey didn’t even consider getting rid of her accent. _No going back now_.

He had looked up sharply, intently seeking the owner of the voice the moment the first syllable spilled out of her mouth.

Their eyes meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun. dun. dun.


	3. Caveat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy May the 4th everyone! We have created an aesthetic for this chapter, [check it out](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/173590179006/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)~
> 
> Also huge shoutout to [sadboykylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadboykylo/works) for reading this over and giving us her input. Do read her AU's if you haven't, they are amaze.  
>   
> Thank you to everyone who has commented, shared and given kudos to this fic! We love you!!!

**Chapter III: Caveat**  

 _Caveat: May he beware_  

 **Track:** From Eden by Hozier

 

“Rose Tico?” Kylo had called from the front of the lecture hall.

“ _Present_.”

 _Wait_. He knew that voice. _Sunshine,_ his brain had practically screamed at him. He had been looking downward at the class roster, and upon hearing her voice his head snapped up immediately, desperate to locate the girl he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the previous day...and all morning.

It was as if all of the air in the lecture hall had been sucked out in a matter of seconds, and the other 119 bodies filling the seats all faded away. Kylo found himself staring deep into a pair of rich hazel eyes that _definitely_ belong to the girl from the bar.

 _What kind of cosmic joke is this?_ To find her again so quickly, and to know that she is definitely off limits.

He takes a moment to truly look at her, which at this point is becoming a habit of his - staring at this girl. _Is her hair still damp from showering?_ He locates the windows to the right of him and sure enough, there is no indication that it had rained between the time he arrived in the building and the time class started.

_Fuck._

After a few seconds of pure silence, he clears his throat, attempting to refocus on the task at hand and _definitely_ not think about how _the cute girl_ from _the bar_ was _sitting_ in his _class._ Raking a hand through his hair, he breaks the reticence. “Right - uh, let me continue with the list.” He could feel his palms beginning to sweat.

Once he finishes up on the long list of names, noting those who weren’t present, Kylo then pulls up the powerpoint to the first lecture of the semester. He turns to face the class, recognizing that she, _Rose_ , is actively avoiding eye contact, while the rest of the student body seems apt for him to begin.

“This lecture,” He starts, “coincides with the reading I assigned for you to complete prior to class. I _will_ make it a point to call on every student at random, so be prepared.”

As he begins his lecture, he slips off his jacket, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his strong forearms beneath. He paces around the stage with heavy footfalls, projecting his voice across the lecture hall and gesturing with his hands. He takes in the sight of how fresh and eager the students look now, which is bound to change as the weeks toil on. Speaking about the requisites of justice, he turns to the students and asks, “who can tell me the _four_ justice delivery errors,” pausing to peek at his roster, “Ezra?”

And Ezra names off the answers correctly, but Kylo finds himself distracted as his eyes drift towards the rear wall of the lecture hall, where the girl in a simple white shirt has made it a point to sink as far over the desk to take notes as possible. The corner of his lips curl up in a ghost of a smile and he thinks to himself - _now, this will just not do. An attentive student would_ **_try_ ** _to be seen by their professor._

“Now, Rose,” he says, putting extra emphasis on her name, “can you tell me what justice _is_ and what it _should be?”_

She jumps in her seat as if she had been abruptly woken from sleep by a nightmare, obviously caught off guard by the fact that he specifically chose _her._

“I - uh,” she begins softly, pausing for a moment and gathering her wits.

“I believe the difference between what justice _truly is_ and what it _should be_ is who it serves.” She states confidently, meeting his gaze across the lecture hall. “Justice in today’s world serves the interest of the strong in society, while _true justice_ is the equitable access and applicability of rights, privileges and opportunities to everyone.”

 _I could listen to her talk all day,_ Kylo thinks inwardly. She is holding his stare, the look in her eyes challenging him to tell her she is wrong. _I’m in trouble._

He blinks and realizes that he had begun to rest his weight on his elbows on top of the podium. Straightening up, he replies, “very good answer, Rose. If you continue to answer questions that resolutely, I believe you’ll see yourself succeeding in my class.”

She responds with a shy smile, ducking her head back down to her notes in front of her to hide the flush that has begun to spread across her cheeks.

 _She must like to be complimented_ , he muses, noting how alluring she looks with pink cheeks, knowing that _he_ was the cause makes his uncharacteristic adulation even more worth it.

The next slide is a twenty minute video on the mechanisms of the U.S. Court System, which gives him a chance to sit down and cool off after everything.

 _This is not good._ He had been having what would now be considered inappropriate thoughts about this girl since the moment he had laid eyes on her Saturday night at that bar. All he had been able to think about was finding her again, and fate had led him right back to her, only to have her be his student. _Christ_.

He is royally _fucked_.

After the video fades to black, Kylo stands again, straightening his shirt cuffs and slipping his jacket back on.

“Since today was your first day, we’re going to end here for now. Good luck with the rest of your classes, and please feel free to email me or visit me during my office hours if you have any questions, both are on the syllabus. Success is key here, and I want to help you achieve it. Class dismissed.”

All at once, the students grab their belongings and begin to filter out of the lecture hall. He curses as about ten students begin to crowd him, God knows they have questions about a lecture that barely consisted of any material. He has been teaching for two years and it never fails.

He ignores the gaggle of overachievers waiting to harass him with questions as he searches the room for the student that has occupied his mind for the last 36 hours.

Finally, his eyes land on her, he notes that she is stuck waiting for the traffic jam of bodies to clear the stairway to the exit. Kylo quickly slips his papers back into his black briefcase, and begins to leave when another student steps in front of him, asking some mundane question about how their participation grade will be evaluated.

“Like I said, if you have questions my office hours are listed online and in the syllabus.” It comes out harsh but he really can’t bring himself to care. By the time he is able to get away, Rose is no longer in the room.

He all but sprints into the hallway, dodging bodies and willing the girl to appear.

 _There._ He catches a glimpse of her as she slips out the glass doors of the building.

He will let her leave, he decides resolutely.

_It’s not like I won’t see her again._

 

___________

 

Rey is practically hyperventilating by the time she makes it to the building where her _actual_ first class is held, with over an hour to spare she locates a restroom and after twisting the faucet on, she practically dunks her head under the icy cold water.

 _I must be cursed._ She stares at her reflection in the mirror while grabbing a paper towel to dab the water off of her face and neck.

She groans as as she notes that her face is still flushed. Trashing the paper towels, she pulls out her phone as she walks out the door, typing out a text message to Rose,  

> **Rey:** _We are in deep shit._

Out in the hallway, she spots a comfortable looking enough chair by a window, and luckily it has an outlet for her to plug in her laptop.

Once she’s comfortable she digs around in her bag for her protein bar, it’s only 11:10am but eating will give her brain something to focus on besides the fact that she would never be able to face...Ben? again unless she wanted to be “Rose Tico” for the rest of her life.

 _He definitely remembered me._ She feels her phone vibrate against her thigh,

> **_Rose:_ ** _You’re joking...I hope?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I met your professor at the bar on Saturday…_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _You’re full of shit no way_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Yes. He helped me drag Finn’s drunk ass out to our uber. I never gave him my name though, and now he thinks I’m you._
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _WTF WHY US?_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _I mean do you think he even noticed you?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Oh...definitely. It was acknowledged in every way it could have been in a classroom setting..._
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _Woah <.< what do you mean by “every way” _

Rey bites her lip and exhales, recalling the way he had stared so intensely into her eyes from across the hall. How had that even been possible from that far away? And the way he reacted when Rose’s name was finally called and it was her who answered...did he really recognize her voice? 

> **_Rey:_ ** _I could tell by the way he looked at me. That alone would have been enough but then he also “randomly” called on me to answer a question._
> 
> **_Rose_ ** _: Wow. Now I’m curious… is he hot?_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _Also shit, what are we going to do?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Rose!! Aren’t you worried about getting caught?_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _I CARE A LOT MORE ABOUT THIS… Professor!!! You met in a bar! Hello (O_O)_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Okay…. Yeah. He’s not...unattractive... Like, I kept thinking about how I should have gotten his number. Ever since I left the bar on Saturday AHHHHH_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _You kno what,,, I’m just going to go to class on Wednesday and act like everything’s normal…_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I mean I’m not about to go to his office hours and confess ;_; I swear he even followed me out of the class I had to BOOK it_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _I know we should be adults about this but I’m dying...Rey…_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _STAHP! Omg I can’t._

She locks her phone and puts it back down on the chair when she feels it vibrate again, unable to stop herself she opens up only to see that Rose had sent her an image. Of her Professor.   

> **_Rose:_ ** _This is him right?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Rooose….Where did you find that??_
> 
> **_Rose:_ ** _Google is a magical place, it’s great for finding pics of ur hot professor that ur roommate wants to get to know better_ ^^
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _This is torture. I’ll see you at home._

She pulls up the picture of Ben again. Contemplating his blank stare and tilting her head, deciding that it really doesn’t do him justice - she pulls out her laptop and opens up a new window typing the name “Kylo Ren” into the search bar, she glances back down at the image of him on her phone once again before locking it and placing it back on her chair. 

The first thing that appears in her browser is his Linkedin page, which must have been where Rose found the photo so quickly. She scrolls a little further to find that he has been quoted in a few news articles covering high profile criminal cases.

_He must have practiced before becoming a professor...I wonder how old he is?_

She clicks on one of the articles from _The New York Times_ courts and the judiciary section, taking a drink from her water bottle. The headline reads,

**“CEO Alfred Snoke Appears in Court for Weapons Trial”**

Underneath the headline, there is a photo of the court proceedings, and there she sees Ben, sitting next to this _Snoke_ \- an ancient, haggard looking man who, upon reading further she finds had been accused of manufacturing and selling illegal weapons to foreign extremists groups.

From what she can gather, the man should have been thrown in prison but was acquitted. The reporter notes that Snoke’s legal team had been lead by, “the young and highly sought after criminal defense lawyer Kylo Ren and Snoke’s longtime attorney Eva Phasma.”

She feels her stomach tighten into knots as she continues to read. As someone who has wanted to be a lawyer for most of her life, she understands that everyone has the right to an attorney and a fair trial - that principle is the foundation of the entire U.S. Court System. But that doesn’t mean she would ever lower herself to defending someone who had brought as much death and destruction as this _Snoke_ person.

 _If he is so highly sought after, then why is he teaching introductory courses at university?_ She thinks, puzzled.

She clicks out of the article to go back to the search, finding several more stories about the case and a few more in which he had defended other people accused of arms dealing through Snoke’s company, _The First Order, Inc._

The most recent thing she finds is a press release announcing his new position as faculty at Columbia, where he would be teaching classes while he completes a Ph.D, which dates back nearly two years.

She comes to the conclusion that he must no longer be practicing, seeing as how there hasn’t been an article on a case where he is mentioned since it was noted that he took up his post at the University.

_Good riddance._

She gathers her things and heads into her next class, she is at least twenty or so minutes early and most of the seats are open. She selects a seat in the back that is far away from everyone else in the classroom. Pulling out her laptop in order to view her reading notes. The class is titled _International Trade Law_ and it is taught by a Professor Dameron. Looking at the syllabus she sees that today they are going over sanctions.

She is surprised when someone decides to sit right next to her instead of taking one of the many open seats in the classroom. She still has her earphones in so she decides to just continue to stare at her computer screen, reacquainting herself with the material.

Then, the person next to her is...tapping her shoulder? She turns her head towards the source of the _jabbing_ , and her gaze is met with a pair of sharp blue-green eyes.

“Hi, I’m Armitage. Armitage Hux.” The red headed man sitting next to her says, his face held in what looks like a permanent scowl. She pulls one of her earphones out. He’s british. 

“Oh, hello.” She replies, “I’m Rey. Kenobi. Rey Kenobi.”

His eyes widen in surprise at her accent, his scowl briefly slipping into something akin to interest, “What part of England are you from?”

“London. But I really consider myself American now, I’ve lived in the states so long.” She replies, thinking that maybe it would be nice to know someone in her class, despite the fact that this guy is a little forward.

“Oh, right. I’m from London too, I just decided to come to New York for Law School, my father’s company operates in the states so he wanted me to get my education here.”

She nods, effectively ending the conversation by putting her headphones back in and waiting for the class to begin. _What was that? That was weird, right?_ She questions internally.

Several minutes later the Professor walks in and begins the lecture. Rey takes vigorous notes, making sure to save them every few minutes. Professor Dameron doesn’t lose her attention the entire class, charismatically interacting with the class by asking open ended questions. She has to admit that his looks - the dark curly hair, tan skin, trimmed five o’clock shadow - help a bit.

Once the lecture ends, her classmate speaks to her again, “So Rey, can I get your number? Maybe we could study together sometime?”

She studies him again, and thinks that he looks harmless enough, with his full red beard and longish hair - and it _is_ always nice to meet new people when you’re in a new place.

“Why don’t you give me yours and I’ll text you?” She states while staring down at her phone.

Once that is settled she waves goodbye to him and makes her way to the building that houses her next class. She has a little under an hour before it starts and had agreed to meet Finn, who also just finished his first class of the day, for coffee.

Finn had started his graduate degree at the Fu School of Engineering and Applied Science at Columbia, just as Rey and Rose were beginning law school. He claims he chose Columbia because he wanted the freedom to plan his own program instead of prescribing to one that the university chose for him, but Rey knows that he really just didn’t want to be separated from herself and Rose, and she can’t blame him.

Moments after she arrives at the coffee shop Finn joins her in line, she grabs onto her backpack straps and bumps into him, “How’s your first day going?”

“It’s awesome! I just stopped in to introduce myself to my advisor - Professor Andor? He seemed chill.” He responds, shifting forward with the line of students all needing that afternoon pick-me-up that an iced coffee would bring.

She debates on whether or not to tell him about her and Rose’s predicament while he continues to tell her about his day so far. _What harm could it do?_ She reasons with herself, and after they make their orders she decides to fill him in.

“So - let me get this straight,” Finn blinks at her, “the big dude from the bar who was making eyes at you all night - is Rose’s professor...” He pauses, taking a sip of his drink, “and now he thinks that you’re Rose because you went to class to get her attendance points, and he recognized you?”

He looks disbelieving and a little bit amused, and Rey can’t help but laugh at his expression. “Yes. I’m not joking. You noticed he had been staring at me? Since when?”

“That was _before_ you made the call that winning team takes shots too.” He rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “To be honest _I_ was kind of making eyes at who he was with, that’s how I caught on.”

“Oh?” She raises one eyebrow, her mouth lifting at the corners into a smirk.

“Yes, his friend was...very attractive.”

“Was he? I didn’t even notice Ben until I went over to order from Snips.” She thinks back to seeing him sitting there, his broad frame hunched over the bar. She had noticed his hands immediately, the pale skin a stark contrast to his long sleeved black shirt. She remembers her eyes widening at the sheer size of them, and then noticing them again a few hours earlier as he taught in a lecture hall. “He’s not so bad himself.”

“He seemed a little, I don’t know...intense? He was nice though, to help you get me home.” Finn replies, shrugging as he speaks. “What are you going to do?”

She pauses and bites at the green straw of her drink, she really has _no clue_. 

“That is a good question…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter next Friday, we might just earn that rating...


	4. Eo Nomine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have been loving all of the response to this little project of ours so far! Thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos, tweeted us or sent us messages on tumblr.  
>   
> Also, we made an aesthetic for this chapter, [check it out here](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/173740288434/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)~

** Chapter IV: Eo Nomine **

  _Eo Nomine: By That Name_

  **Track:** Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

 

It is the blaring sound of a cell phone ringing that pulls him from his sleep. He groans as he moves to sit up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heel of his palm. He looks over to the nightstand to the left of his bed, where a clock that reads “5:15AM” flashes in red.

He reaches over, mumbling curses to himself. His hand scrambles to unplug his phone and he clears his throat before answering - _“Hello?”_ His voice is still voice thick from sleep, and he coughs loudly into the receiver. _Good, they deserve it for calling at this godforsaken hour._

A voice far too happily replies, “Good morning, Mr. Ren!”

 _Oh. It's her._  

“Ms. Netal.” He replies, attempting to hold back the tone of distaste that threatens to drip from his mouth.

Bazine Netal is Snoke’s personal assistant. A tan and leggy woman who has always had a pension to hang around Kylo’s personal office while he worked at the First Order. At first it was amusing to him - a pretty woman going out of her way to try to get his attention, placing calculated touches on his arm, shoulder, hands, always smiling at him - but eventually it became _too much_ for him.

_“Mr. Ren? I'm going out to lunch - would you like me to grab you something? Or maybe you would like to join me?”_

_“Thank you, Ms. Netal, but no._  

She would personally drop off documents to him, always closing his office door and stretching her body as she planted her palm on his desk and leaned across it, always ensuring he would get an eyeful of her chest before he had an opportunity to look away.

 _“Mr. Ren, I’m going out with a few friends tonight - would you like to come with me?”_  

_“No, thank you. I already have plans for tonight.”_

Once she even came to his side of the desk to place a case file in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder and standing far too close to be professionally appropriate. 

 _“Kylo, it's my birthday tonight.”_  

_“Oh, well happy birthday Ms. Net-”_

_“Join me? For dinner? As your gift to me?”_

He had to let her down eventually, giving her the - _I don’t believe this behavior is appropriate in the workplace_ spiel _-_ but she never quite gave up. Up until the day that he stormed out of the First Order she would linger at the threshold of his office, always demurely asking - _is there anything I can do for you? -_ and it was always answered with a - _no, thank you._

And now, here she is, calling him at 5:15 in the morning on a random Tuesday in the middle of August.

“Good morning, Mr. Ren. I’m calling on behalf of Mr. Snoke. He wanted me to see if you would come by for a meeting with him this afternoon - a new case, you see. You would be his defense attorney.”

Kylo has to take deep breaths in order to keep himself from blowing up on this girl - _No. Not this again._

“Ms. Netal,” he starts, “please inform Mr. Snoke that I _will not -”_ punctuating the last two words, “- be joining him this afternoon. And, from now on, if he needs to speak to me he will do so _directly.”_

She audibly stutters her response of - _Yes, Mr. Ren, I apologize for calling you so early, I will make sure to pass along your message -_ obviously taken aback that he had answered with a stern _no._

He hangs up and falls back onto his bed, spread out on the expanse of it. He turns over to face his clock again, 5:18 am. _There’s no sense in going back to bed now,_ he thinks to himself. _I may as well go for a run._

He throws on joggers and a sleeveless t-shirt and heads down the stairs and out the door of his building. Letting his mind get swept up in the blur of his surroundings, he runs all the way to Central Park. It’s early enough that he doesn’t have to stop at any crosswalks, only passing by a few shops with lights on, no doubt getting ready to serve coffee to the early morning rush of workers and students.

His thoughts then wander back to one student in particular. One he quite wished wasn’t his student at all. The curve of her waist in that sleeveless, _backless_ top she had worn at the bar. The slope of her neck when she had pulled her hair out from under the collar of her jacket. Her intense gaze cutting him from across the lecture hall when he had called her out, and the hypnotizing sound of her voice as she confidently replied.

 _It’s just one semester_. _I can handle being attracted to a student for one semester_.

He would have to keep his distance until then, with everything else hanging over his head, an inappropriate relationship with a student was the last thing he needed.

_No matter how drawn I am to the girl._

_______________

 

The clock now reads 2:45 in the afternoon as Kylo dismisses his last afternoon class for the day. After fending off a group of overachieving students who ask the most nit-picky questions over the reading, he packs his briefcase and heads out of the building. Having finished early and it being such a nice day, he figures he will walk a few blocks from campus to visit a favorite bookstore/library hybrid that he hasn’t visited since the end of the past spring semester and take advantage of the free time to get some research in for his dissertation.

Kylo begins his walk, stopping at the intersection of Amsterdam and Morningside in order to walk through the park that lays in between him and his destination. While waiting in a sea of people for the crosswalk light to signal that it is safe to walk, he pulls out his phone and feels his mouth run dry from the notifications on his screen.

 _(4) Missed Calls: Alfred Snoke_  

_(3) Unread Text Messages: Alfred Snoke_

_Ren - call me._

_This is an urgent matter._

_Did you forget that I own you?_

He stares at his screen, unmoving. He looks at it for so long that the screen turns off from not being used any further. The group of people surrounding him begin to move, knocking him with their shoulders and bags. Once he returns to his senses, he hurries across the crowded street, dodging bright yellow cabs attempting to turn right through the group of people while blaring their horn.

Once he’s made it across the street, he pushes his phone back into his pocket and attempts to focus on the park surrounding him. It is so vibrant and alive during the summer months, with flowers blooming and geese swimming in the pond. Nevertheless, his mind keeps drifting back to those messages Snoke had left. _Did you forget that I own you?_ \- feels like it had been permanently marked on the inside of his eyelids, and despite the distractions that surround him, it is all that he is able to see.

He had left Snoke and the First Order all behind when he had finally been able to see the reality of his situation. He let’s the memories replay in his head as he continues his walk -

He’s 12, in an uncomfortable tuxedo at a charity gala with his mother. A young Ben Solo is staring off in the distance at some statue in the middle of the floor when an old, bald man crouches to his eye level, and lightly pokes Ben’s chest with his index finger.

_“I’ll have to keep my eye on you, boy. If you’re anything like your mother or uncle, you’ll be a very successful young man.”_

Another memory comes to mind. This time he’s 17, at his mother’s celebration for just winning the election for New York City’s District Attorney. Ben is standing in the corner by himself, swirling a clear plastic cup filled with a too sweet concoction of punch when that same old, bald man approaches him.

_“Ben, I hear you’re quite the student. Salutatorian of your class, am I correct?”_

_“Valedictorian, actually.”_ Ben replies flippantly, eyes still aimlessly glued to his cup.

_“Ah, my mistake. What are your college plans, son?”_

_“I was accepted to Northwestern, NYU, and Boston College. Waitlisted for Yale.”_

The old man clicks his tongue. _“Yale is my alma mater, young man. How great would it be to see you go there as well. I am Alfred Snoke. I don’t believe I have properly introduced myself.”_

Ben had gone to Yale, and Snoke had continued to apprehend him whenever he would make the trip from New Haven to the city, one time even showing up on campus. That had been when everything changed. 

 _Vader_ , he curses to himself. He had been 22 when the truth of his Mother’s parentage was revealed to the rest of the world, and himself. It was right after his graduation from Yale, and at the time he had been angry at _everyone_ in his life for keeping it from him, for _lying_ to him. Everything could have been avoided if they had just told the truth. He would have put his trust in the right people. He would have never let himself get caught up with Snoke. 

His parents had always told him that Luke and Leia had been adopted, and that their biological mother had died during childbirth, their father following shortly after. The truth of it all was that Anakin Skywalker, known to the world by his pseudonym Darth Vader, had gone dark after the death of his wife. Some would even say that it had been before that, that he had been the one who killed her.

One of the most prolific mobster lawyers in history, he had eventually been taken to trial by his own son - Luke Skywalker, for a poetic ending to a long career of killing, corruption, and _lies_. He had always looked up to his Uncle Luke, but when it was revealed that it had been his own blood that he was famous for throwing in jail - that Vader was Kylo’s _grandfather_ , not some random criminal. All he had felt was utter betrayal. 

Then came the doubting, the memories of overheard arguments between his parents all catching up to him. _He’s too much like your father._ He had heard Han mutter before slamming the door on his 11 year old face. As a child, Ben had been prone to fits of rage. Destroying things, punching holes through walls. He hadn’t understood what his father meant then, but he did now.

After the scandal of his bloodline had made headlines, he stopped answering phone calls from his family and applied for law schools outside of New York. He enrolled at Harvard Law under the name Kylo Ren, wanting to set himself apart from his family. At first, he had been adamant on cutting them out of his life, but as time went on and with some urging from Poe he reconnected with his mother before his graduation. 

All that time Kylo was in Boston, Snoke crept into his life, acting as a mentor and father figure, promising him a job immediately after his Juris Doctorate was complete. Despite Leia’s protests, Kylo had accepted the job and lawsuits against The First Order came one after the other - never actually going to trial until a year later, when Kylo was made the head of Snoke’s personal defense team. 

That was when his uncle had reached out to him, “Come home Ben, stop defending this madman.” He had pleaded. Kylo had had some choice words for him, along with his father - Ben had admired his Uncle Luke, wanted to be just like him growing up, and his betrayal had cut deep.

After that, Kylo had made it his personal mission to get Snoke acquitted. It was his revenge, and he succeeded only to have it slowly destroy his life. After two years with Snoke, he needed a change. And when he showed up with his resignation letter, Snoke had revealed that Kylo owed _everything_ to him. His entrance into Yale, and ultimately to Harvard had all been Snoke pulling strings.

That was how he wound up at Columbia, partly because it was where he had always wanted to attend law school but he had avoided applying there due to the connection with his family. And he needed to prove to himself that he was worthy of his accomplishments, that he didn’t need anyone’s influence to achieve his goals. He applied for their Ph.D program without telling anyone and enrolled shortly after being accepted. 

Columbia had announced him as faculty before Snoke had anything to say about it, threatening to reveal all that he did to get Kylo accepted into Harvard and Yale, he had been forced to remain on retainer with Snoke. Kylo wasn’t certain, but he had reason to believe that Snoke may have done something illegal in order to get him accepted, and he simply could not take the risk of it being revealed to the press, ruining not only his career but his mother’s chances at being elected as well. 

He sighs as he comes upon the understated storefront, Snoke could wait.

_______________

 

It is a quiet Tuesday afternoon at _The Holocron_ and Rey is nearly through with her shift. The sun is streaming through the large windows at the front of the store, illuminating the ever-present dust floating in the air. Maz had given her a list of chores dedicated to clearing _out_ the dust that she had finished an hour before, but it seems to be a constant companion to the towering aisles of cherry wood shelves stacked with books.

With Autumn approaching Rey wistfully concludes that everybody is out enjoying the hot sun while it lasts, and that's why business is slow. 

She makes use of her free time and roams through the aisles running her fingers across the spines of genres from self-help, textbooks, to... _there,_ fantasy novels. After scanning the rows her eyes land on a familiar title, _Deathless._ Rey pulls it from the shelf and begins to thumb through it. 

She recalls that the first time she read the novel she had become so immersed in the world of the heroine _Marya Morevna_ , stolen away from the harsh reality of a life made hollow with hunger by a tall man with dark, wavy hair and swept into a fantasy world of the Tsars and Tsarinas, the rulers of life and death. 

 _How nice would that be?_ She muses while clutching the book to her chest and leaning back against the stacks. _To be stolen away from all the things that make life terrible by a handsome man._  

In a way, she had been stolen away from a life of hunger. But it had been through her own strength, rigor, and compassion that she had overcome the unfortunate upbringing she was dealt.

“That’s right,” she whispers to herself in admonishment as she slides down against the shelf to sit on the worn wooden floor. “I was dealt a bad hand in life, without parents and passed around like I wasn’t even... _human,_ but here I am right now, in New York besides it all…”

For some reason that is lost on her, and that she tries her damndest not to dwell on, she can not help but feel that something is missing from her life. 

She opens the novel to page 43, running her finger underneath a passage in the middle of the page, quietly reading it out loud:

 _“But thoughts are not food. Alone and birdless, Marya Morevna wept...”_ Her voice trails off.

 _I’m still so lonely._  

Abruptly, she’s pulled from her morose thought as she hears the tell-tale sign of the bell on the door ringing as someone walks into the store. Pulling herself off of the floor, still holding the book to her chest, she yells out in a cheery tone,

“Hi, welcome in!” 

She hears heavy footfalls coming in her direction, and she turns to make her way out of the aisle to greet the customer.

She suddenly finds herself face to face, or rather, face to _chest_ with... _Ben?_

Or is it Professor Ren?

She pales, tilting her chin upwards to meet his gaze. Stepping back, she attempts to put a little space between them. 

“Uh - hello Professor Ren,” she says, turning her head to face the wall of books to her left, trying to distract herself from the feeling of his gaze wrapping around her, “is there anything I can help you with?”

She hears him inhale and then, _“If the world is divided into seeing and not seeing….”_ He recites a quote from the book she clutches so closely to her chest.

 _“I shall always choose to see.”_ She finishes for him, turning her head at the last word to meet his gaze. “What business does a law professor _like you_ have with a book _like this_?”

“In my defense, a large theme in the book is government and war.” He responds with a slight shrug, his voice so low that she has to hold back a shiver _\- why, why does it feel ten degrees hotter all of a sudden? -_ He then steps even closer to her. “What business does a law student _like you_ have with a book _like that_?”

Rey holds the book out in front of her and turns it over in her hands, looking down at the cream-colored cover decorated with the black silhouette of a woman surrounded by winding branches. She traces her thumb over one of the birds amongst the branches. 

“Books have always been a friend to me, since I was a little girl.” She states, meeting his gaze again. What’s odd is, he _isn’t_ looking at her _face_ this time, but rather, her chest. She looks down in confusion and then feels her mouth go dry at the realization that he’s looking at _her name tag._

She shoots her head back up and this time he _is_ looking into her eyes.

“I can explain,” she blurts out, pulse already beginning to pick up.

“I don’t understand, is Rey your nickname?” He asks, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Your name on my roster said Rose.”

“Uh, actually, I have many nicknames.” She responds, reaching back to grasp the back of her neck, her tone embarrassed yet resolute, “But Rey isn’t one of them...and neither is Rose.” 

She grimaces as she feels her cheeks flame, wishing for nothing more than for the universe to swallow her whole at this. exact. moment. Professor Ren looks visibly confused, with his head slightly tilted and brow furrowed.

Without even realizing it, Rey finds her back is pressed against the shelf of fiction books and he’s facing her, and he’s so _close_. _I could just reach out and touch him,_ she thinks to herself. She shakes her head, inwardly scolding herself for letting her thoughts get so sidetracked.

“Rey. Rey is my name. It was never Rose in the first place” She explains, nervously running her thumb along the corner of the book in her hands, “Rose is my roommate, and she asked me to cover her in class yesterday, a one time favor.” 

He’s takes a step back, tilting his head back while pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “You do realize that that is against the rules, right? That is considered academic dishonesty, Rey. I should report you to the board.”

 _I’m dead. I’m really dead._ She thinks to herself, _my career will be over before it even starts if I get expelled from law school._

“But I won’t do that, not to you.” He finishes quietly.

She shoots her head up quickly to regard him, “Why not? According to you, I seem to have committed the most heinous crime possible for a student.” She replies flippantly. Itching to move, she brushes past him and out of the aisle. She walks toward the seating area in the back, where an aged jade blue velvet couch and tired baroque armchair sit around a brick fireplace. She sits down on the middle of the couch, leaning her elbows on her knees and resting her face in her hands.

“Well actually…” He starts as he follows her out of the aisle, “There are more atrocious crimes for a student to commit, like fraud. Or murder.”

She looks up to glare at him in response. He moves to sit on the ottoman directly across from her.

“You seem like a good student, with a lot of potential. That’s why.”

Sitting so close to him, she’s able to pore over his features with more scrutiny. He looks young, older than her for sure, but young. His skin has a random dotting of beauty marks and the ghost of facial hair. His dark, wavy hair barely reaches to top of his shoulders. He must've come from class, because he's dressed in an outfit similar to yesterday's, a dark blue shirt with a light green checkered pattern. Behind his glasses, his eyes are so dark she can hardly discern where his iris begins and the pupil ends. 

“Professor Ren, I -”

“Ben. Call me Ben.” He interrupts.

Her eyes immediately snap up to meet his gaze, if at all possible she feels herself blushing even more.

_What kind of game is this?_

She sighs in resignation and picks her weight up from her elbows and leans back against the couch.

“What is it with this whole fake-name-thing of yours?” She asks, motioning her hands in the air vaguely. She thinks back to what she had found out on her little google search the day before, and wonders if it has something to do with his previous client.

He quirks a brow at her, “I could ask you the same question, you know.”

Rey takes the book sitting in her lap and tosses it at the seriously _giant_ man sitting across from her in mild annoyance. “I already told you, _Professor._ ” He catches it without even batting an eye, holding her gaze intensely, she notices the way his eyes spark at her intonation of _Professor_. Feeling her heart skip a beat, Rey moves to stand, brushing non-existent dust from her clothes as an excuse to look away from his face.

“Anyway...can I help you find anything?” She says abruptly, her voice sounding off to her own ears. Feeling the need to put some distance between her and the man before it becomes too obvious that she is flustered, she takes the book from his hands, her breath catching when their fingers brush. She fights the urge to look back up at him and heads towards the fiction aisle to re-shelve it.

“I was just going to look over some old law encyclopedias,” he calls out as she walks away from him, “I’m working on my dissertation, and I remembered something I had stumbled across last time I was here in my research.”

She answers with a quiet “huh” as she slips the book back into its rightful place. She knew that of course, she had read it on her school’s website. 

“So, do you come here often?” She calls out over the towering walls of books separating them. After a long pause, she rolls her eyes and winces at her choice of words- _Maybe he didn’t hear that._

Figuring she may as well make herself useful, she heads to where the law encyclopedias are, only to find him already there. “How long have you been teaching?" 

He scans over the shelves in front of him quickly and reaches up to easily pull one of the books from the one of the higher shelves.

Mentally, Rey is gaping at the realization of how _tall_ he is. _I need a ladder to reach something on that shelf._

“This is only my second year teaching,” he says plainly, effectively interrupting her thoughts, “I’m working towards my Ph.D., so I teach an introductory course.”

_Only two years. That means he’s young, right? He has to be young, I mean he hardly has a wrinkle on his face._

“I thought you worked at the bar?”

It’s so off topic that Rey can only tilt her head in confusion. “What gave you that impression?”

He opens his mouth to respond when he’s suddenly interrupted by the sound of the bell attached to the door, alerting them to the fact that they are no longer the only ones in the store.

“Rey? I’m so sorry I’m late. You can go now!” Rey’s coworker, Kaydel, calls out as she sets her bag down near the front desk. Breaking the quiet spell that floated in the air between them. 

_Wait..._

“Late?” Rey repeats to herself quietly. “Wait, LATE?” Eyes going wide, she looks down at her watch and curses to herself. “Shit shit shit, it’s barely my second day and I’m going to be late.”

Ben only stares at her, amused as she practically sprints to the front of the store.

“I need to make it to class, you have fun _refreshing_ or whatever.” She yells out to him as she grabs her bookbag and runs out of the door. She stops herself by grabbing the doorframe, just for a moment, to look back at him one last time.

“By the way, your LinkedIn profile picture _really_ does not do you any justice.” 

His eyes snap to meet hers in surprise, and he must be quick because he immediately laughs and she knows that _he knows_ she looked him up, “I’ve been told I don’t photograph well.” 

She can’t help but smile back at him before walking out the door, remembering how her heart had fluttered at the way his entire face changed when he smiled.

She suddenly found herself _very_ interested.

__________________

 

Rey had made it to class with just enough time to find a front row seat and pull her laptop out. _Torts and Remedies_ was the name of the class - taught by a Professor Mitaka.

She found herself thinking back to how close Ben had gotten to her when he had come into the bookstore all throughout class, wriggling in her chair and crossing and uncrossing her legs in an attempt to relieve the _embarrassing_ ache between her thighs. Her mind continuously flashed with images of the two of them together, glimpses of bare skin and lips, effectively distracting her from the slew of legalese coming from Professor Mitaka’s mouth.

As soon as the professor dismissed the class she tore herself out of her seat, contemplating locating the nearest bathroom stall so she could shove her hands down her pants and relieve the tension that had been building from the moment _he_ stepped into the bookstore. She decided against it, figuring it would be worth saving for the comfort of her own bedroom, and walked home.

She tore her shoes off, tossed her bag in the entryway and ran up to her room to fall face first into the cool sheets covering her bed. It is hot and humid outside, and her face is still sweaty and red from her walk home. She rolls over onto her back and stares at the ceiling, letting out a sigh that she didn’t realize she had been holding in.

How was it that she had run into him three times in a city with millions of people in such a short time period? And each time they encountered one another she felt... _something._ She lets out a low breath at the thought. He is a _professor_ , readily equipped with evidence to possibly _ruin_ her _academic and professional career_ before it even starts. And yet, the idea that he holds the power to do so but had chosen not to - _I won’t do that, not to you -_ sends a shiver down her spine.

 _Does he feel it too?_ She asks herself, thinking back to his dark eyes in the afternoon sunlight across from her, the breath of his words fanning across her face as he asked - no, _told_ \- her to call him Ben. She exhales, unbuttoning her jeans and lifting her hips to slowly peel them off of her legs.

Remembering his hands and how they had caught the book she had tossed at him so effortlessly, she pulls her shirt up to reveal her stomach and begins to softly trace the fingers of her right hand along the seam of her underwear, fingernails barely dipping below the fabric. 

Her free hand reaches up through her shirt to undo the front clasp of her bra. She then drags the shirt up further so that her breasts are exposed, nipples immediately hardening due to the cool temperature of the air-conditioned room. She imagines _Professor Ren’s_ hands as she opens her mouth and slides her pointer and middle finger in against her tongue. Whimpering, her hips thrust forward of their own accord and she reaches her tracing fingers down to cup herself through her dampened underwear, hips undulating as she fucks her fingers into her mouth. 

 _No, no there is no rush,_ she mentally reminds herself - so she pulls her fingers out of her mouth and drags them across her right breast, coating it with her spit as she rolls her hardened nipple between her fingers. 

She closes her eyes, and her blood rushes to her cunt as an image of full lips latched onto the tanned skin of her chest flits beneath her eyelids, and she gasps as she begins to palm herself through her panties, rubbing her fingers up and down along her seam and enjoying the feeling of the cotton tugging at the bundle of nerves every time she thrusts forward. 

She feels her face get hot as she pictures _Ben_ wrapping those too big hands around her hips and shoving his face into her crotch to mouth her through her the thin cotton. Her eyes begin to water and she rises up onto her knees, pulling off her shirt and bunching it up to shove between her and the bed in order to have _some kind_ of friction, some kind of _relief_.

She grinds down onto the fabric of her shirt once, twice and it is _good_ but it is _not enough,_ so she raises herself up on all fours, imagining Ben pressing her front up against one of the shelves in the bookstore, she shoves her fingers down the front of her soaked through panties, dipping them into her pulsing heat before dragging them, _finally_ up to her clit.

She arches her back and rubs at herself, letting out little puffs of breath with each drag of her fingertips as she feels the familiar pressure begin to build.

She works at herself tirelessly, frustrated because she is so _close_ but she needs _more_. Her walls are aching at the emptiness, and she whines as she allows herself to picture _his_ fingers pushing inside of her. His voice soft and demanding in her ear, _baby, you take it so good,_ and how in awe of how _tight_ she is for him as he slowly drags his fingers in and out of her.

She can almost feel the phantom pull of his fingers stretching her, filling her up - and as she feels her pussy clench down on nothing she is _shaking_ with need. She slides two fingers into her wetness, thrusting forward and curving them in order to reach that illusive spot so deep inside of her. _There._ She arches her fingers to rub at that spot again and again until she can’t take it anymore. 

She flips onto her back, her legs bent up to her chest and hanging open, her heart pounding and her blood rushing to her head. She reminds herself to breathe and inhales deeply, dragging her fingertips up to rub circles around her clit as she groans and changes position again, this time kneeling, balancing with one palm flat on the bed with her back arched, the push and pull of her fingertips against her nub is exquisite matched with the cold air against her exposed sex.

Her face is on fire and she feels a drop of sweat drip down her neck and in between her shoulder blades as she brings one elbow down on the mattress to brace herself, all the while her fingers drifting down to her entrance to gather at her own wetness before sliding them back up to bring herself to release.

The last thought she has in her mind before her world shatters is Ben behind her, grabbing her thighs and pulling them apart before latching his mouth onto her sex, taking her swollen clit between his lips and _sucking._

Rey’s entire body tenses and she is right there at the edge when she feels the enormous pressure that had built up inside of her erupt, her toes curl as she simultaneously shoves her face into the mattress to muffle her moan and thrusts her fingers inside of her cunt to meet the telltale gush of liquid running down her legs and onto the comforter.

She is still panting as she feels the muscles of her lower stomach flutter, her sex is pulsing with aftershocks that radiate pleasure up her torso and down her thighs as she pulls her fingers out of her warmth and collapses, boneless on top of her bed.

She looks down at her body to find that her flush had spread from her face down to her breasts. and her inner thighs are shining with her fluids. She reaches up to wipe her forehead and finds the crown of her head to be drenched in sweat, her baby hairs no doubt curled and stuck to her forehead.

 _Fuck, this is not good._ She thinks as she catches her breath, remembering her lurid thoughts of the professor and how they had literally brought her to her knees, desperate for relief.

_But it is good. So good._

She has never come that hard in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey, sweetie...


	5. Quaere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you _so_ much for the response to the last chapter!
> 
> As always, we have created an aesthetic, [check it out.](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/174049418446/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)
> 
> Thank you for reading! x

** CHAPTER V: Quaere **

  _Quaere: Query_

  **Track:** Pulling Me Under - Kevin Garrett

It's been three weeks since Kylo has seen Rey. Three weeks. The restless agitation he feels at that fact is the only reason he had agreed to meet the man sitting in front of him. He needed a _distraction_.

“So, Ben, how is the semester turning out so far?” His uncle asks him as he cuts into the brunch laid out in front of him.

“Please, Uncle Luke, call me Kylo.” He grunts, staring aimlessly into his coffee as he stirs it.

His Uncle, Luke Skywalker, is also a professor at Columbia law, and an attorney made famous by putting away who was later revealed to be his own father. He had been calling Kylo and leaving voicemails asking him to catch up, _“You know, for being coworkers, we hardly see each other.”_ He had said in one of his messages _._

So, Kylo had finally acquiesced, which was why he found himself spending a gloomy September Saturday at Bubby’s in SoHo with his uncle of all people. It had been more difficult for him to reconcile with Luke than anyone else in his family, and their relationship was still rocky.

Luke looks at him puzzled, and finally asks, “Why do you insist on going by an alias, even by your family?”

Kylo sighs as he picks up his fork and knife and cuts into his french toast. “Because, if I didn’t set myself apart from you and my mother, I wouldn't be able to claim anything that I have built myself as my own.”

His mother had been the District Attorney for the past 15 years and was looking at announcing a run for Senate in the near future. Popping a bite of his brunch into his mouth, he finally looks up from his meal to meet his uncle’s gaze. Luke frowns, but he doesn't look like he wants to push the subject any further.

“I’m curious, how is your dissertation coming along? You're already in your second year, and Ph.D.’s usually take three to four.”

His dissertation topic involves the use of bad character evidence and the role it plays during the trial process. It had been a huge part of Snoke’s trial, the number of people coming out of the woodwork with what Kylo had been able to identify as “Bad Character Evidence”, which should not be taken into account and used against someone accused of something unrelated. Which the jury seemed to take into account as such, seeing as how ultimately all charges had been dropped. He regrets that trial to this day, especially knowing all that Snoke has done. He should have let him rot.

“It could be going better, honestly, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” He responds cooly.

“Have you considered getting a research assistant?” Luke asks, left eyebrow tilting upwards. “I met with a student last week for advisement, very very bright. I think it would be good for you and them alike.”

 _This was a mistake._ Kylo thinks inwardly, _I can't take this incessant questioning._

Kylo only mumbles in response, lifting his coffee to his lips. After taking a sip he says, “Uncle Luke, really, I don't think that's necess-”

Luke raises his hand in protest, effectively cutting him off.

“Please,” he asks, “let me send you their resume.”

They say their goodbyes after brunch, and Kylo is so tempted to wander over to _The Holocron,_ just as he had been tempted to stop the real Rose Tico after class for the past three weeks to ask after Rey.

It had turned out that she wasn’t _his_ student. That thought had gotten him through many aching nights over the past three weeks. He couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty thinking of her so often, and sometimes inappropriately. But that spark he had felt in the bookstore when their hands had brushed against one another, he was sure by the little catch in her breath and the widening of her eyes that she had felt it too.

Finally, back in the comfort of his loft apartment, Kylo opens his laptop to the notification of a new email.

      _Subject: Thank me later_

 _From: Luke Skywalker, J.D. <_ [ _lukeskywalker@columbia.edu_ ](mailto:lukeskywalker@columbia.edu) _>_

 _To: Kylo Ren, J.D. <_ [ _kyloren@columbia.edu_ ](mailto:kyloren@columbia.edu) _>_

_Message Body:_

_Attachment: reykenobi_resume.pdf_

Kylo's mouth goes dry. Surely it isn't _that_ Rey, right? Columbia is a major university, it's possible that there are more than one _Rey_ in the law program. Life has never been this good to him before, so now should be no exception, right?

He opens the document, and at the top left-hand corner he finds her contact information:

_Rey Kenobi_

_The University of Arizona, Class of 2017_

_Columbia University Law School, Class of 2020_

_(602)-283-2873_

_reykenobi@columbia.edu_

_Oh god, a phone number_ , Kylo thinks to himself. _Do prospective employers send an email or call? What is more appropriate for a professor to get in touch with a student?_

What if it is her, though? If it is, Kylo can't decide if it's a sign that life is going his way for once or working against him in the worst way.

_There’s only one way to find out._

__________________

“ _Okay_ , but hear me out, if the EEOC believed a partnership was treating some partners unfairly, it should be within their scope of the investigation to subpoena their business documents.” Rose explains to Rey.

Rey chokes on her coffee and waves her index finger in Rose’s face.

“No no _no_.” She starts, “the EEOC was organized to protect employees from employers, and they confessed in open court that they believe it wasn't a sham partnership! So that means - wait, hold on.”

Rey is interrupted by her phone that is currently buzzing against the glossy oak of the table. She and Rose decided that they would spend their afternoon helping each other with their case briefs at a quiet coffee shop just around the corner from their house.

Rose opens her mouth to argue against Rey, but her attention is turned to the phone on the table. “Aren't you going to answer that?” She asks her friend.

“It’s not a number I recognize,” Rey responds, “It’s probably just a spam caller.”

She reaches for her phone, figuring she will just press the power button to silence the ringer, but the little voice in her mind tells her _to answer it, see who is calling you._ So she swipes the icon across her phone screen and puts it to her ear.

“Hello?” She asks.

She hears the person on the other side of the line clear their throat, and she isn’t quite prepared for what she hears next.

“Is this Rey Kenobi?”

 _Oh._ Rey immediately recognizes the voice. She turns her head to face her friend sitting across the table from her, wearing an expression of disbelief, and her hand whips up to cover her mouth as she tilts the receiver away from the sound of her inhale.

“Who is it?” Rose whispers to her.

Rey removes the hand covering her mouth slowly, moving it up to rest against her forehead. “Yes this is she,” she responds to the caller, “Who is this?”

_I know who this is._

“This is Ben.” His tone is matter of fact and his voice is unmistakable.

“Professor Ren?” Rey answers, still making eye contact with Rose.

Rose’s jaw falls slack. “ _THE_ Professor Ren?” She mouths silently.

Rey can only nod in response, and Rose subsequently faux- faints against the back of her chair and fans herself.

“How did you get my phone number?” _How did you find me again?_

“My un- my colleague gave me your resume. Professor Skywalker. I am searching for a research assistant for my dissertation, and he believed that you were a brilliant student that would be a great candidate for the position.”

Rey feels her cheeks warm at the compliment, noting the earnestness in his tone. “Professor Skywalker? He and I discussed an internship at our last advisement appointment-”

“Can I see you?” He interrupts.

“I... _Yes_.” Her response is automatic and it’s suddenly very warm in the previously cool coffee shop.

“Okay. Good.” He lets out a loud breath, sounding relieved at her response.

The line stays silent for a beat, and she is looking anywhere but at Rose who is no doubt grinning from ear to ear. Rey filled her in on their encounter at the bookstore, but nothing more. Nothing about how she had stained her sheets thinking only of him - once, twice and just this morning, lazily bringing herself to her peak while visions of dark hair and even darker eyes fluttered across her consciousness.

Then Rose kicks her under the table, bringing her out of her reverie.

She yelps in pain and winces, shooting a glare at the black haired smirking girl sitting across from her and speaking into her phone, “You have my email, right? Why don’t you send me the information on the research, that way I am prepared for our talk.”

“Right, I’ll do that.” She can’t tell his mood from the tone of his voice this time, but she has a feeling that he is as reluctant as her for this _connection_ of theirs to end.

“The topic is something that Skywalker said might be of interest to you specifically.” He picks up, his deep voice confident and sure this time, “I look forward to seeing you again.”

Her heart skips a beat and she smiles into her phone at his words, because despite her hectic schedule and friends who keep her busy - she had been thinking of him often, every time the bell on the door at the bookstore rang she would hope that it was him prowling through the entrance to thumb through the law encyclopedias and just maybe he would _look_ at her in that _way_ of his again.

Every time she passed that strange and towering black sculpture outside of Jerome Greene Hall her eyes had sought him out amongst the sea of bodies lingering by the entrance of the building. Even when she had gone out for drinks the other night with her roommates at Maz’s, she looked for him.

And finally, in her bed where they hadn’t actually met, the man in her dreams both in sleep and waking, dark eyes and locks of dark hair alluded her, whispering in her ear to _be good for him_ and holding her against his warm, firm chest. And she wonders for what has to be the millionth time what it would feel like to touch him again.

“I look forward to seeing you again too.” And it is the truth.

“Professor.” She adds.

“Rey.” His voice is gentle, like the autumn breeze currently causing the tree branches covered in ruby red and golden yellow leaves to sway and shutter through the windows of the storefront.

“Yes?”

“Call me Ben.”

With that, the line cuts off and she is left reeling. Her eyes snap to meet Rose’s who is looking about as dumbfounded as Rey feels.

“What the fuck was that?” She asks, grinning.

“He wants me to...be his research assistant?” Rey can’t quite believe it herself.

“Well, I think he likes you.” She wiggles her eyebrows and brings her tea up to her lips to take a drink.

Rey rolls her eyes, “he’s a Professor Rose.” She says, hopelessly wishing that that fact didn’t turn her on quite so much. “And he’s at least ten years older than me.”

“So? You’re both adults, you aren’t even his student.”

She casts her eyes down at her closed laptop and thumbs at one of the stickers covering it. One she had bought on her hike in Colorado last summer. _Arapaho National Forest_ , the evergreen font reads.

Her grandfather was an avid explorer, and when he found Rey that didn’t change. Every year when school was let out he took her on “adventures” as he had called them. They stuck to Canada and the U.S. for the most part, but last summer had been her first solo hike, her grandfather becoming a bit too old in age to accomplish what Rey had sought out to do.

She recalls what it had felt like to reach the trailhead, the determination and anxiety as she begun the initial climb to the peak. And the thrill of reaching the top of the mountain, snow and icy cold wind whipping her hair around her face in the middle of August. It had been worth it, the ache in her bones was nothing compared to the fulfilling feeling of looking out at the grey and blue of the Rocky Mountains from 13,000 feet up and _knowing_ that she could accomplish anything, everything.

“I’m...interested.” Rey states after a brief pause. Her eyes snapping to meet those of her friend. If she is anything at all, it is brave.

“Finally! You admit it.” Rose responds, her small hand waving and pointing at her. “I had a feeling after the LinkedIn photo, but knew after the bookstore.”

Rey tries to hide her dismay at Rose’s admission but realizes that she had never been good at hiding her true feelings. And Rose _knows_ Rey, so she really shouldn’t be surprised at all.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Like I said you’re both adults, law school lasts three years? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“You can’t be serious, that’s the same thing we said when I went to class for you!” Rey laughs, tossing her balled up straw wrapper at her friend.

“And look! _Nothing_ happened.” She responds, matter-of-fact, her head swiveling dramatically as she spoke. “He didn’t even take any of my attendance points away.”

“How do you know? Does he have grades up already?”

“No, I asked him.” Rose responds, once again sipping her tea. This time Rey is shocked at her friends words.

“You spoke to him?!”

Rose nods.

“After class that Wednesday, I waited and introduced myself to him, and after explaining the situation he didn’t seem to care that much.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s funny that he let me speak with him though, every other class we’ve had he practically runs out the door. The other students always complain that he never answers their questions after class before storming out. He really is an intense guy. Crazy smart though.”

Rey takes a moment to consider her friend's words, she _knew_ he was insanely intelligent. His resume was highly impressive at his age...how old was he _anyway_? _28? 35?_ Either way, he had made a name for himself acting as defense counsel for The First Order at the very start of his career. Once again, she wonders what drew him to leave everything behind and _teach_ of all things.

“Even if I am interested, I won’t accept a Research Assistant position if it’s a study that is unjust.” No matter how often her thoughts linger on the Professor, she won’t jeopardize her morality by contributing to something that would harm people.

“I take it you read a few New York Times articles on The First Order cases?” Rose asks apologetically.

“Of course, I had to google him after you sent me that photo.” She answers, her voice dropping in volume.

“I actually mentioned to someone at my internship that I was taking a class with Professor Ren,” She begins, looking reluctant to continue, “and apparently he has a...reputation. According to them, he’s ruthless and will use any means necessary to get his client acquitted.”

“Ruthless...how?”

“Apart from the ‘any means necessary’ you mean?”

Rey rolls her eyes and nods her head, urging her friend to continue.

“Well, he’s known for having 'fits of rage'. Destroying things. Cursing. It’s rumored that he purposely lost those last two cases in order to be fired because Snoke had coerced him into staying on somehow.”

“I thought he left The First Order to come to Columbia?” Rey asks, eyebrows scrunching in confusion.

“He’s still on retainer according to _The Resistance.”_

“So he threw cases and still wasn’t fired? That seems odd.”

“Hence the rumor that he’s being kept on...” Rose trails off and Rey can tell she is choosing her next words carefully, “I don’t want to say against his will, but there has to be some reluctance there.”

“Why didn’t you didn’t tell me this earlier?”

“I honestly wasn’t sure if you were interested, it’s just gossip anyway. I’m sure you’ll know more soon.”

And then she has the nerve to _wink_ at her.

“ _Rose_.” Rey hisses, trying not to disturb the others working in the small coffee shop.

Her friend just smirks at her and then shifts her attention back down to her work.

She gets a text at that moment and hoping it’s Ben she unlocks it and checks it quickly, disappointed that it’s not a message from the Professor, but from her classmate Armitage Hux.

“Ugh.” She says out loud, Rose looks up at her but doesn’t say anything and continues working on her assignment.

Armitage has asked her to study with him at the main library, so she types out a response telling him to meet her there in an hour.

“Finn said he’d be here in 30 minutes, I’m going to meet up with a classmate to study. I’ll see you at home.” Rey tells Rose. 

After packing up her things and hugging her friend goodbye she makes her way to the library, stopping to pick up a sandwich and crisps on her way.

When she arrives at the library she refreshes her email, and her heart skips a beat at the message in her inbox, the sides of her mouth beginning to curl up into a smile.

_Subject: Research Assistant Position_

_From: Kylo Ren, J.D. <kyloren_ [ _@columbia.edu_ ](mailto:lukeskywalker@columbia.edu) _>_

 _To: Rey Kenobi <reykenobi_ [ _@columbia.edu_ ](mailto:kyloren@columbia.edu) _>_

_Message Body:_

_476 5th Ave, noon tomorrow. I have attached some information related to my dissertation._

_Attachment: badcharacterevidence.pdf_

_Best,_

_Kylo Ren, J.D._

_Columbia Law School_

_212-854-2640_


	6. In Personam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made an aesthetic for this chapter, [take a look here.](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/174553249354/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the%20rel=)
> 
> Happy reading x

** CHAPTER VI: In Personam **

  _In Personam: In Person_

  **Track:** The Shade - Metric

 

“Call me Ben.”

After hanging up, Kylo only could only stare at the closed door of his office. It _was_ her.

 _“Rey.”_ He says her name out loud in a rush of air.  

After spending weeks longing for a girl whose last name he did not know, it had been his uncle of all people who had led him back to her. He thinks back to their conversation and mentally chides himself for sounding so eager upon his realization that Rey Kenobi is his _Rey_.

But, she wasn’t really his - not yet at least. Whenever Kylo had the time for his mind to wander he found himself thinking of her in that backless top at the bar, or in his classroom with damp hair, or in the filtered sunlight of the old bookstore, he would get hard against his own volition.

 _Fuck._ He could feel himself becoming hard in his shorts at the thought of her. Kylo is alone in the privacy of his home office, yet the truth of the tenting of his pants makes him feel incredibly _guilty_. She was a student, and now a prospective employee of his and he could not keep his dick from reacting like a sixteen year old’s.

He exhales deeply, shutting the top of his laptop. He rifles through his student’s papers and then turns his head to the windows, ensuring that they are closed. Kylo tries to focus on grading, he _really_ does, but all he can think about is _her_. He leans back in his office chair with a deep sigh, running his palm from where it was resting near his knee up towards the center of his thighs.

 _God._ He is hard, he thinks as he drags his hand back and forth across the seam of his grey sweats. Noone has ever affected him in the way that Rey has, no matter how hard he tries he can’t stop thinking about her - and many of those thoughts seem to go straight to his dick.

Feeling depraved, he groans and reaches up and under the elastic waistband of his shorts, he had skipped boxers - just having thrown on the shorts after his post workout shower. He traces his fingers through the hair at the base of his cock, teasing himself while his other hand white-knuckle grips the edge of his desk. 

He can feel his face beginning to get hot as his cock twitches, and the increasingly familiar pressure in his groin heightens as he imagines her in his lecture hall, her gaze cutting him from across the rows of students. 

How would she look at him if she were straddled across his lap in his desk chair right that very moment? He pictures her flushed face as he finally takes a hold of his aching cock, wrapping his hand around it and stroking upward- he closes his eyes and lets out a puff of breath. 

He imagines her grinding down onto him, her mouth would be slightly parted and her eyes glistening in the grey afternoon light filtering through his windows. He takes a moment to flick his thumb over the tip of his cock, spreading the moisture he finds there. He curses and tears off his shirt and shorts, sitting back in his chair he tilts his head back and begins to stroke in earnest.

His breath is coming in pants, the pressure in his lower abdomen now causing his vision to narrow. He lets out a barely audible whimper as his hips thrust forward slightly on their own. Images flash beneath his eyelashes of kissing her neck and gripping her hips.

He feels his muscles begin to tense pleasurably, _closer._ He moans and tugs himself just a little harder and he's  _closer still_ and he’s - 

Interrupted by the shrill ringing of his iphone.

 _“Fuck!”_ He curses out loud at the image of Poe’s dog Bee that is currently shining at him from the screen of his cell phone under the name “Dameron”.

He curses, frustrated as hell as he was _almost there_ and swipes right on the screen to answer. 

“What?”

“Come to Brooklyn for the night, I’m lonely.” Poe says in a mock pout.

“It’s not my fault your blind dates suck.” Kylo responds, his voice sounds a little more aggravated than normal given his current circumstances, but he supposes Poe is used to it by now.

“Well if you won’t come to Brooklyn, buzz me in. I’m outside with Bee.”

“What the fuck Dameron.” He yells as he switches his phone to speaker and pulls his sweats back on. The ache between his thighs is quickly abating, but given how often he’s been engaging in these sorts of activities, he will likely finish later.

 _Get a hold of yourself Solo_. He thinks as he feels himself twitch in his pants at the thought of _later_.

“What? It’s not like you had plans?” He laughs at him. “Besides, I could use your advice.” 

Kylo groans and tells Poe he’ll buzz him in in five minutes, taking that time to walk up the stairs to his bedroom and pull on a pair of black jeans and a navy flannel shirt before buzzing Poe in. 

He opens the door and Poe’s dog Bee rushes him, jumping up on his legs, her tail wagging happily at the sight of him. Kylo kneels down and rubs her ears in greeting, letting her lick his face to her heart's content.

“Ben, come on I’m trying to get her to stop doing that.” Poe lightheartedly complains and drops Bee’s leash, walking past them and into Kylo’s kitchen with a few bags in his hands. 

“She likes it.” Kylo says as he scratches underneath her collar - his black jeans already covered in dog hair. Bee is a 3 year old cocker spaniel, her fur is white with apricot spots and she has the cutest black nose. Kylo loves Bee, he even considered getting his own puppy after Poe adopted her but she wound up at his place so often due to the proximity of his loft to campus that he really didn’t have to. 

He even keeps special treats and a few toys around his place for when she comes over. Dogs were so much easier to get along with than people, if they decided they liked you it stayed that way forever.

“I put some of her food in the fridge along with some stuff to cook dinner, do you have wine?” Poe questions as he eyes what he is assuming are Kylo’s two six packs of beer in the fridge.

“I think I have a bottle or two in the wine fridge.” He responds, gesturing to the other side of the kitchen.

Poe reaches for two glasses and picks one of the two bottles, uncorking it and pouring two glasses all while Kylo shows Bee to the stash of toys he keeps for her. 

“What’s the occasion?” He asks his friend, pulling himself into a standing position and walking over to take a seat at his counter.

“I heard from Leia that you had met with Luke earlier and wanted to see how that went.” Kylo levels a glare at him, knowing that there is more to it. “Plus,” He continues, “I was hoping you’d keep Bee tonight. I’m meeting this guy for drinks and didn’t want to go all the way back to Brooklyn just to leave her at home by herself.” He sheepishly brings his hand up to the back of his neck and takes a sip of his wine.

“I don’t mind.” He shrugs, eyeing Poe further. “Who’s the guy?”

“Oh you know, it’s probably nothing. I don’t want to get ahead of myself.” Poe shakes his head and Kylo smirks, his friend really is a serial dater. 

“How’d you meet this one?” 

“Actually, it was kind of cute.” Dameron says, “ You know that dog park by our favorite coffee spot in Brooklyn Heights?” 

He nods, urging him to continue as he shifts his gaze to look at Bee who is now sprawled out on the hardwood floor next to his bar stool, chewing on a bone he had picked up for her just last week.

“I met him there while he was waiting for his friend to meet him, I’ll get to her later - but Bee just kept bringing a stick for him to throw, and you know how she is around new people.” 

Kylo does. She usually takes awhile to warm up to others.

“Anyways, he’s a grad student. Getting his masters in engineering?” Poe shrugs, “We really hit it off but it might just be more of a friendship.”

Kylo’s mind immediately fills with images of Rey at Poe’s mention of a student and his friend must have noticed his change in expression because he immediately raises his eyebrows in question. “What?” He asks.

“How old is he?” Kylo knows that it must be Rey’s first year of law school, which means she is well past 18, but he still can’t help but feel a bit weary because what if he is reading the signals wrong? What if he’s just pining after a girl who only sees him as some old Professor?

“He’s 22. Young, but only ten years younger than us. And like I said, we are just meeting for drinks so it’s not really that serious.”

Poe turns to the fridge again and Kylo takes a long swig of his wine, debating on whether or not he should tell his friend about Rey and all of their chance encounters since that first night at the bar.

“I bought stuff for shrimp tacos but you have steak.” He notes as he digs through his fridge. “What do you want? I’ll cook.” 

Both sound good but Kylo had been planning on making steak for himself that evening so he answers accordingly, and goes to pull out the rest of the ingredients for baked potatoes and asparagus before heading out to the patio with Bee close behind to start the grill. That was one nice thing about living on the top floor of his building, having additional space of his own that is somewhat outdoors.

He makes note that it might be time to take advantage of his family's place upstate, it would be nice to get away from the city for awhile and enjoy the fresh air before it starts to snow.

Poe chatters all throughout their meal and they end up finishing an entire bottle of wine before his friend asks him about his thesis, mentioning how Leia had told him Luke was going to suggest one of Poe’s students for a research assistant. 

Kylo nearly chokes on his food. _“What?”_ He gets out in between coughs.

“Yes, Rey Kenobi. She seems really intelligent from what I’ve been able to gauge from my students this far into the semester. Killer accent too.” He laughs, nodding as he cuts into his steak.

“She’s in one of your classes?” Kylo asks disbelievingly. 

“About that, the guy I’m meeting for drinks tonight - you know, from the dog park? She was the friend he was waiting for.”

 _This is too damn much_. Kylo thinks as he just nods blankly at his friends words.

“I feel a bit weird about going on a date with a friend of one of my students but we are all adults you know? And Rey is very professional.” Poe says, “She’s never mentioned running into me outside of work last week in or after class the few times we have spoken. Although I’m not sure how much Finn has told her about our texting.”

“Oh, okay.” Kylo answers, standing up and reaching for that second bottle of wine. It’s necessary at this point. He knows exactly who his friend ran into at that dog park, it was Finn from Maz’s, the Finn who couldn’t hold his liquor. Interesting. 

“What’s with you?” Poe asks cautiously, and before he can respond his friend says, “Don’t judge me man, okay? Like I said it’s nothing serious.”

“You’re not worried at all?” Kylo responds, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I mean maybe a little, but the semester isn’t that long and Finn isn’t _my_ student you know? I don’t see the harm.” Poe holds out his wine glass just as Kylo finishes pouring his own. 

Kylo wonders if Poe even remembers Rey and Finn being at the bar that night, but he finds he can’t bring himself to ask.

“So did you recommend her to Luke?” He asks instead, wondering just how tangled this web between them really is.

“No that was just coincidence, I guess your families’ have some kind of connection way back when? Leia mentioned it but I’m not sure if Rey even knows about it or if your uncle told her.”

This time Kylo does choke on his wine, feeling like an idiot for not recognizing her last name before. “Ben Kenobi, my grandfather’s best friend.” He realizes out loud. Ben Kenobi had been the one to take care of his mother and uncle after his grandmother died, he made sure they were both placed in good homes where Anakin wouldn’t look for them. Kylo thought of him as Old Ben, mainly because that’s what his mother and father so often called him.

Poe nods, “You were named after him weren’t you? And now his granddaughter is my student. What a small world.”  

“You’re telling me.” He agrees, staring off into space. He debates telling Poe the extent of it for the second time that evening but ultimately decides against it, thinking he will save it for another time. He still had so much to learn about her.

“I didn’t know Ben Kenobi had a granddaughter?” He asks his friend, Leia had probably mentioned it to Kylo, but he had a knack for tuning out the gossip while his mother and Poe chattered on endlessly about everyone and everything.

“Don’t you remember? Your mom told us how he was flying to London because he had found out he had an eleven year old granddaughter who was orphaned? I swear Ben you’re worse than Han sometimes.” His father was _notorious_ for forgetting everything his mother said about anyone. Poe knew it, and so did everyone else who was close enough to care.

“Why haven’t we talked about this? She’s been your student for a month!” He snaps, slamming his fist down on the quartz countertop. Frustrated at the three weeks that had gone by without knowing this information.

“Woah there. I’ve tried texting you but you never respond. We haven’t seen each other for more than 5 minutes since that double date we went on.” 

Poe takes a sip of his wine and then smirks, unfazed by Kylo’s temper, “Besides, I really only noticed her last name a week ago when I met Finn at that dog park. And then this morning when Leia mentioned her to me.” Poe says nonchalantly.

Kylo just shakes his head in further disbelief, he knew there was _something_ about this girl. He was suddenly, and impossibly even more eager to see her the next day.

 

**__________________________**

 

It’s _huge._

The building, that is.

Rey had hopped in a cab after waking up late, rushing a shower and pulling on clothes to be presentable for her meeting with Professor Ren. The address she gave to the driver brought her to the New York public library, a building nearly halfway across the island of Manhattan from her house. It resembled a Greek cathedral, with ivory statutes of lions placed at each end, guarding the entrance.

Gaping at the base of the stairs, Rey found herself feeling oddly out of place with the towering structure looming over her, somehow too quaint and undeserving. It all felt too _big_ , too _extravagant_ for her in her worn flats, plain black cropped slacks and striped blouse.

She reminded herself that it was a public library after all, which meant that she was dressed more than appropriately. 

 _Libraries definitely don’t look like this in Arizona._  

Brushing those feelings aside, Rey straightened the bag on her shoulder and climbed up the stairs, trying her best to avoid the errant school children running between the crowd of people. Once she stepped inside, her jaw dropped involuntarily.

Past the threshold was a grand entranceway, a room of arches, banisters and stairs carved completely from marble. There was a sign hanging from the banister (Rey noted that it was also saved from marble) with the words _ASTOR HALL_ emblazoned on it. She climbs up the steps to the left, reaching the grand hallway.

Rey surmised that it was _definitely_ larger than a football field. The walls were covered top to bottom in books, large oak desks lined each side, while chandeliers hung above each table from the ceiling.

“I don’t even know where I’m meeting him”, she deadpans to herself in a soft whisper.

Rey walks down the hallway anyways, figuring she would likely find him _somewhere_ around here. She feels too small in the grandeur of the entire place, until she turns left down a small hallway at the end of the vast expanse of the main hall. There, the walls, floors and ceilings are lined with a dark wood. It’s a maze, almost - with the dark, lower ceilings. It’s still gorgeous, but not quite so overwhelming.

She finds him in one of the private study rooms, pouring over a large text. He’s wearing his glasses and casual clothing. Rey takes a moment to admire him through the small glass window of the room door, and straightens the bag on her shoulder once more before rapping lightly on the door and turning the knob to open it. 

It obviously startles him, because he jerks his heads towards the door in a sudden movement that causes the book he was reading to slam shut. Now, he’s staring blankly at her. 

They just look at each other for a moment, not speaking. The room instantly feels much smaller, as if the air surrounding the two is pushing them together. _Is it always going to feel like this?_

 _Finally_ , he breaks the silence. Clearing his throat, he runs a hand through his hair.

“Miss Kenobi.” He says, and gestures for her to sit down across from him. “Take a seat.”

She smiles at him nervously and sits down in the hard backed wooden chair. Digging through her bag she finds a folder with two copies of her resume and hands one to the man sitting across from her. 

“It’s just Rey.” She says to him as his eyes snap to hers at the sound of the first words she has spoken since arriving. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks down at the piece of paper in her hands.

“Do you have any questions for me about my resume?” She asks him, not moving her eyes back up to meet his for fear she will start to blush at the way he is looking at her.  

Softly, he replies, “I suppose I’m more curious about what interests you.” At that she _has_ to look up at him, and she finds his expression is inscrutable.

“I either want to go into lobbying or family law.” She states, and he nods in response. 

“As you read in the documents I sent you, my thesis covers the use of bad character evidence in criminal trials. Is that something you are interested in?”

She takes a moment to consider her words before responding, “It depends. I’m not going to lie, I read about some of the cases you are known for and I would have never defended who you were employed with.”

His expression hardens slightly at her words, but his eyes flash with something akin to... _hurt?_ She blinks, confused, before continuing on - “But you don’t work for The First Order anymore, do you?” She asks, thinking that maybe Rose was wrong.

“It’s complicated.” He says, and he pushes himself back in his chair and crosses his arms. “Who I’ve worked for shouldn’t concern you. My thesis is unrelated to Snoke.”

“It is though?” She says intently, her gaze sharp and expression wolfish. “Permitted use of bad character evidence would have thrown that man in federal prison.”

His eyes widen a fraction, and he goes to speak but she cuts him off, “The prosecutor attempted to use bad character evidence, but you had it ruled as inadmissible. It’s what ultimately won you the case.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go into criminal law?” He asks her, expression suddenly amused.

“I couldn’t stomach it.” She says disgustedly and he _laughs_. Hadn’t she just insulted him? 

“So, why are you writing your thesis on something that would have reversed the ruling of the case that won you your reputation?” She asks, her shoulders relaxing only slightly.

He smiles, bringing his hand up touch his mouth. She feels herself flush as she remembers her very _specific_ daydreams about those fingers. 

“You’re very optimistic.” He says, “I like you.” 

He’s completely avoiding her question, and she frowns at that realization. Her curiosity about the towering man sitting across from her has seemingly reached an insatiable level. She decides that she will take the position if he asks her if only to find out more about him.

“When can I start?” She asks boldly.

“What are you doing in 5 hours?” He returns, lowering his head to look more intently into her eyes, awaiting her answer. 

She feels herself shiver slightly at his tone. She doesn’t think he means to be so... _alluring_. But he is all the same.

“My shift will be over at _The Holocron_ by then.” She responds, Kaydel had covered her usual morning shift, and Rey was working the afternoon instead.

“I’ll meet you there when you are finished and we can get a few hours of work in. I’d like to get you familiar with a few texts I’ve read on the subject and some new ones I want you to work through for me.” 

She feels her stomach flutter at the notion of seeing him again so soon, “How will I contact you?” 

He pulls out his cell phone and waves it at her, “You can text me, I’m not _that_ old.”

Her breath catches and she holds back a grin, that hadn’t really been what she was thinking - but now that he said it, it is a little bit hard to picture him texting. It would be more fitting to see him writing in a notebook in some...museum or something. This was pretty damn close.

“Okay, I have your number then?” She’s flustered and it’s _obvious_ , she winces internally.

He just nods and gives her a small grin. She gets up to leave and he holds out his hand for her to shake, she grabs it firmly and her heart skips a beat at the contact. His hand _consumes_ hers, his fingers reaching far past her palm. Time feels like it's moving in slow motion. Her eyes flash up to meet his, her body had felt hot before but now feels as though it has been consumed by flames. Her eyes are lost, only for a moment, in the depth of his eyes. They slowly trace a path to his lips, and she is startled when they part for a sharp intake of breath.

 “I look forward to working with you Rey.”


	7. Ibid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, we made an aesthetic for this chapter, [take a look ~](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/174724860826/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)

**CHAPTER VII: Ibid**

  _Ibid: In the same place_

  **Track:** Rules - Jayme Dee

 

The dim evening light is pouring in over Rey’s textbook as she sits in the deserted bookstore. Everything is so still that she looks up for a moment, enraptured by how the settling dust catches the glow of the oncoming sunset.

Suddenly, her phone buzzes loudly against the desk, shattering the calm atmosphere of the store - it’s such a shock to her that she nearly falls out of the chair. After taking a few deep breaths, she reaches across the table towards her phone, flipping it over to find an unread message.

> **_Armitage:_ ** _Sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. It wasn’t my intention. Could we study again tomorrow? I need all of the help I can get for this test._

Rey runs her hand over her face, rubbing the heel of her palm over her left eye. Thinking back to last night sends a shiver down her spine - but not like the one’s she gets from Professor Ren’s dark eyes and deep voice. This shiver is something she can’t quite put her finger on - it’s a cold, uncomfortable feeling.

She had agreed to study with Hux for their upcoming exam in International Trade Law, meeting him in a quiet corner of the campus library. It was all going fine, _really_ , until he started gloating about his father’s company - how great it was and how much money it was worth and how his father bought him his own house and how he already had a job lined up for him once he was out of law school. Then it was “my father says _this_ ” and “my father says _that”_ and it was _fine._ _Pompous ass._ But then, Rey had said something in frustration. Something to change the subject, to focus on _school_ and not _money._

 _“Fuck. This exam is going to destroy me.”_ Is what she had said.

And she wasn’t quite prepared for his response.

 _“But women have it so easy. It’s like you could spread your legs for any professor to earn an easy A._  

Images of Professor Ren had flashed before her eyes - scenarios she had imagined when she had touched herself. _Does he know? How would he know?_ The look on her face must have given away the fact that that she didn’t find his comment amusing or appropriate. 

“ _That’s only something my father would say, I was just joking.”_  

_“Ha, yeah. I think I should go, I have an early morning tomorrow.”_

Rey is pulled from her memories with another buzz of her phone against the table.

> _**Armitage:** Rey please, I was just kidding. _

And another.

> _**Armitage:** Why won't you answer me?_

Rey sighs in indignation. What did she really do wrong? He was the one who had been horribly explicit during a study session - and it made her that much more _aware_ of her current situation when seeing Professor Ren earlier.

> **_Armitage:_ ** _You left your notes with me in the library. At least send me your address and I can drop them off to you tonight._

She mentally scolds herself for being so careless, and after a moment of weighing her options, she decides that she absolutely needs her reading notes, and to stay on his good side. He had mentioned something earlier that night about possibly getting her a job, too. And although Brendol Hux’s company isn’t one she’s necessarily crazy about, the fear of completing law school without career opportunities lined up gives her _nightmares._ She dreams of being lonely, of being hungry again- and the last thing she needs is to make an enemy of someone who could help her career. Rey is well aware of the competitive nature of the career path she chose. Besides, he was probably just used to saying whatever he wanted and getting away with it. She quickly types a response - 

> **_Rey:_ ** _80 W 120th St. Thanks x_

She sets her phone down with a large sigh, focusing back on her textbook. Skimming the words, she’s interrupted _again_ by her phone buzzing.

“God DAMMIT dude what do you _want_?” She nearly yells.

She angrily flips her phone over again, pressing the home button to reveal the message to her. This time though, it isn’t Hux. Her heart nearly stops as she realizes who it’s from. She hadn’t saved his number in her phone before but she knows the digits, having stared at them ever since their call the day before. She saves his number now,

> **_Prof. Ren:_** _Do you like pizza?_  

_What?_ She considers her response deliberately. Is he actually asking her to _dinner?_ Is that a normal thing for a professor to ask his research assistant?

> **_Rey:_ ** _I’m human, aren’t I?_
> 
> _**Rey**_ :  _Btw, that’s a yes._
> 
> _**Prof. Ren:** Great, when are you off work? I know a great place._
> 
> _**Prof. Ren:**_   _It’s quiet so we’ll be able to discuss research._

Right. Research. Work. _Only_ work.

> **_Rey:_ ** _7:30pm. Could you send me the address?_
> 
> _**Prof. Ren:** No need. I’ll come to you._
> 
> _**Prof. Ren:** See you then, Miss Kenobi._

Her heart skips a beat, there is no way she’s getting any studying done anymore. She checks the time - 6:30pm. _One more hour._

_________________________________

 

Kylo has been sitting in his car for fifteen minutes, car still parked in his complex’s parking garage, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. _Why am I so nervous?_ He asks himself, _what is it about her?_

Maybe it's the way she sees through him, how she isn't afraid to ask the questions most people shy away from. Maybe it's because the last time he was at this bookstore he had her backed up to a bookshelf and breathless. Or maybe, just _maybe,_ it's how every single time he is near her, it feels like he’s being dragged into her orbit. He feels _fear,_ fear that he’s turning into Icarus and that she is the Sun.

________________________________

 

“Yeah, Maz. Thanks. Yes I’ll make sure to lock up. I’ll just keep the key with me until tomorrow. Alright, goodnight to you too.”

Rey pulls her phone from where it was wedged between her right shoulder and ear and presses the red icon to hang up. After locking the door and replacing her keys into her backpack, the cool autumn breeze cuts through the alleyway, blowing her hair around her face.

After meeting with Professor Ren at that ridiculously gorgeous and massive library, she had just enough time to make it home to change into something more comfortable for work. She opted for her favorite blue jeans with holes worn through the knees, a trusty white tee and her olive green bomber paired with her white leather Adidas sneakers. It was nearing October, and autumn in New York was proving to be more chilly than she expected. In Arizona, she was used to Christmas being a dry 85 degrees, while before Halloween in NYC, it was already nearing the lower 60s.

Rey grabs at each side of the open jacket and brings her arms to her chest in an effort to protect herself from the cold breeze. She sneaks a peak at her watch, 7:33pm. She can’t help but foolishly wonder if she made his texts up in her head?

She almost goes to re read the messages for the 50th time when almost as if on cue, a black Mercedes GLC Coupe pulls around the corner, coming to a stop right in front of her. Rey feels her jaw fall slack at the sight of such a nice car and her thoughts are muddled with _how much did that cost?_ He climbs out of his car, wearing a plain grey sweater and black jeans and black boots. Rey can’t help but inwardly scoff at his monochromatic outfit, how he matches his car and probably everything else that he owns.

Professor Ren had opened the passenger door for her, and now he was standing, waiting for her to move.

“Miss Kenobi.” He slightly dips his head toward her in greeting.

Rey has to shake herself to bring her back to the present. She begins to move towards the car, slipping her backpack off of her shoulder in order to sit down in the black leather seat. “It’s just Rey.”

“And it’s just Ben.” He answers as he shuts the door for her.

She glances down at the sight of his fingers curled over the open window of the car door as he shuts it and then lifts her gaze back up to meet his eyes. He gives her a smirk before before walking around to slide into the driver's seat, and her eyes automatically trace the broad line of his shoulders as he walks. She thinks back to meeting him for the first time in that crowded bar, of asking for his name before they knew anything at all about each other. Rey...is not sure how she feels about calling him Ben out loud just yet. It feels too...intimate, too soon. But god _damn_ did the sight of him in a fitted sweater do things to her - the way it fit across his toned arms and the planes of his chest and abdomen. 

He must have caught her staring, because he cleared his throat to get her attention. 

“So. Pizza?” He rumbles as he pulls his seat belt on.

The drive to the pizza place was mostly spent in silence. Not comfortable, not quite. Rey had caught him looking at her, and later she’s sure that he caught her looking at him.

_“Shouldn’t your eyes be on the road?”_

_“If I left my eyes on the road, I wouldn’t be able to see."_

She had rolled her eyes at that and let out a soft laugh, and he had turned his head to look at her before he had to slam on the brakes to miss a group of people crossing the street.

 _“Sorry.”_ He had muttered, and that was the end of the conversation until they arrived at the restaurant, which is an italian place in Hell’s Kitchen. 

The restaurant is small and quiet, with a warm ambiance to it. The tables are set mainly for groups of twos and threes, and people speak in hushed tones back and forth to each other while jazz music plays softly in the background. 

And it smells _heavenly_.

“When you said pizza I wasn’t expecting...this?” She says as she spots the brick oven in the corner of the dining room.

He shrugs and puts his hands into his pockets, “It’s one of my favorite places.”

The hostess then sits them at a corner table towards the back. Each table is covered with red and white checkered linen, a single lit votive candle and various spices are gathered at the side of each of them along with menus.

Her stomach growls and she remembers all she had to eat in between meeting him, running home to change and the bookstore had been a smoothie. She grabs one of menus and wastes no time picking out what looks best to her. 

She brings her hand up to her mouth to bite at her thumbnail and glances up at him only to find him... _scowling?_ At her from across the small table. His expression relaxes as soon as their eyes meet and she quickly shifts her gaze back down to pretend to read the menu.

After a moment she clears her throat and asks, “So, do you take all your research assistants here?” She’s really only half joking.

“Just you.” He answers her, his tone earnest and almost beseeching.

Her eyes snap to meet his and he adds, “You’re my first.” 

Her eyes widen a fraction.

“Research Assistant, that is.”

_Oh._

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, nodding her head at his explanation and praying that the low lighting in the restaurant would hide the flush spreading across her cheeks.

“So, what’s good here?” She asks breathlessly, already knowing that she wants to try the fresh cucumber salad and the euro pizza. 

“Honestly? Everything. Just pick what looks good to you.” She realizes that he hadn’t even grabbed a menu, and had just been sitting there watching her the entire time.

She folds her menu and places it back on the spice rack, feeling suddenly more aware of herself she sits up a little straighter and takes a sip of the water that had appeared at their table sometime when she wasn’t paying attention.

The waitress comes and takes their order then, and when she picks the pizza for them he nods his approval at her choice and then orders a glass of wine for himself.

The waitress then looks to her, “Oh, I’ll have what he’s having.”

She smiles at the woman and automatically goes to take her wallet out of her bag to show ID but looks back up to find the waitress has gone. 

“Well that’s a first.” She says as she zips her bag back up. “I always get ID’d.”

“It’s probably because you're with me and _I’m old_.”

“It’s kind of hard to tell.” She responds seriously.

“Oh?”

“Yes, but you’ve got to be at least in your late 20’s. I did google you, remember?” She smirks at him and he folds his arms and leans his elbows on the table.

“Ahhh, the LinkedIn photo.” He nods his head in recognition. 

“I fully expect a long, well written endorsement on my research abilities from Professor Kylo Ren, highly sought after attorney on my profile once this is over.” She jokes, while nervously playing with the ripped denim where the holes in her jeans are.

He laughs at that and she lets herself openly study him, cataloguing the way his whole face changes when he smiles, and the deep timbre of the sound of his laughter.

She stores these observations away for later examination and finds herself smiling back at him when the waitress brings them their wine. 

“It’s chianti.” He must have noticed her eyeing it. “Italian red wine.”

“Good with pizza?” Rey asks and he nods back at her. She takes a sip, enjoying the way the wine tasted tart, bitter and sweet all at once. 

“Wow, that is good. Wine always makes me so hungry though and I’m already starving.” She winces at the sadly familiar feeling of her empty stomach.

He looks worried for a moment and picks up a menu from the side of the table, “Should we order more food?” 

“It’s okay…” She hesitates, almost saying his name out loud and then deciding against it, “I’m sure what we got will be plenty, thank you though.” 

“If you’re sure.” 

Why does he have to be so _intense_? He could be talking about something as mundane as pouring cereal and look like he were giving Hamlet’s Soliloquy.

“Yes, I’m sure. Did you want to fill me in on what you have been working on recently and what elements of your research questions you’d like my input on specifically?” She reaches for her bag once again and pulls out a pen and her planner which thankfully had space in the last few pages for notes, as she had left her notebook with Hux the evening before.

He starts in on breaking down the topic of his dissertation, and she listens intently as he explains his approach - pausing only to thank the waitress when she brings out their salad and two plates to share.

She listens intently, taking notes to fill in the blanks of what she had been able to gather from the document he had sent her.

“So your approach is to _convince_ that bad character evidence should always be taken into account by the judge and jury in a trial?” She realizes. 

“Is that how it sounds? I’d like it to _prove_ that it has to be ruled as admissible evidence at all times.” He takes a sip of his wine, his brow is furrowed. And as she studies him further she notes that his hair is longer than it was on the first night they met.

“But only in combination with documented or scientific forms of evidence.” He says, impassioned. “Also only for criminal cases, it wouldn’t apply to civil court.”

“So there are conditions that need to be addressed, do you have papers or cases in mind that you want to use as benchmarks?” 

“I do.” He answers matter of factly. 

“Is one of cases one in which you acted as defense yourself?” She asks nonchalantly, popping the first bite of the cucumber salad into her mouth. It’s delicious.

He watches her eat, seemingly amused before responding, “No, but that does not mean it doesn’t play a part in all this.” 

And she has a moment to wonder if he has no idea how mysterious he sounds or if he’s doing it on purpose before their meal arrives.

It’s a neapolitan style pizza cut into eight slices with mozzarella, sopresatta, sundried tomatoes and fresh basil as toppings. Her mouth waters at the sight and her eyes trace Ben’s movements as he takes her plate and the spatula and serves her a slice.

“Holy shit this is amazing.” She groans as she practically inhales her first bite.

“I’m glad you like it.” He says, laughing softly as he picks up his slice and folds it in some fancy way before taking a bite. 

“Is that how you eat it?” Rey asks, her accent pronounced. He nods and holds his slice up to show her how he folded it. Once she has hers folded she looks to him for approval and when he nods she takes a bite. It shouldn’t be possible but it tastes even better.

They finish their meal in what has become a slightly more comfortable silence, and when the check is placed on the table he picks it up.

Rey suggests that they split the bill but he insists on paying, claiming some unspoken rule about treating new research assistants to dinner. She laughs because she now knows that he has never had a research assistant before, and lets him pay.

“Do you mind if we head back to my place to work for a few hours? I’d really like someone besides myself to look at my working outline.” He asks as they walk back to his car.

She considers his request for a moment, thinking that it probably isn’t appropriate, but then she reasons that they are both adults who are working together with limited time available. And she can admin to herself that she is _incredibly_ curious about where this man lives. What does his place look like? Is everything all black? Does he have an espresso machine? He looks like the kind of guy who would have an espresso machine. Does he sleep in a big bed or a small bed? He’s huge, so it’s probably at least a queen.

He must mistake her silence for apprehension, because he is looking at her with a somewhat embarrassed look on his face, “Oh and I am watching my friend’s dog, and I hate leaving her at home for too long.” He states, lifting his arm up to nervously rub the back of his neck.

She has to smile at that, her and Finn had been making trips to their favorite Brooklyn Heights dog park whenever their schedules permitted. She had even run into Professor Dameron on one occasion, and remembers that she and Finn have _a lot_ of catching up to do.

“I have some time, thank you again for dinner - the food was insanely good.” She says sincerely as she hops into the passenger seat of his SUV again. She then pulls her phone out of her bag and sends a text to the house groupchat - letting them know that she will be home late and that a classmate of hers was coming to drop some notes off.

It’s only 9:30pm, she notes as she tries to keep her eyes focused on her phone and not the man sitting in the driver's seat.

“Do you live close by?”

“On 107th. Closer to Columbia.” He answers.

His voice is so... _enticing._

“That’s not far from me!” Rey responds, her eyes shifting from her phone screen to look at him. He’s intently focused on driving this time, and before she knows it they are pulling into a parking garage. 

Once out of his ridiculous car he leads her up the stairs and into his building. His place is on the top floor,  and they come to a halt at one of 8 doors made of brushed steel. He pulls out a key fob which turns the locking mechanism on the door green. They walk in and are immediately rushed by a very familiar looking dog.

_Is that Professor Dameron’s dog?_

Rey is sure that it’s Bee. Or maybe Bee’s twin? The pup is extremely excited to see another certain Professor currently standing close to Rey, jumping up onto his legs until he bends down to give her a good neck rub.

She then notices Rey and bounds up to her, tail wagging and looking as happy as a dog has ever looked. Rey kneels to greet the dog, and looks up to the Professor now towering over her. 

“She likes you.” He says and then smiles softly. 

“I think I may have met this dog before to be honest. Whose did you say she was?” 

“I didn’t.” He says as he grabs a leash and leans down, very close to Rey in order to clasp the leash to her collar.

“Is this Professor Dameron’s dog?” She asks him, and their hands accidentally brush when, at the same time, he goes to straighten her collar and Rey also leans in to read her little silver tag for a name.

Rey blushes and pulls away, “It is! I know this girl!” She says and when Ben’s enormous hands are safely away Rey pats her head one last time before standing up and rubbing her suddenly sweaty palms against her jeans.

“Bee is his dog, he told me how he ran into you outside of class.” He says, and she wants to know so much more like, how do they know each other? How often does he dogsit for him? Do they get together and discuss academia or are they closer than that?

Professor Dameron seems like the polar opposite of the oversized man standing in front of her. Rey can’t quite envision their friendship based on the interactions she has had with the two. Professor Dameron is all warm charisma, whereas Ben is quiet and...intense.

“Make yourself at home, I usually work in my office upstairs but was thinking we could sit at my kitchen island.” He says, inclining his head towards the kitchen and then heading out the door.

And _wow,_ despite all her imaginings, his place is really not what she expected. It is a loft apartment - all exposed brick, mahogany and black leather. Okay, _maybe_ she predicted the black leather, but it is a lot more inviting than she expected for a man who lived alone. The walls that weren’t brick were painted in a dark muted green color, and there are splashes of other earth tones here and there in the curtains, pillows and accent rugs.

The apartment is huge for New York City, but then again she didn’t really picture him living in a tiny place. There is a spiral staircase leading up to what she assumes is either an office or a bedroom, because there are two doors opposite the fireplace, and one of them has to be a restroom. She deposits her bag on the quartz countertop of the kitchen island and peruses over to rifle through the books he has set out on the coffee table.

A few of them are academic textbooks, one of them she recognizes from the reading notes Rose had sent her before she went to class for her. She lets out a huff of laughter as she remembers that day, and all of the funny coincidences that have happened ever since.

“Just go with it.” She says out loud to herself, mimicking what Rose had told her when she expressed her doubts about the idea of starting anything with a _Professor_ at her _school_. She is on scholarship and doesn’t want to lose it, but she also isn’t really his student so she doesn’t think anyone could accuse her of academic dishonesty.

She picks up a novel that had been left open on the table, flipping it closed in order to read the cover. She genuinely laughs when she sees that he’s reading _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_?

She can’t wait to tell Rose.

_________________________________

 

After talking for a few hours over his working outline, Rey started to feel her eyelids begin to droop. After a deep yawn, she looked down at her watch and said, “I'm sorry, it’s getting late and I have class in the morning.”

“Can I drive you home?”

Rey met his gaze, staring for just a moment. “No,” she began, “I’ll be fine walking home.”

Ben looks shocked for just a moment. “Let me at least walk you home, it’s midnight.” 

Rey thinks about it, knowing how dangerous it can be at night in New York - especially for women. “Okay,” she acquiesces. “I only live a few blocks away.”

A few blocks meaning 13, which makes the walk longer than expected. There were a few moments when Ben would walk closer to her, almost crowding around her because of their size difference. When random homeless men would yell at them or whistle at Rey, Ben would put his large hand at the small of her back just for a moment, a steady reassurance to her that he was there. The walk was spent most in silence, mainly because Rey can't figure out what to say in fear that she'll make a fool of herself. How long can she keep this up with him before someone bends? _He has to feel it too, right?_

Rey finally broke the silence to announce that they had _finally_ arrived at her house.

“Thank you for walking me home,” she says sincerely.

“Not a problem, Rey.”

Hearing her name come from his mouth sent her heart to her throat. Unlocking the door, she turns to face him again.

“I guess this is goodnight.”

“I guess so. Goodnight Rey.”

“Goodnight, get home safe.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this story has been so amazing to read!  
> Thank you soooo much to everyone who has left kudos and comments! We love you!


	8. In Limine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAM! We made an aesthetic for this chapter, [check it out here~](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/174917249139/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)

**Chapter VIII: In Limine**  

 _In Limine: At the Threshold_  

 **Track:** ~~Sweatshirt - Jacob Sartorious~~

Like To Be You - Shawn Mendes & Julia Michaels

 

A few weeks have passed in what has become a quiet routine between her and Ben. Whenever they have extra time they’re together, spending hours in comfortable silence as they research precedence and law encyclopedias, only ever breaking silence to discuss what someone has found or debate on how to approach answering a research question.

Nothing has happened really, only stolen glances and barely there brushes of hands when passing materials or coffee. They’ve memorized each others orders and have done their own fair share of surprising the other with their favorite coffee - Kylo likes plain black coffee and Rey drinks cold brew. The caffeine is helpful since the only time they really have time to study is later in the evening during the weekdays and the weekends.

October has come and gone, and the last vestiges of Autumn are fading to make way for the holiday season in New York City. Thanks to her two jobs, Rey was able to afford a large camel colored trench coat to shield her from the colder and colder winds.

Despite her busy schedule class has been going well too. Ben doesn’t mind if she studies or works on coursework during their time together, as a lot of the time he just wants her there as a sounding board, someone to speak out loud to when he’s stuck on a particular text or paragraph in his writing.

Rey continues to think back on the past month as she walks home, clutching her coat around her slight frame. She jogs up the stairs to her door, so desperate to escape the cold that she nearly misses the bouquet of flowers sitting on the doorstep.

A bouquet of daisies are laid at her feet. For a moment, she thinks they’re for someone else - maybe from Finn’s mystery boyfriend or for Rose - but no, she picks up the bouquet wrapped in a plastic wrap to find a piece of folded paper laid within the winter blossoms, and **_REY_** is written on the front. She pushes her front door open and shrugs her coat off as she sets the bouquet down on the kitchen table. The note had fallen onto the surface, and Rey picks it up and opens it.

 **_“Ut In Posterum, Rey. I know daisies are your favorite.”_ **  

“To the future?” whispering the translation from latin to herself.

Suddenly, Rose bursts into the kitchen, her hair tied into a knot and wearing lavender colored flannel pajamas with unicorns and rainbows on them. 

“Who are those from?” She practically yells.

“I…don't know, honestly.” Rey responds, holding both of her hands up in a slight surrender, right hand still clutching the note lightly between her thumb and index finger. Rose shuffles across the wooden floor in her slippers, snatching it from her and reading it over quickly.

“To the future? Rey, is this from Professor Ren?”

Rey puts her head down to hide the blush growing across her face.

“Rey.” Rose implores once more, “You need to ask him if he bought you these!” 

“I will! Tonight, I promise.” 

After Rey goes upstairs to her room, she thinks back to the note. “I know daisies are your favorite?”

The fact is that they _are_ her favorite, but nobody _here_ would know that besides Rose, Paige or Finn. Her grandfather had given her a teddy bear holding a daisy for a going away present and an oversized t shirt she _only_ wears to bed because it has an obnoxious daisy print on it.

 _Well,_ she thinks inwardly, _**maybe** I did mention it to Ben._

Brushing off the odd feeling of vulnerability that she can’t quite place, Rey gets ready to meet with Ben tonight.

_________________________

 

“Okay, well no. The Prosecution couldn't use that evidence because it was ruled inadmissible.”

“But _why_ was it ruled inadmissible, Rey?” 

“Hmm…” She starts, tapping her mechanical pencil on her chin as she files through her memory for the answer. “Well, law enforcement went into her house originally in search of a runaway criminal but then found the pornography. Since the police didn't have a search warrant and arrested her anyways, it violated her Constitutional rights?” 

“Precisely.” 

Rey rolls her eyes, just because of how _bizarre_ this particular case is.

Her Civil Rights class has proven to be one of her most difficult courses, requiring her to memorize every single piece of codified law, precedent and the loopholes that follow with it. 

“What?” Kylo asks teasingly, sitting across from her on the couch. “Is American law so much different than British law?”

Rey picks her head up from where it was resting on the armchair she's currently laying across. “What? No!” She replies earnestly. “I don't know much about British law, I don't really remember much of my time there.” 

“Oh.” He replies, her tone is so strained that he's trying to not strike a nerve. “I’m sorry.” 

Rey sits up in the chair and straightens her shirt, inwardly burying the painful memories that surface at the mention of her childhood in the UK. “Don't be, really. Things are better here.”

She gets up from where she was sitting in his living room and heads to the kitchen, opening up one of the cabinets she has come to know holds glasses and mugs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He says as he follows her to the kitchen. Leaning against the countertop, he must notice her struggling to reach a glass sitting in the cabinet, standing on the tips of her toes. She feels him come up behind her, body aligning with hers as he reaches his arm up to get the glass down for her. He sets it on the counter ahead of her, still unknowingly crowding her against it. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Rey.”

And it’s _too much_ in the moment, her head is positively _swimming_. She can feel the planes of his body pushed up against her back, and heat licks it’s way up her spine at their closeness. She turns slowly, her breath caught in her throat, completely ready to tell him to _drop it_ but then her eyes catch his and she is lost. 

She exhales at his intense stare, and she can feel his eyes trace a path down to her mouth, where her lips are slightly parted. 

And _oh_ how she _wants_. 

But just as his hand reaches up towards her face she darts out of the bracket his arms have made around her, trying desperately to forget how warm and solid his body had felt pushed up against her.

She fills her glass up with water and turns around to face him, eyes looking anywhere but into his. 

“I’m sorry... it’s just a sensitive subject for me.”

He only nods in response, his expression solemn.

“Thank you, by the way, for helping me study.” She adds, hoping to amend the chasm that she has put between them.

The corners of his lips turn up softly, “Of course, Rey, it’s the least I could do since you’ve been such a help this past month.”

She feels her face becoming hot, a dark corner of her mind whispering ‘ _I’m sure I could help in other ways, Professor_.’

“It’s getting late, I should be going.” Rey states, still feeling the heat of his gaze on her.

“Hold on, I’ll walk you home. Did you want to borrow a jacket?" 

New York has become plagued with random bouts of near freezing rain, only lasting long enough to make it that much colder and leave everything _wet._ Right as she was leaving her house, a cab had driven through a puddle positively _soaking_ her coat. Even through her anger of possibly having newly ruined a very _expensive_ coat by her standards, she hung it back inside and, not wanting to be late - decided to take a cab instead of walk. But now, she’s left only in a long sleeved tee with the insignia for Columbia printed on the front, and her light wash blue jeans.

“Sure, that’d be nice.” Rey answers, shooting him a grateful smile.

The man positively _bounds_ up the stairs, returning a few moments later with a folded navy sweatshirt in his hands with _YALE_ written across it in large white letters. After handing it over, Rey holds it by the shoulders. She can only laugh at how large it is once it has become unfolded, holding it up against her frame to compare the size of it to her.

She slips it over her head and pushes the sleeves up, sighing deeply to take in how much this sweatshirt smells like _him_ \- spice, sandalwood, and citrus.

He quickly reaches over her shoulders to gently tug her ponytail out from where it was caught inside the hoodie, giving her a soft smile. “It’s a little big on you but I think it’ll work for tonight.” 

And despite the fact that his gesture couldn’t be more innocent, Rey feels her stomach flutter and she tries failingly to fight the blush that is most definitely already spreading across her cheeks. She smiles at him and then looks down at her socks nervously.

He steps back and studies her before shaking his head and walking over to his hall closet, pulling out a forest green knitted scarf and walking over to her. She can only stare up at him as he unfolds it and wraps it around her shoulders, fingers grazing ever-so-slightly against the slope of her neck.

She shivers, but it’s definitely not from the cold. 

“There. I don’t want you to get sick.” He says slowly, his voice deep and sincere. 

Rey nods in response, not trusting her voice to remain steady enough to thank him out loud. The scarf smells even more strongly of him and she tucks her chin into it so that it covers her mouth and nose as she bends down to slip on her old cream colored reeboks. She had crossed out the second **‘e’** with a sharpie and made it look like a **‘y’** , so that they now read **‘reybok’**. The first time she’d worn them around him, he’d smiled in genuine amusement which had caused her to sheepishly explain that she had trouble letting go of things from her past, she’s had them since her freshman year of high school.

Just as they are about to head out, Ben’s cell phone rings from the kitchen counter.

“You should get that. I can wait.” 

He nods and goes to answer, hesitating for a moment when he reads the name on the screen. Eventually answering with a terse, “This is Ren.”

Shaking her head, she walks over to take a seat on his couch, “Ben, Ren, Ben, Ren…” she says out loud in a low whisper, joking to herself.

Rey still doesn’t know what the whole story is with the name game, which she considers unfair because he now knows _her_ deal. She has brought it up several times now, but he always artfully dodges her inquiries, usually distracting her with the offer of food or coffee.

She lifts her gaze from staring at where his sweatshirt rests on her legs back over to him. He looks tense, one hand resting on his kitchen island and the other holding the phone to his ear. He is facing away from her so she takes the opportunity to openly study him. Her eyes focus in on his hand where it rests against the counter, and then move to slowly trace up his toned arm and across his broad shoulders, dipping down for a moment to admire the way his black henley clings slightly to the curve of his lower back.

He is talking in a low voice, but she can make out a few choice expletives. He turns so that his profile is facing her, she notes that his dark hair just reaches his shoulders, having gotten even longer than it was when they had that first meal together a month ago. She hopes he doesn’t cut it.

He hangs up the phone abruptly, cursing as he does so. 

“I’m sorry Rey, I won’t be able to walk you back.” He says apologetically. 

She stands, “Is everything okay?” She asks as she heads to the door.

“I have to go into work, something came up.” 

 _Ahhhh. It must be his other work._ She remembers with a slight pang, wishing he would just find a way to cut ties with _The First Order_ , but knowing she didn’t really have a say in what he did with his life, he was still a professor at her university, and her _boss_.

“It’s okay, I can just walk alone.” She replies with a slight shrug, “it’s really not a big deal, I can handle walking alone for twenty minutes.”

“Can’t I call you a cab?” He asks, his expression concerned.

“Really Professor, I’ll be fine.”

He blinks at her, swallowing deeply when she calls him ‘Professor’. She smiles teasingly at him before swinging her backpack across her shoulder and going to open the door. 

“Oh, how did you know?” She asks, trying to remain casual, “how did you know that I liked daisies?”

“Daisies?” He asks in return, his expression genuinely confused.

 _Oh. It wasn’t him._ She thinks inwardly, feeling slightly foolish. _What does this mean? Who else could it have been?_ She hasn’t really had much time to make many new friends since she came to the city, having been so busy with school and her two jobs. Ben was really the only new person she had taken time to get to know.

“Oh, nevermind.” Rey says quickly, turning to pull his steel the door open.

“Can you let me know when you get home?” He calls after her as she walks down his hallway towards the staircase, his tall frame leaning up against the doorway. 

“Of course.” She says, before giving him a final wave and heading down the stairs. She could have taken the elevator, but she has a lot of nervous energy built up and wants to tire herself out.

She exhales deeply into his scarf when she opens the door of his building and is hit with a gust of bone chilling wind. She curses and begins walking in the direction of her house. She still has her running watch on out of habit and she clicks the button to light up the digital screen, it’s 12:02am, and Rey would feel a little bit better about the additional 9 blocks she had to walk if there were more people around. The streets are practically empty, she realizes, concluding that it must be the cold wind keeping people inside.

She huffs and shivers violently as another gust of wind seems to cut right through her.

“What the fuck?” She says out loud as she picks up her pace, wrapping her arms around herself.

She longs desperately to be cuddled up in bed with a cup of hot tea. She _could_ have called a cab...she _should_ have called a cab. _Why do I have to be so stubborn?_

She is five blocks away from home when she feels a tingle, like all of the hair on the back of her neck has stood up, signaling a warning. She turns her head to glance behind her but nobody is there. She sighs shakily and continues on in the direction of _home_. 

 _There._ Something flashes in her peripheral vision and she whips her head around again only to find nothing, nobody.

Alarm bells are ringing in her head as she walks even faster, cursing herself for not taking Ben up on the offer to call her a cab. That tingle at the back of her neck has turned into her heart beating out of her chest.

Rey slips her phone out of her back pocket and clutches it, just in case, knowing that if she presses the power button five times the Emergency SOS feature will appear. _Finally_ she has reached her street and it’s slightly darker than the previous blocks, with flickering street lamps casting shadow on the rows of darkened brownstones, as their inhabitants have long gone to bed.

 _I was just fine walking home every other time, why am I overreacting?_ She thinks, slowing down and trying to draw in even breaths in order to calm the rapid beat of her heart.

Just then she hears a loud shuffling in the distance, and instinctively breaks into a run. _Fuck it,_ she thinks as her legs pound against the pavement. She runs _fast_ , not looking back due to the irrational fear that someone would be chasing after her.

She gets to the door of her house, swinging it open and slamming it shut. Her heart pounding and her breath coming out in rapid pants. She leans up against the back of the door, resting her hands on her knees as she attempts to catch her breath.

“Peanut, is that you?” She hears Finn call from the Kitchen. _Thank god._

“Yes!” She answers, her voice sounding haggard to her own ears. Her phone is still clutched in her right hand and she feels it vibrate, alerting her to a text message.  

> **Prof. Ren:** Did you get home safely?

She exhales before typing a response, not wanting to make him worry or feel guilty about letting her walk back alone she types out ‘yes’ and hits send. She stares at the three little dots that appear, indicating that he is typing an additional message, when no other message is sent and the dots disappear, she puts her phone and keys on the console table, unwrapping Ben’s scarf from around her neck and hanging it on the overflowing coat rack in the entryway.

Rey makes her way to the kitchen, heading straight to the fridge to pull out a beer, thinking that it will calm her nerves. Finn is sitting at the kitchen island working on what she assumes is coursework.

“What are you doing home? I haven’t seen you in _years_.” She says dramatically, taking a swig from the bottle in her hand.

Finn glowers at her from across the kitchen island, “I could say the same to you... Where’d you get that sweatshirt?” He says coyly, and then gestures for her to hand him the beer she is holding. 

She smirks and gives it to him before taking another out of the fridge for herself.

“Also, why are you so out of breath and red faced?” He asks skeptically, his expression suspicious.

“Finn!” She yells at his obvious innuendo, before taking a deep breath to calm herself. “It sounds crazy and I’m most likely out of my mind but...I felt like someone was following me?”

“Fuck Rey, next time let one of us know. I would have called you an uber or gotten you on my way home.”

She grimaces and shrugs, nodding at him and taking a long pull from her drink.

“So have you slept with him yet? Ben from the bar and Rose’s Professor?” He asks nonchalantly.

She has to consciously swallow in order to avoid spitting out her beer.

She lightly punches him in the arm before saying, “I could ask you the same question,” knowing that he has been seeing someone. She’s beginning to feel that his situation is not all that different from her own.

“This is weird.” He responds, deadpan.

“Let’s talk about it later?” She asks, toying with sleeve of Ben’s sweatshirt.  

Finn nods and goes back to studying, she sits with him for a few moments, finishing her beer before calling it a night.

Rey travels slowly up the stairs and into her room, feeling the adrenaline rush that had run through her veins during her walk home _finally_ taper off. Her skin is still tingly and her heart is still jumpy, but she’s relaxed and relieved to be home. She releases a calming breath, kicking off her sneakers when she makes it into her room and peeling off her clothes, which leaves her in only her underwear.

Rey shivers because the heat in the house _sucks_ and it’s _cold_ outside, so she grabs his sweatshirt and throws it on again, inhaling the scent that lingers with it - the masculine, sandalwood aroma with notes of spice and citrus. She sighs deeply and digs through her underwear drawer to find her wool hiking socks, pulling them on before heading to the bathroom to scrub her face and brush the taste of beer from her teeth.

When she searches for her phone to set an alarm she realizes she left it in the hallway downstairs. She groans and makes her way back down to grab it. When she presses the home button on her screen her stomach flutters when she sees five unread texts from Ben, the first had been sent not long after she arrived at home.

 **_(12:45AM) Prof. Ren:_ ** _I’m sorry that I couldn’t walk you home_

 **_(1:01AM) Prof. Ren:_ ** _Are you free tomorrow?_

 **_(1:10AM) Prof. Ren:_ ** _There’s this place I think you’d like._

 **_(1:11AM) Prof. Ren:_ ** _To eat at I mean._

 **_(1:12AM) Prof Ren:_ ** _My treat._

Her eyes widen and she fights a smile, turning around and practically running back up the stairs to her room before cuddling into her duvet. She flops onto her back and sinks into her pillows before typing out a response.

> **_Rey:_ ** _Hi! It’s okay, I made it back._

Before she can respond to his other messages she sees those three dots indicating that he’s typing. She bites her lip and watches, waiting for his message to appear. 

> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _What are you doing now?_

_Oh._ She thinks, allowing herself a smirk.

> **_Rey:_ ** _I just got in bed. You?_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I wish._

_Oh?_

She is grinning now. The anticipation and novelty of their conversation causing her stomach to do funny things. They normally never texted other than what was necessary to arrange work sessions.

> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I mean...I’ll be up for a bit._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Working? :(_  
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Sadly. What time are you done for the day tomorrow?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I should be free after 7. How should I dress for this new restaurant?_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _It's...nicer._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I’ll pick you up at 8._

Rey has a feeling that he has learned throughout the past month that she will usually always agree to a meal.

> **_Rey:_ ** _Ok!_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _So, what are you working on?_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Possibly a new case, I’m trying to figure some things out._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _It seems like you’re already so busy with teaching, grading and your dissertation…_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _You’re a law student, have a job at a bookstore and are my research assistant. It’s easier to teach and do work on the side than be in law school and work two jobs._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _True. Still, I hope it’s not too time consuming for you._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Me too._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _What classes do you have tomorrow?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I have class with Professor Dameron :o_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Ha ha. Have fun with that._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _He’s actually very charismatic. He hardly ever loses my attention._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Well, I hope I haven’t lost your attention._

Her heart skips a beat and she smiles disbelievingly at his response, turning over in bed to lay on her side. She _likes_ texting Ben.

> **_Rey:_ ** _You haven’t._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Good._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _If I don’t respond, it’s because I’ve fallen asleep._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _You should get some rest._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Probably, my first class isn’t until the afternoon but I wanted to head to campus early to get some studying done._  
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _How early?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I set my alarm for 6:30am -...-_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _You are quite the committed student._

She sends an emoji in response, the smiling one with the hands, and feels her eyelids begin to droop, the beer and stress of her walk home catching up with her. Before she knows it she’s pulled into her dreams, her bedside lamp still on and phone held gently in her hand.

When she is awakened several hours later by the soft piano music and vibration of her 6:30am alarm she sees a single notification on her lockscreen:

 **_(4:02am) Prof. Ren:_ ** _Goodnight, Rey._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to the last chapter was so amazing to see! We were freaking out on the daily at every new comment and kudos we received. Thank you so much to everyone for reading! We will be back next week with a new chapter x  
>   
> Also, special thank you to [Dee](https://twitter.com/kylogal) over on twitter who gave us the idea for Rey's "reyboks"...you are a star.


	9. Ludicrum

**Chapter IX: Ludicrum**

_Ludicrum: Interlude_

**Track:** Creep - Scala  & the Kolacny Brothers

 

_Fuck, this is uncomfortable._

The man sitting upon the wrought iron fire escape of a run down building on 107th street shifts to find a less cramped position. His eyes remain glued to the exit door of the building he has been waiting for the girl to come out of for about five hours now. 

It’s cold outside, and his fingers have been numb for the past two hours.

He takes a drag from his cigarette as he checks his watch - _12:01am._

“Come on little girl. Why are you staying so late?” He whispers to himself.

He uses his binoculars to attempt to peek into the curtains of the top floor apartment where he _knows_ Ren lives. The man always keeps his curtains shut as soon as it’s dark.

 _Hurry up already. What the fuck is taking so long?_ He thinks as he smashes his cigarette butt into the rusting iron of the fire escape, staring fixedly at the way the lit embers singe and then burn out in a small wisp of smoke.

He jumps as he spots her in the corner of his eye, finally emerging from the exit doorway that they always use. _Where’s Ren this time?_ He thinks as he begins to shift down from his spot on the fire escape. He stops halfway down and and pulls the camera sitting in his left hand up to his right eye, wanting to document that she left the building alone _for once._  

He snaps a picture.

He pivots in his place in order to follow her movements as she heads in the direction of her home, but his foot slips. The coffee, long since cold, tumbles down the four stories of iron steps.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, snapping his head in the direction she is walking.

She has stopped dead in her tracks, head turning to survey her surroundings. 

He holds his breath, barely making a sound as he stops and waits for her to continue walking. He lets her get further and further away before quickly following behind on the opposite side of the road.

She makes it one block before he notices in the darkness that she’s not wearing a coat, just an oversized scarf and a sweatshirt that comes down to her knees. She is walking _fast_.

It is three blocks when he moves to crouch behind a car that is parked in the street to take another photo. The girl immediately turns her head when the camera flashes, and from his vantage point he can see her wide eyes flare with a sudden awareness. 

 _Good. Maybe she will catch on_ , he thinks vindictively. She wastes no time in continuing, wrapping her arms around herself against a cold gust of wind, walking so fast that he struggles to remain quiet and keep up with her at the same time. 

Six blocks in, when they are closer to her neighborhood, he notes that she has pulled her phone out of her back pocket and is clutching it in her hand.

He can nearly feel her fear radiating in the air.

It is two more blocks when his course changes. In the distance, he hears a loud crash and his eyes involuntarily snap to locate the girl even though he should be ducking for cover, only to find that she has taken off into a full sprint.

He laughs softly to himself and turns back towards the nearest subway station, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it.

_She’s learning._


	10. Indicia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always we have an aesthetic created for this chapter, check it out [here.](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/175457300416/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)  
>   
> The response to the last few chapters has been insane to read. We love you all. <3

**Chapter X: Indicia**

_Indicia: Indications_

**Track:** The Emotion - BØRNS

First it was flashes of gold, tanned skin, and then wisps of caramel brown hair. Then he felt the warmth of a body pressing against his, leading him down onto the plush bed. Kisses placed on his lips, peppered across his face, down his neck and his chest where his shirt had magically disappeared. Puckered lips placed a last, painfully slow kiss just below his navel before unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants, and freeing him from his boxers. This sunkissed form was crouched in front of him, on _top_ of him.

Then her hand was wrapping around the hard, throbbing length between his thighs, her pink lips placing a soft kiss on the tip. Piercing hazel eyes move to meet his.

 _“Rey.”_  He says her name like a prayer. Reaching down with his left hand to touch her cheek. She sighs and he cradles her head in his large hand, wide eyes opening to him again in the warm glow of the room.

“Ben.” She breathes out softly, just before pumping him once and licking the underside of his aching length. 

Then her mouth envelopes him in wet heat and, and when she begins to move he is _burning_ , the pressure low in his groin building.

He doesn’t remember anything ever feeling as _warm_ and _good_ as this. His abdomen clenches as she kisses at him again.

His heart is pounding, and he’s almost there, so close to letting that pressure between his legs _burst_ and then he’s -

Blinking his eyes open to the blue light of his bedroom, stomach sinking.

_Fuck._

This is the seventh dream he has had about his Research Assistant in the past month, and he had stopped feeling guilty about them after the third. The worst part about them is that they _aren’t real._

Waking up alone after dreaming about the person you want is nothing short of torture, as if he is in Eden and _she_ is the fruit of knowledge, constantly in his field of vision, ready to be learned but forbidden to him. He groans softly at the persistent bulge in his boxers, taking himself in hand and beginning to stroke. He finishes quickly, with flashes of warm hazel eyes gazing up at him flitting across his vision. 

Sighing deeply, he wipes his forehead and turns to sit on the edge of his bed, cleaning himself up and deciding that a run will do him good. The clock reads 6:15am, he had gotten a good two hours sleep and he had made it on far worse. He had too much to figure out to _really_ sleep, his situation with Snoke causing his mind to race.

 _“I need you focused, Ren.”_ Snoke had said to him, _“Don’t think I haven’t heard about all this time you’ve been spending with the girl.”_

His stomach had sunk at Snoke’s mention of her.

 _“It’s nothing. It won’t be a problem.”_ He had said this as calmly as he could to appease him, but as soon as he hung up the phone he had seen red, taking the glass Rey had just drunk from and shattering it against the brick wall of his loft.

The old man had told him that if he won this case, it was over. He would be able to leave _The First Order_ for good without Snoke’s blackmail hanging over his head. If he could just get through this last trial, he would no longer have to live with the threat of everything he’s accomplished crashing down around him.

He welcomes the cold air once he’s out on the street, the temperature is low enough that he can see his breath on his exhale as he presses the button on his watch and begins lightly jogging.

Kylo had been doing this a lot lately, waking up aching and getting himself outside as quickly as possible in order to burn off tension. It seems his mind is filled with Rey almost constantly, in dreams and waking. He thinks of her now, remembering their conversation over texts the night before. He had been braver, able to say what he would have liked to when they spoke in person. 

His breathing picks up as he recalls pushing up against her, their bodies aligning as he reached up where she couldn’t. Then she had turned in his arms, and all he could think about was _kissing_ her. He had been reaching up to cradle her face and meet her lips before she pulled away, breaking the spell that had fallen between them.

He can’t help but be drawn to her, and if he’s honest with himself, it had been like that since he met her in that bar. Before he even realizes, his path has led him close to her neighborhood. He remembers that she had mentioned an early morning the night before.

He makes a snap decision, and heads in the direction of a familiar stop.

_____________

 

Rey groaned as she pulled herself up to a sitting position on her bed, cursing herself quietly for forgetting to properly go to bed the night before, her phone barely hanging onto its last bit of energy. She moves to plug her phone in and as she does, she reads her last notification over again.

_Goodnight, Rey._

The corners of her mouth turn up slightly into a soft smile before she hears a loud knock on the front door. She jumps, her heart racing at the sudden loud noise, she practically falls out of bed and rummages through her drawers to pull on a pair of shorts - finding only a ratty pair with holes worn into the waistband. She slips on her pair of Birkenstocks, the two straps loose from wear. She all but runs down the stairs, not wanting whoever is at the door at this hour to wake up the rest of the house.

She must look like a mess because she definitely _feels_ like one - her hair in a bun that’s falling out in different places, no bra, morning breath, and nearly _forgetting_ to untuck that _one piece_ of Ben’s sweatshirt that got caught under her shorts when she rushed to get dressed.

She reaches to open the door and she’s _blinded_ \- _it’s November and it’s freezing and why is it so bright outside?_

“Coffee?”

“Wh-What?” She replies, blinking.

“Coffee?” The familiar voice says again, and Rey is struck dumb at the sight of dark eyes and pale skin. Ben. Ben is standing at her door looking hopeful and flushed. Her stomach is in knots and she’s at a loss for words, so she nods and holds out her hand to accept the cup he is holding out to her.

He gives her a soft smile before he looks her up and down, his gaze is something akin to hunger when he finally meets her eyes again. She winces internally as she remembers that she slept wrapped up in his scent, and now he _knows_.

“Comfortable?” He asks, his voice a little gruff. And then she takes a moment to admire him, windswept hair, slightly form fitting running pants and a grey crewneck. His normally clean-shaven face has a trace of stubble, and for a moment Rey wonders what it would feel like against her skin if he were to bury his face in her neck.

She shivers. 

“Are you cold? I’m sorry I can go, I just...wanted to see you.” He says sheepishly, his gaze still hungry.

Her brain short circuits.

They stand there staring at each other for a moment before she finds her voice, “Oh my god. I’m sorry, come in! You must be freezing.” She steps back and gestures for him to come inside.

 _He...he wanted to see her?_ She thinks inwardly, biting her lip. She feels a little shaky at his omission and general presence. She glances up at him and nods her head towards the kitchen. 

“Were you running?” She asks, the tremor in her voice surely betraying her nerves.

“Yes, it helps keep my mind focused. The pain.” He responds, setting his coffee on the kitchen counter and leaning up against it.

She takes a seat on the other side of the island and takes a sip of the drink he handed her. It’s just the right amount cream and sweetness and she hums in appreciation at the taste.

“I know you typically like your coffee cold, but figured you might want something hot this early in the morning.” He says, and he’s so serious and she’s still half asleep and _is he really standing in her kitchen?_

“No, thank you so much. This is perfect.”

_You’re perfect._

And she thinks she might really be in too deep, because she has never known someone who made her feel the way that he does, all light and fluttery and _aching_. And he’s never even _really_ touched her.

He looks so young to her in this moment, standing in the grey early morning light, the corner of his mouth tipped up ever so slightly into a smile. She loves the way his dimples appear to her then, and she has a feeling that not many others get to see him smile the way she does. Rey is shamefully, selfishly okay with it. Being the only one.

“I remember you told me you had an early morning, and I wanted to apologize again for not walking you home, I should have just driven you. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” His tone is earnest and she melts under his gaze.

“It’s really okay, I made it back. You didn’t have to bring me _gourmet_ coffee at six in the morning, you already apologized.” She says, managing to keep her tone lighthearted. He doesn’t need to know about her walk home last night, it would just make him feel more guilty.  

He laughs deeply, smirk still set in place at her choice of adjectives, “Trust me, it’s not gourmet - but it is from the best coffee cart in all of Manhattan.”

They stay there in comfortable companionship, discussing easy things like the weather and books as they finish their drinks.

“I should head back, I have a lot of stuff to take care of before tonight. Are you still free for dinner?” He asks, she had moved around the island to throw away her empty cup, and he is now gazing down at her from where he stands...rather close to her.

“Of course, it’s only been a few hours, hasn’t it? What could have possibly changed between now and then?” She says, teasing.

“Good.” He says, his tone resolute. “I’m glad sleep hasn’t completely turned you against me.”

He’s _joking_ with her and she can’t quite believe it.

She smiles at him and catches him eyeing her distinct choice of clothing once more before he starts towards the door. She trails after him, sorry to see him go. He had somehow _fit_. Him. Here in her kitchen. It was surprising because she hadn’t been able to picture him there, but she found that she likes him in it - her space, that is.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He says and she nods back, waving at him from her doorway as he begins to run back in the direction of his place.

Once she is showered and dressed she checks her phone, finding a single text message 

 

> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _By the way, keep it._

Her brow wrinkles in confusion as she types out her response and hits send. 

 

> **_Rey:_ ** _Keep what?_

His response is almost immediate:  

 

> **_Prof Ren:_ ** _My sweatshirt. It looks better on you._  

She feels her entire body heat upon reading his words, and somehow all her regret at him seeing that she had slept in his sweatshirt fades.

_________________

 

Rey spends the rest of her morning studying in the library on campus before her meeting with her academic advisor. She wanted to thank him for recommending her for a research assistant position as well as discuss her course schedule for the following semester.

“Good morning Miss. Kenobi.” Professor Skywalker says to her in a warm voice, gesturing for her to sit down in one of the two leather chairs in front of his desk.

“Good morning.” She returns cheerily. 

“So what brought you here this afternoon? You mentioned in your e-mail wanting to discuss your spring courses?” He asks, taking off his glasses to peer at her with striking blue eyes.

“Yes, and I wanted to thank you for recommending me to Professor Ren, I really do find his dissertation topic interesting and am learning a lot from him.” She says sincerely.

His expression shifts into something curious, “Ahhh, how are things going with my nephew?”

_Nephew?_

“You’re his uncle?” She asks incredulously.

“I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you.” He says deadpan. “That boy is stubborn, but I am glad to hear that you are working well together.”

“You’re Kylo Ren’s uncle?” She asks again, her pitch slightly elevated.

“Ben Solo you mean? I hate that made up name of his.” He responds gruffly, crossing his arms. “But I suppose I don’t blame him too much for wanting to appear separate from the rest of us.” 

 _Ben Solo._  

Ben’s full name is _Ben Solo_. It fits her version of him, the one who smiles softly at her and lets her keep his clothing, a thousand times better than the name Kylo Ren ever could. The version she had read about in all of those online articles.

“The rest of you?” She manages to stammer out in response.

“My sister is running for office,” he says casually, putting his glasses back. “How is your grandfather by the way? I have a lot to thank him for.”

_What?_

“You know grandfather?” She says disbelievingly.

“I’m sure he’s mentioned my biological father to you before? Anakin?”

Obi Wan had always talked about his old friends when he had spent time in New York City, it had made her want to go to Columbia for Law School even more. In fact, she thinks it might have been the romanticism in his voice whenever he spoke about it that made her research law schools in Manhattan all those years ago.

Out of all the places her grandfather had brought her, he told her no every time she asked to visit New York, claiming that the ghosts of the city would haunt him. She had always taken it lightheartedly, but now she thinks maybe there had been some truth to it after all.

“He may have mentioned him before. Now that I think about it. I wonder why he didn’t tell me about your family, he had to have known you were here.” 

Luke shrugs, “I haven’t been out to visit him in decades. In fact the last time I saw Old Ben Kenobi was when I was just about your age. Maybe younger.”

“Old Ben?” And her questions must be perplexing to him because he looks at her in confusion before coming to a realization.

“Ahhh, I heard from Leia that he goes by Obi Wan again. But to you he’s probably just Grandpa, right?” He smiles and she nods, dumbfounded.

There is a brief moment of silence before she breaks it, “But that means that Ben Solo - _is Ben named after_ -”

“Yes, Leia named her son after your Grandfather.” Luke smiles at her before turning his computer screen towards her. “A much better name than Kylo, don’t you think?”

This is almost ridiculous, _did Ben know who she was all this time? Does he know of their family connection?_

“Now, we don’t have much time unfortunately because I have a meeting right after this, but let me know if you ever want to grab a coffee or a meal. I would love to hear more about how Old Ben’s doing these days.”

After discussing her Spring courses, they slip into a brief tangent about Professor Ren’s dissertation topic.

“You know,” Luke started, “I remember a case from back in my day that you could use.”

“Really? Do you remember the name of the case?” 

“No, not exactly.” He says, rubbing his chin while deep in thought. “I’ll have to go search for it though. I can mail the hard copy to you. Your address is in your student file, correct?” 

“Correct.” She returns with a smile, “Thank you for your help, Professor Skywalker. I’ll look for the files in the mail.” 

They say their goodbyes and she is off to her first class of the day, running slightly behind due to their meeting running longer than she’d thought it would. 

It’s hard to describe how she’s feeling, but it’s always been difficult for her to process the idea of family. Her grandfather had been it for her her entire life, he spoke of old friends on occasion but he was a loner for the most part, and rarely ever spoke of any of his own family a part from her grandmother on occasion. She had never had this kind of _coincidence_ , this kind of _connection_ like the one she has with Ben before.

It feels odd but almost fulfilling, like reassurance but more intense. More profound. She doesn’t believe in fate. But what other explanation is there?

__________________

 

“I liked the dress.” Paige Tico says from where she stands at the foot of her bed, gaze calculating as she looks Rey up and down.

“The skirt looks so much better with the tights and leather boots though.” Rose responds from where she’s digging through her sisters closet.

Rey had frequently borrowed clothes from Paige since moving to Manhattan. When she had tried to go out with her hair tied up and a plain t-shirt and jeans on, Paige had stopped her, pulled her upstairs and thrown an outfit at her. 

At first, Rey was a little put-off, she had never made much of an effort in her appearance during her undergrad and that had worked out fine for her. But, when she saw what Paige could do with a curling wand to her hair that she had always such a difficult time managing, she found that she didn’t mind being dressed up.

It was also nice because it made her wonder if her mother would have done her hair like this for her, or if she had a sister, would they have dressed her up like this?

Paige crosses her arms over her chest, “I don’t want to compromise on the tights, she will freeze to death out there if she goes without.”

Rey notices that Rose rolls her eyes at Rey in the mirror and can’t help but laugh as she studies herself in the reflection. She’s in a silky black camisole with a lace detailing across the collar, a tight leather skirt, sheer black tights and heeled, fitted leather ankle boots.

“You don’t think I’ll be cold in this camisole?” Rey asks Paige. Paige is only a few years older than Rose, but had taken some time in between high school and college to join the Peace Corps, and is currently in her third year of Art School at NYU.

“That’s just to wear underneath, Rey.” Paige says, smirking at her. And Rey recalls that she had put extra thought into her undergarments when she was getting ready. She couldn’t find the original pair she had in mind, her only pair of black lace panties, she even had a matching bralette. She scoured her underwear drawer and even checked around the laundry, they just disappeared.

She had opted for a more modest pair of nude panties with lace trimming. And after some encouragement from Paige she opted to wear no bra at all.

“I can’t believe he fucking brought you coffee at 6:00am this morning and I _slept through it_.” Rose groans, pulling out several sweaters and throwing them on the bed for Rey to try on.

“This Professor thing is hot, I love older men.”

“Paige you’ve never even been with an older guy.” Rose rolls her eyes and helps Rey into a burgundy sweater with an interesting texture.

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t _love_ the idea of being with an older man? How old is this ‘Professor Ren’?” 

“I think he’s around 32.” Rey responds, opting to try on a cropped grey sweater over a green one when Rose holds them up for her to see.

Paige gives up on digging through her closet, moving over to her desk and plugging in her curling iron. She sighs wistfully as she sits up on her bed, turning to watch Rey and Rose.

“Did you ever figure out if it was him who left the daisies?” Rose asks, and _the thing is_ , Rey has no clue. She thought maybe, for a moment, that it had been Hux.

She thinks back to their interactions since they had that slight _misunderstanding_ after that first time they had studied. They had been nothing but casual and polite…

_“Have you caught up with the reading?” Hux asked her, his beard had grown out even more, Rey thought he looked a little less harsh like this._

_“To be honest I actually read everything for this course in advance.” She responded, only somewhat embarrassed._

_“Oh.” He had said, looking slightly impressed. “You’re one of those students.”_

_She shrugged in response. And he had looked worried for a moment before saying, “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I wish I was more proactive when it comes to school.”_

_She had smiled at that, finding his response genuine._

“No, I honestly have no idea who it was.” _Maybe it was Ben?_ She had thought about asking him again, but her nerves and his eyes always distracted her.

“I also can’t believe your families are connected. That’s wild.” Rose says as she sits and scoots up the bed to sit next to Paige, both of their backs leaning up against the headboard. 

“What’s wild?” Rey whips her head around at the sound of Finn’s voice, he’s standing in the doorway of Paige’s room.

“Rey and Professor Ren’s Grandpa’s were best friends!” Rose shouts from the other side of the room. Rey gives her a pleading look, because her and Finn still haven’t talked about things yet, and she didn’t want him to assume anything.

Finn sighs deeply as he takes in her outfit. “You look awfully nice Rey.”

She thinks she will stick with the plush grey sweater. Paige gets up and Finn takes her place on the bed next to Rose.

Paige then gestures for Rey to sit down so she can do her hair, using her expert fingers and expensive hair products to make Rey’s thick and frizzy mess of chestnut hair soft and wavy.

“So,” Paige starts, twisting a section of her hair onto the curling wand, “what exactly do you guys do in all of the time you spend together?”

Rey shrugs lightly in response, “Nothing exciting really. Research, write, sometimes he helps me study, too.”

“Study what, the male anatomy?” She jests lightly.

“Paige!” Rey nearly squeals, feeling her face become hot at the implication.

“I mean, he is a man,” Rose adds in with extra emphasis on the last word, “I wouldn’t blame either of you if you took things a little further than stolen glances and borrowed clothing.”

“You swear he hasn’t done anything inappropriate? I’ve heard he has a nasty temper.” Finn says, the look on his face apprehensive.

Rey knows he just worries for her, but he really has no reason to. “I’m an adult Finn, I can take care of myself...Plus, he’s almost frustratingly _gentle_ with me.”

“Frustrating? What do you mean?” Rose asks, sitting up on the bed and turning towards her, whatever had been interesting on her phone must not be as good as what she thinks Rey is about to say, because she now has her full attention.

“I mean, I know all about waiting,” Rey says, wincing as Paige’s comb catches on a knot in her hair. “But sometimes it’s like, I don’t know I just want him to...go for it? I think I’ve made it clear that I’m interested.”

“Honestly Rey, you can’t expect him...or any guy really to read your mind. He might be waiting for you to just come out and say it.” Finn says, and Rose is nodding at his words.

“What do I even say?” She squeaks, suddenly nervous that Finn is right and that Ben is waiting on her to take initiative.

“Hey Professor, I’m hot. You’re hot. We’re both single. Let’s fuck.” Rose says from her spot on the bed. Rey immediately throws the closest object in her reach at Rose much to Finn and Paige’s amusement.

The object happens to be Rey’s phone.

Rose catches it and glances down at the screen. “OH! There’s a new text message from Professor Ren!”

Rey immediately attempts to lunge for her phone but Paige, expecting it, grips her shoulder, “Rey! Sit still, we don’t have much time and I don’t want you going out with half of your hair done.”

“Fine, open it.” Rey huffs from her spot in the chair. She wants to be angry but her stomach is doing weird things at the moment, and she knows Rose won’t give her phone back willingly.

Finn now has his arm around Rose as they both glance down at Rey’s phone, and Rose reads the text out loud, “Okay, it says, _do you like seafood?_ ”

They all burst into laughter and Rey can feel heat spread across her face.

Rose speaks slowly as she types out a response to Ben, “Yes. I love it.”

Rose and Finn nod to each other, looking proud of themselves and Rey can’t help but roll her eyes.

“He’s responded!” Finn says, snatching the phone away.

“Wow, that was quick,” Paige says with an approving look on her face. “He’s not playing any games.”

Rey huffs out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “What did he say now?” She is almost afraid to ask.

“Have you ever had fresh oysters?” Finn reads out loud, his face disbelieving as he shares another look with Rose and they all burst out into laughter for a second time.

“You three can seriously make _anything_ sound dirty.” And then they are _way_ are too quiet as they type out a response.  

“They are an aphrodisiac,” Paige says nonchalantly from where she stands above her. “Don’t worry sunshine, I’m almost finished.” She says when Rey looks up at her pleadingly.

“What are you guys writing?” Rey says vexatiously when she hears another snicker from where the two sit huddled on the bed.

“We are just deciding on which emoji to use.” Rose explains innocently.

“YES! Definitely that one! With the halo.” Finn says pointing and Rey cannot take it anymore, she lunges and lands harshly on top of Finn and Rose, snatching her phone away before they go too far and send her latest selfies. She would not put it past them.

“Fucking hell, you both are too much.” Rey groans when she sees what they had written.  

 

> **_Rey:_ ** _Of course, they’re great for stamina_

The halo face emoji followed their message to Ben, and Rey feels her stomach fill with dread.

“I seriously could fucking die.” Rey says and Finn and Rose cannot quite contain themselves at this point, their faces red from laughter. Paige grabs the phone out of her hands before she can begin to type something in explanation.

“He’s typing!”  Paige yells.

Rey is still laying across Finn and Rose’s legs, she turns her body towards Paige and waits in agony for her to read Ben’s response.

“ _Fuck,_ Rey! You have to see this.”

“Just read it out loud.” She groans in response, burying her face in Paige’s comforter.

“It says, _we’ll need it_.” Paige says to the sound of Finn and Rose gasping, Rey’s whole body feels hot despite the cool temperature of Paige’s room.

“He sent another!” Paige all but shouts and Rey turns her head to look at her as she reads the second message from Ben,  “ _FOR OUR RESEARCH WORK, OF COURSE!_ ” 

All Rey can hear are disbelieving exclamations from her three roommates. They’re yelling like their favorite college football team just scored a touchdown.

Now there is really no hope of things not being awkward when Ben comes to pick her up in approximately 15 minutes. _Uggghhhh_.

“I can’t believe you sluts.” She says, getting up and snatching her phone from Paige and then turning to look at her flushed complexion in the mirror.  

“Oh _Rey_ , all he needs is a little encouragement and I’m sure he’ll get the hint.” Rose says.  

“Maybe,” she says resolutely, “I guess we’ll just have to see.”

She takes a last look in the mirror, just to make sure there are no runs in her tights and the sweater is tucked in _just_ right. Instead, she catches herself taken aback at her reflection in the mirror. The heeled boots accentuating her long legs, leather skirt hugging her in all the right places, and the slight turtleneck of the sweater framing her face perfectly. Caramel tinted curls fall around her face like a halo, with just enough makeup to look like she’s glowing.

As she moves to grab her trench coat from off of the hanger, Rose whistles, “You look HOT!”

Rey blushes and smiles as she buttons the coat at her waist, effectively covering up almost every inch of her, save the turtleneck of her sweater and the black leather boots. She picks up her phone and puts it in her coat pocket, straightening her outfit out again out of nervousness.

She hears a knock on the door and checks the clock on Paige’s bedside table. _Huh,_ she thinks, _he’s early._

She says a quick “Bye guys!” to everyone sitting on Paige’s bed, before walking down the stairs to open the door. She smiles to herself as she hears Rose’s whistle and Paige’s ‘ _Go get ‘em tiger!’_ and Finn’s _‘Have fun! Make good choices!’_  

Once she reaches the bottom of the staircase, and just a few steps from the door, she realizes how fast her heart is beating. _Calm down, Rey. It’s just dinner,_ she tells herself, taking a few deep breaths.

She steps forward and clutches the bronze doorknob, opening the door to a rush of cold air and the very familiar scent of cologne. And there he is, black wool coat over a navy suit jacket and matching button down and all. For the second time that day his hungry gaze looks her up and down, eventually shifting to meet her eyes.

“Hi.” She smiles.

“Hi, Rey.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter next week ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. Mens Rea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> View the aesthetic for this chapter [here.](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/175714026464/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)

**CHAPTER XI: Mens Rea**

_Mens Rea: Guilty Mind_

**Track:** Cherry Wine - Hozier

 

Kylo thinks his hands might be sweating, which is something that has not happened since he was a kid, not even during big trials with press in the room or before his first day giving a lecture. He hadn’t quite thought through the implications of asking her about raw oysters until she had responded in the way she did.

He can’t help but smile to himself as he recalls his responses, he had purposely spaced them out in order to make her sweat a little for that teasing message about _stamina_. _That_ had surprised him.

He’s early to pick her up so he sits in his car for a few moments before taking a deep breath and going up to her door and knocking.

He hears shouting and is thankful for the cold weather because when she opens the door to him he feels his face heat thinking about their recent conversation, and she looks incredibly charming in her heeled boots, long coat and _is she wearing earrings_? She greets him in that lovely voice of hers and he returns it,

“Hi, Rey.”

She clears her throat and looks panicked when he hears who he is assuming one of her roommates shouting something from up the stairs. She abruptly slams the door shut, and the awkward position in which she is standing causes her to stumble right into him.

His hands automatically reach for her, one holding her at the waist and the other at the opposite elbow. Her coat is soft under his hands and he’s relieved for a moment that she remembered to wear one before noticing the way her hands had gripped him back when she had stumbled.  

And then he is cursing the cold weather, wishing there weren’t so many layers between them.

She laughs, and he openly studies the way she does it so effortlessly. His bare hand at her elbow slides down to hers and he holds it in between them, letting his hand at her waist drop.

She is quiet then, staring up into his eyes, but after a moment she hums and twines her fingers with his, stepping around him and pulling him down the concrete stairs to the sidewalk.

“Could we walk to this place?” She asks, her face already flushed from the cold.

“It’s a bit too far to walk in this weather.” He responds and he feels her purposely slow down when they spot his car. He squeezes her hand in reassurance before he lets go and opens the door for her, shutting it when she has climbed in.

He flexes his hand that had been holding hers during his walk around his car to the drivers side. All he did was hold her hand and he’s already completely _wrecked_.

She smiles at him from the passenger seat as he starts the car and they’re on their way.

“I am starving.” She says, and Kylo notices that she had unbuttoned the lowest button on her coat in order to cross her legs...which are covered in sheer black.

 _Shit_.

“Where are you taking me?” She asks, and he doesn’t think she means to sound so demure when she speaks but she really, _really_ does and he has to clear his throat before responding.

“The Gramercy Tavern. They are actually famous for -”

“Let me guess, fresh oysters?” She says, and he can’t tell from just her tone of voice if she sounds embarrassed or amused.

“No, actually.” He laughs, “That’s just what they have at the moment. I heard from a friend that they’re amazing. Their menu changes about once a month.”

“So what do they specialize in?”

“Drinks, actually. They’re known for their cocktails. There are two sides to the place, but I prefer the tavern to the dining room. The atmosphere is a little less uptight and the food is honestly better.”

“You sound like one of those instagram food snobs.”

“Instagram food snobs?” He asks, and he thinks of Poe for some reason and the phrase clicks, “Oh, that’s why Poe is always commanding that I wait to start eating so that he can take a picture of not just his, but both of our meals.”

She bursts into laughter and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning at the sound of it.

“I swear a few weeks ago he _stood_ in the booth to get a photo.”

“Hey, at least you have a friend who takes you on _good_ food dates. So far the best meals I’ve had in the city have been with you.” She says, sounding slightly more shy towards the end of her sentence.

“Now I really hope you like this place.”

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” She says and her voice is serious enough that he turns his head to glance at her. Her expression is hard to read but he can tell she is nervous, so he nods his head.

“Did you know about my grandfather and yours?”

He had been planning on bringing that up to her sometime tonight, “I do.”

“Your uncle told me today, that you were named for him.”

“I was.”

“Did you not think I’d find this interesting?” She asks, with only the slightest trace of accusation in her tone.

“I was going to tell you tonight.”

“Were you really?” She asks skeptically, and he _really_ only didn’t bring it up before because he had never found the right moment. And maybe because he had a hard time discussing his family.

“I was.” He assures her resolutely. She is silent for a moment before asking,

“Can I ask you something else?”

He nods again, and they are almost to the closest parking garage.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Black.” He says immediately.

She rolls her eyes, “ _Besides_ black.”

He turns into the parking garage and considers her words carefully before responding, “Green.”

“Why green?”

He shrugs, he had always loved the color, and he had almost said _hazel_ before he chose the next closest description for the color of the girl sitting in his passenger seats eyes. Once they pull into the parking garage and remove themselves from the car, Rey immediately hooks her palm in the curve of his elbow. Encouraged, he takes her hand and places it back in his.

They’re walking _so closely_ together, both of them attempting to shield themselves from the harsh winds with the warmth of their bodies. He notices her shiver and slides their joined hands into his coat pocket, not wanting her to get cold.

“What’s yours?” He asks, genuinely intrigued to hear her answer.

“I go through phases. I think this month it’s blue. Or maybe white. I can’t wait for the snow to actually stick.” She responds, and he turns his head to gauge her expression. His heart skips a beat at the wistful look on her face, and when he involuntarily squeezes her hand just a little tighter her eyes shift up to hold his gaze.

“What’s your favorite song?” She has stopped walking and he notes the dazed look in her eyes, and the way her lips are slightly curved up into a smile.

“That’s a loaded question.” He responds, tugging her along towards the door of the Gramercy.

“You _have_ to have a favorite song.”

“Don’t laugh.” He says gruffly.

“I promise I won’t.”

“I have this old record, my uncle gave it to me. It was my grandfathers.”

“And?”

“It’s old folk music, Gordon Lightfoot...but whenever it rains I put it on and it just makes everything, I don’t know. Seem better?”

She is smiling up at him. “That’s so poetic. You’re going to be so disappointed with my answer.”

“It’s really not. Just one of those things, you know?”

“You still haven’t really answered my question. What’s your favorite _song?”_ She is teasing him, and he has a feeling that she knows he doesn't really want to tell her, so he does anyway.

“ _If You Could Read My Mind._ ” He says resolutely, but it’s really hard for him to choose if he is honest with himself. But that _was_ the first song he thought of when she asked, and the last time he had played the old record, the rain had been coming down steadily against the glass of the windows in his office, and he had thought of her.

And he thinks it’s strange and exciting how there are things that you do most of your life, but then someone affects you so profoundly, that it changes the experience entirely.

When he pulls his hand from her grasp, he sees her frown for just a moment before she realizes that he’s opening the door for her. As soon as the door is shut behind them with a whooshing sound, he places his hand on her lower back and guides her up to the host stand.

It’s blessedly warm inside, and they are greeted by a cheery blonde who takes them to their table. The far wall is where the bar is, mirrored and stacked full of expensive liquors with the Gramercy’s signature copper reading lamps lined along the bar itself. A colorful art deco mural depicting various fruits and vegetables lines the entire upper wall of the tavern.

It’s one of the most famous places to grab a drink and enjoy dinner in Manhattan. He glances at Rey, and the look on her face is reassuring.

“Wow, you said this place is famous?”

He nods as they arrive at their table, “I thought you might like the Tavern side better.”

“There’s _two_ restaurants? They must have decent food then.” She says and he thinks that maybe he could listen to her talk for hours. Forever.

And then, she’s taking that long coat of hers off.

The loose and delicately soft looking sweater she has on makes him want to take her into his arms and not let go of her for days on end.

But the rest of her, oh, the rest of her. _Fuck._

He audibly exhales at the sight of her long legs, tantalizing in the sheer tights she wears. All hope of his dick not taking notice is gone when his eyes trail up to see that she is wearing a skirt. A goddamn tight leather skirt. A goddamn tight _black_ leather skirt. He feels himself harden in his pants.

He thinks she catches him staring at her because, _is that a smirk on her face?_

_Christ._

He clears his throat and casts his eyes down at the menu in front of them, flipping one open and placing it in front of Rey.

“These are their drinks at the moment.” He says and his voice sounds off to his own ears. Deeper somehow.

She hums and he is transfixed by the way her fingers trace the words on the menu, and then by the way her hair falls around her face as she leans over the table.

Her eyes suddenly catch his and he feels his face start to get hot at the way she is looking at him, innocent and somehow guilty all at once. His throat feels tight and he shifts in his seat, lightly running his hand across the front of his pants under the table. And noting that _yes, he’s still hard._

“How is the lovely couple doing tonight?” Kylo is startled as their server manifests at the side of the table.

“Oh, we’re -” Rey begins.

“We’re great, thanks.” He interrupts calmly, his eyes shifting to gauge Rey’s expression, to find her staring at him, her face pleasantly flushed and her eyes alert with surprise.

They order their drinks and appetizers, and he thinks she may have blushed deeper when he asked for the oysters, but it is difficult to tell in the dim lighting of the tavern.

“I just thought about it and...I think this is the longest we’ve gone without talking about work?” She says to him, a curious glint in her eyes.

“Is there something you want to know?”

She pauses for a moment, shifting her eyes nervously before saying, “There’s a lot I want to know…”

“Whatever you want.” She can have whatever she wants.

Her eyes widen a fraction, and she looks so fucking beautiful to him in that moment that he thinks he would like to give her everything, anything if she will take it.

“Favorite movie?”

“Primal Fear.” He answers, eyes not daring to leave her face as he takes a drink from the mason jar of water the waitress had placed in front of him.

“What’s that?”

“Rey, you’re in law school and you haven’t seen Primal Fear?”

“It’s a lawyer movie then?” She asks, her forehead scrunching and _God he’s got it bad._

 _“_ It’s what made me want to be a criminal lawyer in the first place, I knew it wouldn’t be boring.” The waitress places their chosen drinks and front of them, his eyes still don’t leave Rey’s face as she nods her thanks to the server.

“A movie helped you choose your law profession?”

He nods, crossing his arms in front of him on the table and leaning closer to her. “You have to see it. It’s a neo-noir crime thriller from the 90’s, it’s very intense but the story and the journey that the main character goes through with his client is fascinating. I’m actually free after this if you wanted to-”

“Yes, I’d love to see it.” And his heart is in his throat in the most pleasant way at the thought of her in his home without the pretense of work hanging over their heads.

Then their appetizers arrive, and Kylo is thankful that he had ignorantly asked her about a food that is a widely known aphrodisiac, just to witness the pretty blush that spreads across her her cheeks.

“Do you like these with vinegar or lemon juice?” She asks, biting her lip as she grabs one from the icy serving plate.

“Vinegar.” He responds, opting to just watch her eat before taking one to prepare for himself.

“I had these once before when I was in Seattle.” She says before lifting it to her mouth and tipping. When she pulls the shell away with a hum of satisfaction, her lips are coated with juices, and slightly parted. He wants to grab her face and lick her pretty mouth.

They really are damn good oysters, and the drink he had chosen, he thinks it had some kind of ginger ale in it, pairs very well with the rich, fresh taste of them.

They continue to ask each other questions over their meal, her always the one to prompt him first, and then him asking her in return.

She told him her favorite movie was _Sicario_ , and with some urging on his part, that her favorite song was _Cherry Wine_ by Hozier.

Her favorite food is blueberry muffins, and he stores that information away for later use, remembering that she had shown up to his place on occasion with a muffin in addition to her coffee.

He wonders what her lips will taste like, blueberries and sugar maybe? He finds himself grinning at her as she starts on a long tirade about how The Office is the greatest show ever made, simply due to the fact that you can watch it over and over, and still laugh at the humor as though it’s the first time watching.

And then she is looking at him, surprised. “What is it?” He asks, suddenly serious.

“Nothing, it’s just…you have a great smile.”

His stomach flip flops at her easy compliment. Kylo is not used to receiving them, he grew up gangly and awkward, most comments were along the lines of _strange_ and _you’re really Han & Leia’s boy?_ He can’t even remember the last time a woman had complimented him outside of the bedroom, and that had never been about his looks, it had always been about his dick. _God_ it has been awhile.

“You too. I mean, I love your smile.” Feeling bold he continues, “That was the first thing I noticed about you, at the bar that night.”

She grins widely at him and kicks him lightly. In response he stretches his legs out, easily placing them on either side of hers under their small table. His knees and inner thighs slightly brush against her legs at this angle, and he thinks he hears her inhale at the contact.

Their eyes meet and he feels eager, _predatory_ as he drinks in her features.  

“Movie?” She asks, and he nods.

__________________

Rey is standing in Ben’s elevator, her hand clasped in his much larger, warmer one. They are passing the fifth floor when he runs his thumb over her knuckles, and how can something that small make her feel so _ridiculously_ breathless?

She reluctantly lets go of his hand when they enter his apartment. He takes her jacket and hangs it up in his closet, and after taking off her shoes, she places the small bag that she had brought to dinner on his kitchen counter. It carries her wallet, phone and keys. She thinks maybe Paige had slipped some gum into it as well.

“Do you have any coffee?” Rey asks, leaning up against his kitchen island. She wants to peel her tights off and also maybe wrap her legs around his waist. _I bet he could catch me without moving an inch._  

“I’ll make some.” He says from where he is just standing in his doorway staring at her. He clears his throat and wanders over to pull the coffee beans and grinder out of a cupboard.

“I should have known you’d have fancy coffee.” She laughs.

“You just think that everything I have is fancy because you’re ten years younger. This is what life looks like at 32.” 

She scoffs but her stomach flutters at his mention of their age gap. If she is truly honest with herself, it’s one of the things she finds most attractive about him. It’s alluring, the thought of being with him, and him taking care of her in every way.

She sits up on his counter, letting her legs dangle as she watches him move around his kitchen. His back is turned to her, so she openly allows herself to drink him in. He had taken his jacket off and rolled up the sleeves of his navy shirt, leaving the pale skin of his forearms tantalizingly exposed. 

During their work together, she had spent a generous amount of time staring at his hands. Now is no different, and she shudders as she imagines those long and thick fingers doing… _things_ between her legs for the hundredth time.

Then Ben turns to face her, and his expression darkens wolfishly when he sees her position on his counter and she thinks maybe then that he will _do it_. That he is going to kiss her. And oh, she would let him this time. But instead, “I’m going to change, do you want something comfortable to wear?”

And he is retreating up the stairs to his bedroom when she calls out her affirmative response. She sighs, hopping down from the counter to mind the kettle while he is away.

He returns a little after she had finished the french press coffee, wearing a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants. He hands her a crewneck sweatshirt not unlike the one he had given her the day before, and drawstring shorts. She goes to the washroom and languishes in the feeling of shedding her tights. The shorts are ridiculous, so she skips them and wears only the grey crewneck, which hangs well past her leather skirt had. Plus, it’s not like he hadn’t seen her like this before. She had kept only her lace cami and panties on underneath.

“Where is Cold Spring?” She quips, glancing down at the writing across her chest as she walks into the kitchen and accepts the steaming mug he holds out to her.

His eyes meet hers over his coffee cup, and she thinks he blinks when he notices her bare legs, and then he coughs a bit before choking out his answer, “My family owns a house there, it’s a few hours upstate. 

She nods and wanders over to the living room, feeling chilled with no pants or socks. She grabs his throw blanket and sits on the couch, realizing that in all the time they had spent here together, they had never once used his very nice television. Not even to put on the news or something.

He turns off the bright kitchen light, leaving only the dim reading lamp on above the couch. He takes her coffee from her and sets it down on the coffee table beside his before sitting down a few feet away from her. _Why does his couch have to be so large?_

“You good?” He asks, and _she could be so much better._

“Perfect. Thank you for dinner again, it was truly delicious.”

He smiles back at her and plays the movie, “I do have to warn you, it’s very violent.”

“My favorite movie is about a drug cartel. Don’t worry.”

He was not exaggerating. The first scene graphically shows someone being murdered, but not before their fingers are severed with a knife on screen.

At her cringe, he glances over. “The rest of the movie isn’t really like this, it’s more of a psychological thriller.”

She hums and eyes the spot where his hand rests not far from where her foot is curled up underneath her.

The movie is actually really, _really_ good... but she is restless, probably from lack of sleep and the fact that Ben is sitting so close to her. Her brain is still buzzing with excitement at the fact that they had held hands.

She fidgets for probably the thirtieth time halfway through the movie when he grabs a pillow and places it in his lap.

“Come here.” Ben says and Rey’s heart thumps in her chest as she slides toward him on the leather couch, placing her head in his lap and shuddering at the heat that spreads across her skin when he rests his large hand on the curve of her waist.

“Comfortable?” And his voice is so deep, so she nods into the fabric of the pillow, not quite trusting her voice to speak, before turning her head to continue watching the film.

And it is true, she is so comfortable and content this close to him, to the point where she feels her eyelids begin to droop. Exhaustion setting in despite the coffee she had just drank.

At some point, she feels him gently grasp her shoulder, turning her body so that she is on her back. And then... _was that his fingers brushing her neck?_ She feels his breath on her face as he unclasps her earrings. She opens her eyes hazily to see him place them on his coffee table before settling back against the couch.

Her eyes flutter closed again, but she feels him begin to lightly card his fingers through her hair. She inhales when he runs them along her scalp, taking his thumb and tracing the shell of her ear.

This. _This_ must be bliss. Laying on an enormous couch in a most likely unreasonably priced, cozy apartment, resting her head on the lap of the type of man she never knew could exist. And he’s _playing with her hair._

She blinks her eyes open only to meet his dark gaze, _why is he frowning?_ But then he runs his thumb delicately between her eyebrows, and his expression softens just as she relaxes her furrowed brow at his touch.

“Tired?” He asks, his voice clear and pleasant.

She turns her body toward his then, nuzzling into the pillow and mumbling a response into the fabric of his shirt.

Rey feels herself drift again, her entire body glowing with uncontained warmth at his ministrations.

It feels like only a few moments pass when she opens her eyes again, this time to darkness. Her feet are poking out of the blanket and she is no longer warm despite, she notes, the extra blanket that had appeared sometime between when she had dozed off and when she had woken up on Ben’s couch, alone.

She shivers and wraps one of the blankets around her, rubbing her eyes groggily and wincing as she places her bare feet on the cold floor. She pads across the room to the staircase and foggily makes her way to the room at the top of it. The door is open, and the bed looks so warm with Ben in it. When she walks over to the opposite side, still shivering, she doesn’t even think twice before lifting the covers and sliding underneath them.

It is _blessedly_ warm, and before she can even think of turning her body to take one last glance at what Ben looks like asleep in his bed, a strong arm wraps around her waist and pulls her toward a warm, solid body. She sighs contentedly at the feel of his heat against her back, before she is pulled into sleep once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos feed us


	12. Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU to devvydaisy over on tumblr who made [this](https://devvydaisy.tumblr.com/post/175806375215/so-hey-yall-this-is-my-first-ever-reylo-drawing) soft, amazing artwork based on the last chapter!
> 
> You can view the aesthetic that we made for this chapter [here](https://kyleauxrens.tumblr.com/post/176252306456/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the).

**Chapter XII: Pace**

_Pace - With Peace_

**Track:** Bloom - The Paper Kites

 

She's _warm. Too_ warm. 

Rey is pulled from her sleep when the hand resting on her stomach moves up slightly, a thumb barely brushing the underside of her left breast. She blinks her eyes open and fleeting thoughts come to her in muted confusion at the sight of sunlight streaming in through an unfamiliar window - _this is not my room, this is not my bed, whose hand is that?_ She attempts to turn over, to look at who is holding her - but the form behind her lets out a sleepy grumble, and draws her in flush to his chest. His _bare_ chest.

Then she remembers just how cold she had been last night on the couch, and how Ben had pulled her into his arms. Which lead to the best sleep she has had in a long time. Maybe ever.

She allows herself to snuggle deeper into the warm cocoon of his arms, but when she shifts her hips she feels it, his hardness pressed against the curve of her bottom. And she _knows_ that this happens, that men have morning wood. _Everyone knows that, right?_ But she has never… experienced it before. She is not a complete amateur when it comes to the male anatomy, but she has never woken up wrapped around someone like this before.

She lays there for a moment, eyes wide and pinned to this bear of a man who is radiating heat like an oven. She shifts her hips again, and he exhales roughly against the back of her neck, his hand that had been on her stomach abruptly grabs her hip, stilling her movements.

“Sorry,” he says sleepily, squeezing her hip before he moves to stretch his arm, effectively positioning his hips away from where they had previously been pushed against her, “can’t help it.”

She huffs out a laugh, her face heating at his words and her mouth watering slightly when she remembers just how... _large_ he had felt pressed up against her.

“When did you come up here?” He asks, and she flips over to lay on her opposite side so that she is facing him. And oh, he is _something._ All pale skin and dark hair glinting in the morning sunlight. She had known he was fit, but the sight of his bare chest and muscled arms causes her center to stir with arousal.

She clears her throat, “It was freezing on the couch, I hardly remember coming up I was so tired.”

He brings his massive hand up to his face to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “I tried to wake you but you were dead to the world.”

Rey smiles and sits up, running her fingers through her hair and wincing internally when she realizes that it probably looks ridiculous due to how much product Paige had put in it the night before. She glances over at him and her breath catches when she finds he is peering up at her with a contented look on his face, his gaze steady and relaxed when she meets his eyes.

“How did the movie end?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” he responds seriously, his lips slightly pulling up into a slight smirk. _How does his hair look so good in the morning?_

She huffs, carefully pulling herself out of his luxuriously comfortable bed when she realizes that she really has to pee. She tells him so and pulls herself out of bed, glancing back to find that he has rolled over to lay on his stomach, burying his face into the pillow that she had been using.

She heads down the stairs to the bathroom, her stomach flipping and hands slightly trembling at the gravity of waking up in the arms of a _Professor_ at her _school_. She grabs her phone out of her bag, and heads to the bathroom, she sits down on the cold toilet seat to see several notifications from her friends appear on her lock screen.

 **( _12:00 AM) Paige:_** _LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES! Rose showed me a photo and damn girl the Professor is thick as heLL._

 **_(12:02 AM) Paige:_ ** _I slipped a condom into your bag FYI. You can’t trust men to be prepared._

 **_(2:02 AM) Rose:_ ** _It’s 2AM and you are still not back which leads me to believe that the oyster text worked. Can you confirm? I have $40 at stake._

 **_(2:30 AM) Finn:_ ** _Be safe, Peanut. Let’s talk soon ^^_

Rey bites back a smile and feels her cheeks burn at the fact that she hadn’t noticed that in her bag. She responds to each of them, letting them know that she would be home later. The time on her phone reads 9:00 am, and she places it down on the edge of the tub in order to wash her hands. She considers hopping in the shower because she is pretty sure that is the only thing that will work when it comes to managing her hair but opts to run her fingers through it instead, making it look only slightly better.

For a guy, he has pretty decent skin care products, and she uses his facewash to scrub away the makeup she had slept in. Patting her face with the fluffy grey towel hanging up on the rack before snooping around in his cabinet a bit more. She finds hair gel, an ancient looking can of old spice body spray before finding _it._ A box of Magnum condoms. She gasps involuntarily, dropping the box and causing a cascade of his products to pour out.

“Shitshit _shit._ Oh my god _.”_ Rey curses to herself as she scrambles to pick up the miscellaneous items on the floor. She picks up the box again, taking a quick peek at the door to make sure she is definitely alone, and that the huge man she had left upstairs with the apparent need for huge condoms is not about to fling his bathroom door open. Curious, Rey turns it over in her hands to find the top unopened. She doesn’t really have a right to feel relieved but she does all the same.

Rey had never really given too much thought to Ben’s… sexual history and the condoms made her more than curious. She will have to ask Finn about it later if it’s normal for men to keep condoms around _just in case_. She triple checks to make sure everything is back in its rightful place before shutting the door of the cabinet and stepping out into the kitchen.

It is Friday morning, which means she doesn’t have anywhere to be until her shift at the Holocron at 2:00 pm, so she fills two glasses with water, slips her phone back into her bag and slowly makes her way back up the stairs. Anticipation is curling tight in her stomach at seeing him again, and she has to make an effort to keep her breathing under control. 

Rey makes it to the top of the stairs to find him right where she had left him, sprawled out on his bed. She sets the water down on his bedside table and takes a moment to examine his room in the early morning light. Three of the four walls are exposed brick, the wall where the door is is painted the same dark forest green that the walls downstairs are. His bed is large, probably a king, but he wouldn’t fit very well in anything less. The furniture is all mid-century modern, his bed made from dark oak. She moves over to the far wall, where he has several bookshelves. She lets her fingers graze over the spines, recognizing many of the novels. Her fingers stop when she sees a familiar title, and pulls out his copy of _Deathless_. It is placed right next to _The Catcher in the Rye_ , because _of course_  Kylo Ren would have a copy of that, a hardback copy of _East of Eden_ , and more surprisingly, several Margaret Atwood novels. 

She turns it over in her hands, remembering their flustered encounter at The Holocron. She had wanted him then, and she still wants him now. She flips through the pages wistfully for a moment before putting it back where she found it.

There is only one framed photo in his bedroom, in his entire home if she recalls correctly, and it is at his graduation from Harvard Law School. He is standing at the center of the photo, only slightly smiling in his black robes. Professor Dameron is at his right, and a small woman with Ben’s eyes stands to his left. She looks very familiar, but Rey thinks that maybe it’s because of the amount of time she has spent studying Ben.

“Rey.” The cause of her thoughts calls out to her, making her jump slightly and turn toward him from where she had been facing the bookshelf. He is still lying on his stomach, peeking out at her from above his bare arm. 

“Hmmm?” She squeaks out. 

“Do you want to finish the movie? I can put it on up here.” 

He is inviting her to get back in bed with him, and her stomach somersaults as she nods, finishing up her glass of water and placing it on the bedside table nearest her before climbing back into his bed. 

Ben turns over and takes his time putting on the movie. He has a television mounted on the wall that his bed faces. She bites her lip and tries not to glance over at him, attempting to keep her eyes on the screen. 

“Do you use this often?” She asks, lifting the blanket to cover her legs. He doesn’t seem like the type to watch television in bed.

“Sometimes I can’t sleep, and I’ll put something on.”

She hums in response as he plays the movie.

“What is the last thing you remember?" 

“I think I fell asleep when he had met up with the prosecutor?” He fast forwards to the correct scene and hands her the remote. Then he grabs his phone and she can’t help but look over at his screen, seeing that he has 13 missed calls. He sighs loudly and tosses his phone to the foot of the bed before reaching for her.

Her heart skips a beat when his hands snake around her ribs to draw her into his warmth. She automatically reaches her arm up to wrap around his broad shoulders, and he lays his head against her chest. She hesitates for a moment before releasing a shaky breath and running her fingers soothingly through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“You have better hair than I do,” Rey says, attempting to quell the anxiety she had sensed in him when he saw the missed calls.

“It’s a family trait,” he huffs out, squeezing her just a little tighter. 

Rey hopes that the fluttering of her heart isn’t giving her away completely, but finds that she doesn’t really mind if he hears.

“How much sleep have you gotten in the last 48 hours?” She asks, concerned.

“After you fell asleep I stayed up and worked for a while in my office before coming to bed. You had to have come up after three.” His voice is gruff and she feels him snuggle a little deeper into her. “I’m guessing about five hours total.”

She tugs at his hair in response. “Sleep. I’ll be here.”

“You work at the bookstore today?” He asks, and his voice never fails to make her shudder with arousal. He could be saying the simplest thing, like describing how to boil water, and she would still find it incredibly enticing. 

“Not until two.”

He nods into her, well _his_ , sweatshirt at that as she continues to run her fingers across the back of his neck, all while keeping her eyes on the movie. When she feels his breathing begin to even out she peeks down at him, taking in his dark eyelashes and slightly pursed lips. His massive shoulder and arm are practically covering her torso completely and she relishes in the feel of his weight against her.

Half an hour goes by and when she is sure that he is fully asleep, she brings her other hand up to run her fingers across his arm. His skin is soft, but she can feel that his muscles are firm underneath. He has a few freckles on the back of his upper arm and she uses the pads of her fingers to trace a path over each one up to his shoulder and back down again. The movie is good, but he is so much more interesting to look at.

Rey sighs and tears her gaze away from him to glance out the window. She has a good five hours before she has to be at work so she relaxes, sinking further down into Ben’s bed while careful not to wake him. His scent is strong here, pine and citrus, and she drinks it in, almost afraid that she will not have a chance to get this close to him again.

The wayward thought makes her anxiety spike and she holds him even closer to her. Rey has always had abandonment issues, which stem from not knowing who she was for half of her life. She spent her first eleven years waiting for her parents to come back for her, constantly being tossed around from foster home to foster home during her time in the United Kingdom. Some families were worse than others, and she would always run away. One time she had made it living on the streets for an entire two weeks before the system found her.

She is so lucky to have her grandfather, and Finn and Rose and Paige, but that loneliness creeps in at times, unwarranted and unwelcome. Something about being with Ben quells that feeling inside of her, and with his large and solid frame draped over hers she feels her body drift to sleep again.

_______________ 

 

“You…slept with him?”

“Yes, well. We just _slept_.” Rey takes a bite of her kale salad, wincing only slightly at the bitter taste. “Since when do we eat fucking kale?”

“Don’t change the subject.” Finn is eyeing her suspiciously across the stark white of the health food restaurants’ table. “Kale is good for digestion.”

She rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her iced latte to wash the bitterness down. She and Ben had woken up a little after noon and he had driven her home, giving her the slightest of smiles, squeezing her hand and waiting to drive away until she was safely inside. Finn had asked her to meet him for dinner after her shift, and she had let him choose, thinking he would opt for a place with a decent burger.

“Where did you hear about this restaurant?” His eyes dart away at her question, and she smirks, fully suspicious that he has been spending time with someone. 

“Let’s talk about you first, what happened? How did you end up spooning?” He draws out the last word, making Rey fight the urge to throw something at him for his teasing.

“It was…nice. _Really_ nice.” She thinks back to how Ben had opened his arms to her on his couch, the memory of the deep timbre of his voice causing her to shiver. “He just... let me fall asleep on him. I woke up covered in blankets on the couch and then joined him in bed. It was cold.” 

“I’m surprised he didn’t try anything more.” Finn shrugs and steals a bite of her salad. “Rose owes me forty dollars though. She thought for sure you two were going to fuck.” 

“Rose is a hopeless romantic, when I tell her what happened she won’t mind losing the bet.” 

“True,” Finn agrees, and his expression suddenly turns serious, “okay lovebird, I have to tell you something, but it’s going to be vague because I’m not the only one in this.” 

She nods, urging him to continue.

“I’m seeing someone. Someone who works at Columbia. It just sort of happened, and we are just...exploring our options at the moment.”

Rey is no fool, but she doesn't like to assume things about her friends, preferring them to tell her the truth in their own time. “I had a feeling. Is that who recommended this place?” 

Finn smiles and shakes his head, “He has a bit of a… food thing.” 

“A food thing?” She is trying to play coy. Fully suspicious that her best friend is seeing her International Law Professor, who happens to be close with the man whose arms she woke up in not once, but twice that morning.

“He’s a straight up foodie. It’s charming.” Finn is smiling sheepishly at her and she is happy that he is happy, so she grabs his hand across the table. 

“I love you Finn.” He squeezes her hand and rolls his eyes.

“I love you too peanut. Now how is dark, tall and brooding?”

“You forgot handsome,” Rey says, drawing her hand away to menacingly stab at her salad with her fork.

“What did kale ever do to you?” 

“Exist,” Rey responds, grimacing as she chokes down another bite. “God, can we please get like...oreos on the way home?” 

“Yes. Now spill.”

“I really like him. I’ve never felt this way about someone before.” This is the first time Rey is speaking the words out loud, and she is scared suddenly, of how badly she wants him and how afraid she is of screwing everything up.

Finn must sense her trepidation because _he_ grabs her hand this time, “I want to tell you to be careful but you are an adult, and I would be such a fucking hypocrite if I told you to stop seeing him.”

“Good. Because I fully plan to keep on seeing him.” 

“I’m just worried, and I have the right to be...the man is _scary_ looking. Like dangerous.” He pulls his hand away to steal a bite of her salad, making a face at the taste. Rey can’t help but laugh at him, Ben is so...not scary to her. Ben who brings her coffee plays with her hair.

“I appreciate it, but he’s so not scary once you get to know him.”

“I’ll take your word for it then,” Finn says resolutely. Her heart swells with affection for her friend then, and she beams at him. Finn has always been protective of her, even when she didn’t need protecting. Even though she plays it off like it annoys her, she really appreciates having someone be there for her in the way that she knows he always will be.

“Oreos?”

“Oreos.”

_______________

 

After taking a cab home from the Duane Reade where they had stopped to pick up Oreos and a bottle of wine, they sit on their worn out couch, wrapped up in blankets watching an episode of _Queer Eye_ on Netflix. 

“Where are Paige and Rose?” Rey asks Finn, she had expected them to be home, but they found the house empty when they arrived. 

“They are at a sit-in protest in Washington. Told me they’d tell us how it went.”

Rey nods, it’s not an uncommon occurrence, and she’s glad Rose is able to go with her sister when the protests are out of town. God knows there were tons going on with the current state of U.S. politics. It was hard for Rey to keep up between two her two jobs and her classes, but she was thankful for people like Rose and Paige for taking the time to stand up for what they believe is right. 

“Our girls. Off to save the world,” Rey says around a mouthful of cookie.

Finn sighs in acknowledgment and pours them both glasses of wine. “Who would you pair me with out of the Fab Five?”

She considers it for a moment, thinking back to Ben’s comment about Professor Dameron being an Instagram food snob, and then Finn’s comments from earlier. “Antoni, he’s super hip _and_ sexy.”

“I’ll take it,” he says turning his attention toward the television again. 

After having to get up to grab tissues _twice_ during the episode they chose and then watching two more, they decide to call it a night. Before she heads up the stairs Finn calls out to her, “By the way, you left your window slightly open. It was freezing in here all night. Paige went in there to see if you made it home and shut it. She wanted me to tell you.”

“That’s strange. I didn’t open my window.” Rey blinks and tries to remember, _did I leave it open?_ Her view is of the neighbors brick wall, so she rarely even left her curtains open.

“The windows are old so maybe it was some freak thing?” Finn says and he has to be right, there is no other explanation. Rey agrees with him and then heads up the stairs to ready herself for bed. 

After rinsing off in the shower, she double checks that her window is closed and locked before climbing into her warm blanket and plugging in her phone which had died sometime during her dinner with Finn. Once it wakes up, her lockscreen shows she has two unread messages, 

 **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Coffee tomorrow?_

 ** _Rose:_** _you better tell me everything_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Rey sends several eggplant emojis to Rose, wanting to throw her off. Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she types out a quick response to Ben.  

> **_Rey:_ ** _Sure, what shop?_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I was thinking you could come over, I should probably use my espresso machine more often._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _10?_

She feels her mouth pull up at the corners slightly at the idea of being in his home again after waking up in his bed that morning, and at how he had brought her coffee the day before, looking windswept and standing in her kitchen.   

> **_Rey:_ ** _You just love providing me with caffeine don’t you._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _That’s a fair assessment._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _I appreciate it, truly._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _You have an espresso machine? You’ve been holding out on me._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_** _You’re distracting._  
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _In a good way._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I forgot I had it until last night actually._

Her skin suddenly feels hot as her heart rate picks up. She considers how to respond and feeling bold due in part to the half a bottle of wine she had just drunk downstairs, she begins to type.

> **_Rey:_** _I think about you a lot, so I guess I could say you are distracting too._  
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Oh?_
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _Very much so._

She sees the three dots pop up and her heart is pounding out of her chest as she awaits his message. 

> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I think about you constantly._

_“Fuck,”_  She curses out loud, feeling a twinge of arousal shoot up her center upon reading his words. Her hands are shaking as her thumbs type out a response.

> **_Rey:_** _How do you think of me?_  
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I look for you everywhere._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I wish you were here with me now, in my arms again._
> 
> **_Rey:_ ** _What would you do, if I were there with you now?_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _There are so many things I want to do to you._

Rey’s eyes begin to water and she huffs out a breath as she slides her hand underneath her sleep shorts to relieve some of the pressure that his words have spiked. She makes circular motions with her fingers over the cotton of her panties, already feeling wetness soaking through the fabric. She uses her free hand to type out a message back to him. 

> **_Rey:_ ** _I wish I was there with you, and I wish you’d tell me what you want to do to me._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I want to lick that pretty mouth of yours_
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_** _I want to bend you over my counter, spread you open and taste your wetness_  

She moans, unplugging her phone and flipping over, tugging her shorts and panties down in one go and dragging her fingers back and forth over her clit. Her body is positively thrumming with arousal.

> **_Prof. Ren:_** _Are you touching yourself?_  
> 
> **_Rey:_** _Yes._

And Rey is furiously rubbing at herself now, knowing based on the wetness dripping down her fingers that she is close. She whimpers at the image he had painted in her head, of her face and body flush against his granite countertop, his large hands holding her bare thighs apart as he brings her to her peak with his mouth from behind. She brings her free hand up to her phone and types out a response.

> **_Rey:_** _I want you so bad._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _Be a good girl and come for me._

And _oh,_ this man with his words. She drops her phone and props herself up on her free elbow, her back arches as she feels the pleasure in her cunt build even further as she thinks about what he would feel like stretching her, filling her up.

Rey comes with his name on her lips and her vision blurring at the edges, a stream of wetness dripping down her thighs and onto her sheets. She collapses, boneless and panting on her mattress.

She blinks her eyes open to the dim light of her room and moves to snatch her phone from where she had dropped it, cheeks burning and heart pounding. 

> **_Rey:_ ** _I came, but I want more. I want you._
> 
> **_Prof. Ren:_ ** _I’m yours, sweetheart. Now sleep, I’ll take care of you in the morning._

She _keens_ at his words, and the frustration that has been building up inside of her since the moment they had touched hands at the bookstore rears its head and she ridiculously feels like crying.

> **_Rey:_** _Promise?_
> 
> _**Prof. Ren:** I promise. Goodnight, Rey. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of support that everyone is showing intentio has both of us sooooo shook. Thank you to everyone who has commented, given kudos and sent us messages on twitter and tumblr.
> 
> We love you guys!


	13. Nemo Auditur Propriam Turpitudinem Allegans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casmé over on twitter has created a [playlist](https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/intentio-autem-discite/pl.u-vxy69qDu8XvR48) with all the songs for each chapter. We love you!
> 
> We have also created an aesthetic for this chapter, [take a look~](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/176461205989/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the%20rel=)

**Chapter XIII:** Nemo Auditur Propriam Turpitudinem Allegans

_Nemo Auditur Propriam Turpitudinem Allegans - No one can be heard, who invokes his own guilt_

**Track:** Let It All Go - Birdy & RHODES

After an infuriatingly restless sleep, with dreams filled with flashes of pale skin and hungry eyes, Rey wakes up to the sound of her alarm and pulls herself out of bed. She is immediately on edge, her heart beating just a little faster as her sleep-fogged brain remembers the texts between her and Ben from the night before.

She hastily heads for the shower, letting warm water pour over her body. Her pulse is hammering underneath her skin, and she can no longer tell if the heat spreading up her neck and face is from the shower or from the memory of the image she had gotten herself off to the night before.

As much as she would like to slip her hand between her legs to relieve some of the tension that had been mounting there for so long, a voice in her head tells herself to _wait_ , to build the anticipation. Taking a deep breath she steps out of the tub, toweling off and heading to her room to get dressed. She settles on her trusty blue jeans with a long sleeved black tee, remembering how Ben had eyed her legs the other night, she slips on Paige’s leather boots - wanting to remain casual, but appealing.

Her stomach is fluttering as she walks downstairs, and is immediately apprehended by Rose, who she thinks may have been waiting for her in the kitchen.

“Spill,” her friend levels, eyes narrowed as she shoves a to-go cup of coffee into her hands. “Paige and I stopped on our way back into town,” she says by way of explanation.

“I’m going to meet him for coffee right now actually,” Rey says, taking a sip of the drink and smirking.

“Of _course_ you are. So...I’m assuming the date went well?”

Rey smiles and looks down at her feet, letting his words from the night before run through her mind for the hundredth time that morning. _I’ll take care of you, I promise_. She was going to have to take a cab or an uber to his place, walking would take _far_ too long.

“How big is he?” Rose whispers, eyes wide and head tilting slightly in her direction.

“I’m about to find out...but I may have _accidentally_ found Magnum condoms in his bathroom.”

“BITCH! You did not.”

Rey bursts into laughter then, “I swear it’s the truth.”

“You mean to tell me that you slept over, even found condoms all ready to go, and didn’t even…?”

“I fell asleep on him the night before, I found the condoms in the morning,” Rey explains, her face hot. 

“Oh my god I can’t believe this, of course he has a giant dick that man radiates big dick energy. I overheard one of the girls who sits in front of me in class talking about the size of his hands...”

Rey feels a stab of jealousy at Rose’s words and wonders if Ben had ever had any offers from his students before. He did not seem like the type based on what Rose had told her about his interactions with his students, so she squashes the feeling down.

“We may have exchanged some...fun text messages last night.”

“I literally can’t handle this right now you are living your best life sexting my Intro to Criminal Law Professor,” Rose says, talking a mile-a-minute.

“Alright I should get going,” Rey says, promising to fill her in on all the details later she grabs her bag and slips on her coat.

“Have fun at your dick appointment! Say hi to daddy Ren for me!” Rose calls out to her as she walks out the door.

Rey laughs and shakes her head, shutting the front door behind her.

She’s immediately met with the harsh November air of the city. Taking a step down the stairs, she hears the tell-tale sound of paper beneath her boot.

Looking down, she finds a manila envelope addressed to her, Rey Kenobi on W 80 and 120th. She smiles softly to herself, and bends over to pick up what she assumes is the case file Luke promised to send her. She turns it over in her hands, finding it odd that there isn't a return address, but shrugs lightly. Carrying it in her hands, she heads down the stairs and hails a cab.

________________

 

He doesn't know why, but he’s furiously cleaning _everything_. It isn't her first time over by a long shot, but here he is, anxiously wiping down his counter for the second time in an hour. Kylo figures that it’s his way of handling the stress, the anticipation of what happened last night, what's going to happen today. 

He wants her, badly. He knows that for sure. But he hasn't done this in a _long_ time. What if it isn't good? What if she’s unimpressed by him?

He has a moment where he feels like he's drowning, almost panicking at the thought of disappointing her. But that moment is interrupted by a knock at the door. 

He curses at himself for losing track of time and tosses the Windex under his sink cabinet and the rag into the sink before straightening out the black t-shirt he is wearing. He paired it with his favorite black jeans. Black, comfortable, easy to take off...

His heart is thundering in his chest as he opens his door. Looking down, he sees Rey. The tips of her nose, ears, and cheeks are flushed pink from the cold, and she looks bright, shining like the stars. He recalls the first name he had known her by, _Sunshine_.

That’s the thing with Rey - there hasn't been a moment where he hasn't been drawn to her. To him, she is everything all at once. Irresistibly sexy without even trying, cloyingly sweet when they are researching together, and God she is _cute_ all the time. But especially here on his doorstep, peering up at him shyly.

It’s her personality, the lightness in her giggle, the way the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles. The way the flyways from her bun seem to be perfectly in place, or when she is sitting across from him on the loveseat in his living room reading, or the way she swings her legs when she's sitting on his countertop. She’s like a magnet to him, he feels the need to, he _wants_ to be by her always - whether it's spending hours in silence working at the Holocron or waking up to the sound of her heartbeat and the warmth of her arms wrapped tightly around him.

He feels his heart swell inside of his chest as the anxiety he felt before washes away.

“Hi, Rey.”

She smiles back at him. “Hi.”

“I-uh, come in,” he stutters out, moving back to let her in. Once she is inside he has a rush of confidence and helps remove his scarf off of her and pull her coat down her arms. He leans down, his lips just barely hovering over the side of her neck. He hasn't even touched her yet, but her eyes are already screwed shut, and when he pulls away he can see that she is biting her lip. She smells like vanilla and brown sugar, light and sweet.

Kylo hangs her coat up with his right hand as his left-hand travels down to her hip. His fingertips dig in there as he brings his lips back down to place a soft kiss on her neck. She moans softly in response, hanging her head to the left to give him better access. He brings his right hand to grip her other hip, holding her steady.

“Rey,” he says, voice low. She only hums in response.

“Rey, would you like for us to move from the doorway?”

That does it, surely, because her eyes flash open and she straightens up. “Oh, yes,” she replies, turning to face him.

“I need to use your restroom if you don't mind,” she says hurriedly as they move into the living area, “Your unc- Professor Skywalker sent this case to my house, the one I told you about?” She extends it out to him.

He nods, taking it from her, still trying to process what just happened and what is going on and what's going to happen next. His breath catches as he watches her walk away from him, and as soon as the bathroom door is shut behind her he reaches down to adjust the growing hardness in his pants.

Kylo moves to stand at his kitchen island, tearing open the envelope and pulling out the contents.

His stomach fills with dread at what he sees, and his vision blurs red.

He slams his fist harshly against the countertop, drawing in deep breaths he dumps the full contents of the envelope out onto his counter. Photographs - dozens of them, spill out. They are of Rey, taken from various angles and at a distance. His hands shake as he reaches for one of the photos. It is of the two of them, standing at her doorstep. And another, holding hands on their way to dinner.

Kylo’s eyes narrow when he sees one of her, standing alone in what must be her bedroom wearing nothing but his Yale sweatshirt in the early morning light. His blood is rushing in his veins, heart beating out his chest as he feels unbidden rage course through him. Someone was watching Rey, someone is _threatening_ Rey.

Something inside of him _snaps_ , hurdling one of the coffee mugs he had out towards the opposite wall.

Rey walks out of the bathroom, eyes wide as she surveys the broken ceramic coffee mug, shattered across the floor.

“Ben?” A small voice calls out to him.

He takes a deep breath at the sound of his name on her lips.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out through his anger, unable to even look at her.

Kylo hears the sound of her footsteps, waiting with bated breath as she makes her way over to him. His anger is quickly morphing into guilt. Guilt for unknowingly dragging her into his fucked up life, guilt for thinking that for once maybe, he could have something _good_. 

_Snoke._

“Ben..what?” Rey comes up next to him on the counter, and he hears her breath catch when she sees the photos that he had dumped out of the envelope.

“This is my fault.” And there is no other explanation. Snoke had expressed his distaste of the time he was spending with Rey. He should have known that the man would stop at nothing to keep him under his control.

Kylo watches as Rey reaches for one of the photos, and terrified - he forces himself to look at her. His resolve hardens at what he sees. There is a look of absolute horror on her face, an expression that Kylo never wants to see again.

_I have to keep her safe._

“I’m sorry,” He says again, and her eyes snap up to meet his gaze.

“I thought someone had been following me…” She says fearfully, her throat sounding waterlogged and Kylo hates himself. 

“Rey…”

“This has something to do with you?” And his heart breaks even more at how small her voice sounds and he steps away from her, wanting to put distance between them in order to keep his head clear.

“You’re not safe with me.” Kylo tears his gaze away from her face, looking anywhere but at the photos spread across his countertop.

“I don’t understand.”

“This is the only way. I have to keep you safe.” He is shocked at how steady his voice sounds, on the inside his emotions are swirling like a hurricane. Guilt, murderous anger at Snoke’s manipulation, and _regret_ at what he is about to say to her.

“I can’t see you anymore.”

“Yes you can, I’m _right here_.” Rey’s voice is imploring, panicked, and he hates himself even more if at all possible. “Ben, look at me.”

Kylo  does, eyes shifting to meet her fiery hazel gaze.“You don’t understand. I can’t keep you safe,” he pleads.

“What don’t I understand? Tell me.” Her eyes narrow and she steps closer to him, tone demanding.

It takes everything in him to back away from her, and he swallows down his want for her, his _need_ for her. _I have to do this._

“You can’t come here anymore Rey. It’s…” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “ _Nothing_ is worth this. Nothing is worth risking your safety.”

________________

Rey’s heart is in her throat as she steps closer to him again. The whirlwind of emotions she had experienced in the last hour alone are overwhelming and all she can think about is _he can’t be ending this_. _This can’t end here._

“Don’t I have a say when it comes to _my_ safety? What is going on Ben? Who did this?”

“It’s better if you don’t know.”

She wants to grab him and shake him until he tells her what is going on. Who took those photos? _Who_ is watching them?

“I swear to god -”

“Rey.” He cuts her off, “I don’t want you here. I don’t want your help anymore.”

Her breath catches and a feeling sinks in, dark and familiar.

“You don’t want…”

_Me?_

And Rey is five again, staring at the door of her foster father's apartment, trying to ignore the hunger gnawing at her belly - willing her parents to _come back for her_.  

And Ben is saying something, but his words blend together. Her brain registers things here and there, like police report and protection, but she can’t shake that feeling away. The feeling of rejection… the feeling of being unwanted. _You’re nothing._

“I’ll go.” She cuts him off, trying her damnedest to keep her voice steady.

________________

“Let me take you home,” Kylo says and he can’t stand the blank look on her face. He wants to grab her, take her in his arms and never let her out of his sight again.

“No,” she responds. “I’ll call Finn.” She picks up her bag and coat and walks out the door, being careful to shut it gently on her way out. 

He realizes with a pang of regret that she had left the scarf he had given her hanging on his coat rack.

She's gone, and his anger rises again. Fighting the urge to tear his kitchen apart he clenches his fist and tells himself this was the only way. Snoke was too influential and dangerous, and the guilt at allowing Rey to become involved in this mess eats away at his every thought.

His vision blurs and he winds his fist back, bringing it down hard on the brick wall nearest him. The pain of it brings his thoughts into razor-sharp focus. He does it again.

_Nothing is worth this._

Fist shaking and dripping with his blood, Kylo reaches around and slips his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. He dials a familiar number, and a comforting voice picks up after the second ring. 

“Ben?” 

“Mom,” he chokes out. “I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	14. Ex Delicto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ain't #AngstAugust for nothing. Thank you for all of the comments & kudos! We love you guys.
> 
> The talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing [Katie](https://twitter.com/stormbornjedi) on twitter made this show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique [video edit](https://twitter.com/stormbornjedi/status/1026826625831383040) for Intentio Ben & Rey. Be sure to watch because we have both been dying over here watching it on repeat for days. Thank you so much Katie! <3
> 
> This chapter has a trigger warning for mild anxiety related to stalking.

**Chapter** **XIV** **: Ex Delicto**  

_Ex Delicto - From a Transgression_

**Track:** Ghost Towns - Radical Face

Kylo winces at the sensation of the cold faucet water running over his fist, his wound had been numb up until this point, the adrenaline at what he had discovered in that envelope only slightly tapering off as he watches the water turn pink from his blood and then disappear down the drain in his bathroom sink.

His mother is on her way, and the two of them weren’t used to confronting things head on, or even being in the same room together without someone else there.

Those photographs had brought Snoke’s past behavior to the forefront of Kylo’s mind, years old conversations dredged up to haunt him. Looking back Kylo feels like an idiot for taking Snoke’s bait, but then again the old man had been in the shadows of his mind - hovering over him at every event in Manhattan his mother dragged him to since he could remember.

After his fallout with his family, Kylo had been more open to his influence, less sure of himself, and he had fallen right into the old man’s influence.

He turns off the faucet and stares at his reflection, wondering when he allowed himself to become so... _complacent_. When he threw those cases in hopes that Snoke would finally let him go he had been naive, it had only made him angrier. When he enrolled at Columbia without telling anyone, he had thought his former boss would fire him, but the phone calls and insomnia had continued.

The blackmail that Snoke had threatened him with on many occasion that had given him so much anxiety before suddenly seemed like nothing in comparison to this.

After speaking with his mother he had immediately called his only friend, who happened to have friends in private security. Kylo saw those photos as a direct threat. There was no way he was letting that house her and her friends lived in go unprotected.

_“Someone sent photographs, about a hundred of them, to Rey. It appears that someone is watching her, threatening her.”_

_“Rey? Hold on…” Poe’s voice sounded far away and the line went silent for a moment. “Okay, what’s going on?”_

_“It has to be Snoke, he mentioned how he wanted all of my attention on the case for the upcoming trial, and how I had been spending a lot of time with her...I can’t believe I let this happen.”_

_“Are you sure it’s him?”_

_“Who else could it be? There were photos of us together...and they all appear to have been taken after we began working on my dissertation...” Kylo trailed off realizing that his life had changed dramatically in the past few weeks and that his best friend was not yet aware of the recent developments in his and Rey’s relationship. “Either way, are you able to have someone install a system at their house and arrange for around the clock surveillance? I can send you the address. I’ll pay for it.”_

_“You got it. And Finn was just here, you don’t have to send the address…Anything else?”_

_“Rey left. Will...will you just tell her if you see her...that I’m still sorry?”_

A knock on the door pulls him from his reverie, and he tears his eyes away from his reflection in the mirror, heading for the door.

It still shocks him sometimes, how small his mother is. She takes in his appearance, her eyes immediately narrowing when she sees his split knuckles.

“It’s not that bad,” he says, flexing his fingers.

“I swear Benjamin, at this rate you’re going to need surgery on your hands before you’re even middle-aged,” Leia Organa says, pushing her way inside and pulling things out of her bag, placing gauze, antibiotic ointment and bandages on his counter.

She ushers for him to sit at one of the bar stools lining his island, and he obeys, immediately holding his hand out for his mother to tend to.

“Before you ask, yes I washed it out already.” This was familiar to them, as Kylo had a tendency to lash out often as a teenager, usually hurting himself in the process. Something inside of him aches a little at the sight of his mother, grey hair, face the same but somehow aged, bandaging his hand. That guilty feeling returns, only this time it is about how he had handled the revelation of his bloodline.

“Don’t do that,” she says chidingly.

“Do what?”

“Think too hard.” His mother is smiling slightly at him now and she reaches up to push back the hair that had fallen around his face.

“What happened Ben?”

He takes a deep breath before telling her everything, starting at Snoke’s blackmail and ending with the photos that were still spread across his kitchen island. His mother just lets him talk, and it felt...it felt okay. He felt like he could breathe a little easier than he could just moments before when it felt like the world was swallowing him up and stopping his breath.

“That pig.” She had poured both of them glasses of whiskey about halfway through his long-winded explanation, and she takes a long pull from her glass before setting it down. “I’m sorry Ben. You must have felt so alone...I’m sorry you didn’t trust me enough, that I didn’t…” 

“Mom. It’s not…” He sighs, frustrated. “I wouldn’t have asked for help. I’ve gone over it in my head so many times, how I should have reached out sooner but I _wouldn’t have_. I was too stubborn. Too determined to handle everything on my own.”

“We’re similar you know,” she says, and he remembers again, what had caused the rift between them in the first place. His mother had shouldered the burden of her true parentage for most of her life, only to have it revealed to the rest of the world gracelessly. “The first thing you’re going to do is turn in your letter of resignation.”

“I can’t, your run for Senate…”

“Ben,” she cuts him off. “Even if his bullshit claim that he was the reason you were removed from the waitlist at Yale is true, it doesn’t change the fact that you are an accomplished attorney. _You_ have built your career all on your own. Everyone with a brain knew that you threw those associate cases. That man...he is a master manipulator and a _criminal_. He has taken over so much of your life, too much of it...Let me help you.”

He exhales, running his uninjured hand through his hair as he considers her words. And the truth is, what had mattered so much to him before, making a name for himself, his reputation...it doesn’t seem to hold as much weight as it used to.

“Snoke won’t stop,” he pauses, taking a deep breath before voicing what is really bothering him. “If I quit. Mom...what if he threatens Rey again?”

“Oh Ben, no man is above the law.” She walks over to him then, taking his injured hand and gently holding it in hers. “I think it’s time you saw things from the prosecutor’s point of view.”

“You mean...”

“How would you like to work for me?”

____________

Rey has not felt this way in a long time.

Her mind circles back to the photos spread across the counter, Ben’s shaking hands, the ceramic coffee mug shattered across the floor.

She lets out a staggering breath and sits on the wrought iron bench nearest to her. Rey had fully planned to call Finn when she left the Professor’s apartment, but when she had felt the icy November wind on her face, it had been soothing, numbing the blood boiling beneath her skin.

Rey’s steps had led her to Central Park, her inner turmoil unknown to those surrounding her due to the stoic expression she had perfected since early childhood.

_Don’t let them see you cry._

When she was almost eight she had been placed in a group home after it was discovered by social services that her foster father had been withholding food. A girl, older than her, had taken pity on seven-year-old Rey when she had heard her crying for her family one night in a room filled with other sleeping, forgotten children.

_“Quiet,” Jyn had said, handing her some tissue. “Don’t let the others see you cry.” Rey wiped her tears then, her sobs slowly quelling into hiccups._

_“Will they ever come back?”_

_“There is always hope,” the older girl assured, gesturing for Rey to lay back down in her bed with a tug to the lowest of the three buns that Rey had worn since she was five, refusing to take them out every time someone offered to braid her hair or brush it out for her for fear that her parents would not recognize her if she let them._

Rey is pulled from her memory by the shrill ringing of her phone in her bag, and with trembling hands she pulls it out, sliding her thumb across the screen when she sees that it’s Finn.

“Rey, thank god. Where are you?” Finn asks, his voice filled with concern.

She lets out a shaky exhale at the sound of her oldest friends voice. “I’m in the Park. At the Bethesda Fountain…”

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for the past twenty minutes. Stay where you are, I’m coming to you.”

Had he been calling her? She must not have heard her phone over the noise of the city, or maybe she had been pulled too deep into her own thoughts to notice. “What’s going on?” She asks, confused.

“Prof-,” he pauses and she can hear him take a deep breath through the phone. “Ben called Poe. I know about the photos. Just...stay where you are.”

And despite what Jyn had told her all those years ago she feels hot tears begin to cloud her vision, so she looks down in order to avoid letting any of the people around her see.

“Finn,” Rey says, her voice is cracking. “I don’t feel safe.”

“Peanut. Give me twenty minutes. I already called Rose and she is waiting for us at home.”

Rey nods, before realizing that he can’t see her. “Okay.” A tear rolls down her cheek then, the heat of it a stark contrast on her skin, which is wind chapped from the cold, and she is quick to wipe it away before hanging up the phone.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” she says this out loud. Rey had never been an overly cautious person, but she had always prided herself on her vigilance. The daisies, the feeling she had that night walking home from Ben’s place, the open window… she files through her memories, trying to think of anything else that had been strange, or odd about the last few weeks.

 _Her missing set_...the black bralette and panties that she couldn’t find, Rey had even attempted to look for them again that morning around the laundry and was unable to find them. _Did that mean?_

Rey feels like she is about to be sick. The vulnerability that started in her chest upon seeing the photos settles deep in the pit of her stomach, and her eyes burn. She wants to scream. She wants to be home in Arizona with her grandfather. She wants her friends. She wants _Ben_.

That vulnerability, that fear - suddenly morphs into anger. Anger at whoever is doing this to hurt her, to hurt him. Anger at Ben himself, for taking the bait and falling into their trap. For hurting her. For leaving her alone, again...Rey bites her lip and digs her nails into the palm of her hand in order to keep her tears at bay.

Would someone really do this to her because of _Ben_? It’s so extreme, so... _personal_...and she thinks back to what Rose had told her all those weeks ago. The rumors that he had thrown cases on purpose in order to get fired, only to be kept on retainer even _after_ starting at Columbia.

She jumps, startled when someone sits next to her on the park bench, and she looks up to see Finn, face stern and filled with that familiar protective expression that she never knew she needed or wanted until now.

“Oh Rey,” he says, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his embrace. She buries her face into the scarf that is hanging loosely around his neck and sure enough, the tears begin to flow.

_Don’t let them see you cry._

Finn just pats her back and lets her cry into his shoulder, holding her tightly. After a few moments, she pulls away and hastily wipes the evidence of her tears away with her cold fingers.

“He told me it was his fault. That...someone did this because of him -” Rey hiccups. “Then he told me he didn’t want my help anymore. That he didn’t want me there.”

“Good on him,” Finn says stonily, expression grim. “Rey, someone is _stalking you_. Someone took photos of you and...you even said you thought someone had been following you! You have to take this seriously! Even the window -”

“I know, Finn. I know. I’ve been stupid -”

“Rey, you are _not_ stupid, but look at things from his perspective. You are a student at the university he teaches at, and someone...whether it be his shady boss or whoever, is threatening you with photographs of the two of you. If it were me I would feel guilty as sin. Your safety _and_ your reputation are at risk, I know you’re not his student, but hadn’t you thought about that?”

Truthfully, Rey hadn’t thought much beyond Ben’s motivations apart from the fact that he _didnotwantheranymore_ , and that if it was his boss - why would he push her away? She sighs shakily as she lifts her gaze to look out at the fountain. 

“I can’t say I understand the man, but if it were me in his situation, I would want to keep you safe. He already called the police, and arranged for security at the house.”

Rey whips her head around to stare at her friend. “He... _what?_ ”

“Yeah, he called Poe as soon as you left to ask for his help. He wanted him to...to tell you that he’s sorry.”

“ _Fucking hell._ It’s not like he is the one who took the photos…” Rey is _definitely_ angry at Ben now, confused, frustrated and _angry_. “If he were really sorry, he would leave the First Order.”

“I’m not going to say I know what his motivations are, just that I have some respect for him for not wanting to put you at risk any longer,” Finn takes her hand then and pulls her up from the bench. “But we need to get you home. Your hands are freezing!”

When they arrive at the house, Rose is dealing with the men installing their new security system. Muttering an excuse to Finn she walks slowly up the stairs, isolating herself in her room to peel off her clothes slowly. She winces, her body aching from holding herself so tense for the past few hours.

Rey had already showered just that morning, but her body _hurts_ and standing in the comforting steam of the shower is all she wants to do. She blinks, sitting on the toilet with her hand under the stream, waiting for the water to get hot. Her eyes burn from crying and her sinuses aren’t much better off.

She feels numb, or maybe angry. Sad, too. No matter how much she tries, she can’t shake this...unsettled, _dirty_ feeling that she has had since viewing those photographs.

Rey takes a shuddering breath as she steps under the tepid water, attempting to quell the emotions swirling around in her head. It only takes a few moments though, for choked sobs to break free from her throat.

She wets her hair, feeling stinging tears cascade down her face and slide down her neck. What if it isn’t Snoke who sent those photos? What then?

Rey wishes Ben hadn’t pushed her away like...like _she didn’t even matter to him_. She turns and lets the shower stream beat down on her face. It was never easy for Rey to let people in, but now she knows, is fully aware of her depth of feeling for the man. How easily she fell for him, how effortless it was to fall into it. But no matter how badly she wants to - she can’t bring herself to regret it, and that makes it hurt even worse.

Visualizing those photos she scrubs her body clean, imagining the memory of them being washed away as the water rinses the soap from her body. When she finally finds the strength to step out of the shower, her skin is flushed red and scrubbed clean. She dresses in the warmest, most comfortable clothes she has, and her vision momentarily blurs with tears when she moves aside Ben’s sweatshirt in her drawer for one of her own.

Glancing at her window, she notices the sensor that had been added for the security system and suddenly no longer wants to be alone. Opening her door, she hears Rose talking softly to someone in her bedroom so she makes her way over to find her on her phone. Rey’s heart pangs a little at the way her friend’s expression shifts into sympathy when she meets Rey’s eyes, she is speaking in Vietnamese - probably to her parents.  

Without hanging up the phone Rose gestures for Rey to join her in bed. Her socked feet slide a little on the wood floors as she walks across the room and slips under the covers. Rose continues her conversation, nodding into the receiver as she speaks.

After a few moments, she hangs up the phone and turns to Rey. “My parents are sending food. I told them what happened.”

“They don’t have to do that,” Rey says quietly, fiddling with Rose’s flannel blanket.

“They are nervous, being out of the country while this is all happening,” Rose explains. Rey nods in understanding. The Tico’s had always been very generous, and a hot meal was their answer to everything.

“How are you?” Rose asks her, expression serious.

“I’m...not so great Rose. I’m afraid.”

“Rey, it’s okay. You’re safe here now. If Professor Ren hadn’t done it, my parents would have hired people to watch the house until whoever sent the photos is caught.” Rose takes her hand, twining their fingers together. “By the way...the police will be here shortly, they want your statement.”

“Whoever did this,” Rey says after a moment, steeling herself. “I want them to pay for what they did.”


	15. Corpus Delicti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder to mind the tags, we update them with each chapter.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for being so patient! Caroline & I have both moved within two weeks of each other so finding time to write has been difficult.
> 
> Also, we HIGHLY recommend listening to the song for this chapter, Trials by London Grammar may as well be the theme of this entire fic! We love it so much. You can view the aesthetic for this chapter [ here~](http://soloish.tumblr.com/post/177347785199/intentio-autem-discite-on-ao3-meaning-the)
> 
> Comments & kudos feed us ♥
> 
> -Chelsea

**Chapter** **XV** **: Corpus Delicti**

 _Corpus Delicti_ _\- Body of the Crime_

  **Track:** Trials (Demo) - London Grammar

“No, I mean - yes. Yes I noticed. It wasn’t -”

The male officer standing opposite of Rey hums and nods his head in understanding. “Do you remember when it started?”

“Uh...no,” she sighs, running her hand over her face. “I was over a few nights ago, and I had to walk home alone - that’s when I _really_ noticed but, no, I don’t remember what day it was or when the first of the photos were taken.”

“Do you usually walk home alone?”

“No, Professor Ren will walk me home usually.” 

He hums again, all this fucking _humming_ has Rey reaching her breaking point. There are three cops at her house now, talking to her roomates or searching through her cabinets and _who gave them the right —_

Her thoughts are interrupted by the officer, James, she reads on his nametag.

“So you and this professor, Ben Solo, alias Kylo Ren, you’re involved?”

Her jaw falls slack at his question, and in her periphery, she can see that Rose and Finn have both turned their heads towards the officer.

“I’m his employee you pr—”

“Rey,” Finn interjects. “Rey, calm down.”

She sighs in resignation, running her hand through the hair falling into her face. She glances sharply at the officer standing across from her, he’s looking back at her, pen clutched in his hand. Tamping down the frustration that has lodged in her chest, she blinks and takes a deep breath. She had thought she could do this, but she finds herself wanting to get out of the house right that very second, away from the sympathetic gazes for her friends and the judgmental stares of the three officers standing in her kitchen.

At her prolonged silence, the room has reached a level of tension so thick you could cut a knife through it, with all eyes on her and all she can think is, _I need to get out of here._  

“You know, I think I need some air. Do you have what you need?”

Before they can even respond Rey turns on her heel and walks up to her room, ignoring Rose and Finn as they question after her. She slams the door shut behind her, bringing her hand up to push against her chest - attempting to dislodge the heady feeling that has settled there.

She moves to stuff her bag with gym clothes, slipping on her trainers and emerging from her room. She pauses at the top of the stairs when she notices that the officers are leaving. One of them, the only one who hadn’t offended her, turns and looks up at her with a sympathetic smile. Rey swallows, keeping her expression blank and meeting their gaze. 

“We are going to have a patrol car do a drive-by once every hour or so, and check in as needed until the culprit is caught, and we heard your uhm,” the officer pauses, eyes shifting away from her face, “...boss, hired a private security firm to make sure the house is safe. Your roommates also told us you are flying home over the Thanksgiving holiday in a few days. If you notice anything strange at all, you know how to reach us.”

Rey can’t bring herself to respond, so she just nods and waits for the officer to leave before walking down the stairs. Finn appears out of nowhere, grabbing her wrist and effectively stopping her from going outside. 

“Rey, you can’t leave,” he says urgently. “What if they’re still watching you?”

She lightly tugs her arm out of his grasp. “Finn, if I stay inside and scared, they win. Plus, you know I can fight...if necessary.” 

Rey raises her chin defiantly at her friend, daring him to disagree. Finn was one of the few people who had seen her fight. It had been in undergrad, someone at a party had said something to him, and it had made her angry enough to throw the first punch, and the very _large_ , very _tall_ idiot had regretted his choice of words shortly after - and had to deal with the fact that he had lost miserably to a girl half his size in front of all of his equally gross friends. That was the last frat party they ever attended.

Growing up in the foster system, it was necessary that Rey be able to hold her own in a fight. She had taught herself how to use her size to her advantage, and it was something that never really went away - almost like instinct, how to throw a punch, or knee someone in the groin. She had even taught self-defense classes in undergrad as a job for a few months.

“Let me come with you?” Finn asks her then, and apart from the fact that she really wants to be alone, she can’t say no to him, so she sighs and nods in defeat.

“I’m going to the Dodge,” Rey explains. “I’ll wait for you to grab your stuff.” The Dodge is the athletic center on campus, and she just really wants to hit something right now.

“I could use a workout anyways, give me five minutes.”

 ____________

The air has somehow gotten even colder if that were at all possible, and she almost wishes she had given in when Finn had suggested they take a cab the few blocks distance to campus. She had refused, wanting to get the adrenaline and anger out of her system through exercise. 

Rey had thrown on her trench coat over her sweats and had borrowed Rose’s bright red scarf to wrap around her neck, her heart had ached when she remembered how Ben’s fingers had brushed against her skin when he had wrapped her up in his forest green scarf.i

It is almost 5:00 pm, the police had taken longer to arrive at her home than Rose had thought they would, but after the hellish questions they had asked, Rey is thankful she was able to eat beforehand, as she tends to be easily angered when she is hungry. 

Finn has happily filled the silence throughout the entire walk by chatting about the meal Rose and Paige’s parents had ordered in for them and by discussing what he and Rey could get for dinner after their workout. She is suddenly thankful he insisted on accompanying her to the athletic center, for if he wasn’t there she would have just been alone with her thoughts.

The sun is nowhere to be seen in the grey winter sky, and the wind is whipping her hair around her face. It is not dark out yet, but it is getting there. Rey takes in her surroundings - the almost bare trees, the dead leaves swirling in the wind, and the crowded brick buildings that make up Columbia. Despite the cold, there are people walking around on campus, probably getting their studying in before the Thanksgiving holiday that starts in a few days.

Finn stops suddenly, and Rey looks up to see a very familiar statue, _The Thinker_ — which is located fittingly in front of the Philosophy Hall. “It’s strange, isn’t it? To walk by this so often,” he says wistfully.

Rey takes a moment to study the twelve-foot tall sculpture and finds that the pose, the way the artist sculpted the lines of the man’s shoulders, even the hands are reminiscent of one particular Columbia Law Professor that she is actively trying to avoid thinking of, so she tears her eyes away.

“Let’s go.” She tugs Finn by the sleeve of his jacket and they make their way to their destination. An especially harsh gust of wind stops them in their tracks before they pick up their pace, finally making it to the athletic center.

Rey and Finn agree to meet in the weight room before parting ways in order to change into their gym clothes.

____________

“Rey, Rey, _Rey_ stop. That’s enough”

“One last set, I swear,” she replies, breathless.

“Rey you’ve already broken your personal record for the weight you can squat and you’ve already done a hundred of them.”

She turns to face him, legs shaky from use. She sighs, using her forearm to wipe the sweat falling from her brow. 

“Alright. Bet I can still beat you in the ring, though.” 

His face splits into a bright grin, “I guess we’ll have to see.”

___________

She’s wrapping her hands meticulously as Finn steps into the small boxing ring.

“Okay, two rules: the face is off limits, and the first person to land a solid blow wins the round. Best out of five,” he calls out to her.

She slips on the black gloves and steps into the ring and squares up.

____________

Rey blinks her eyes open to the sight of a room that isn’t hers, and the feeling of a slender arm wrapped tightly around her form.

Slowly, she turns only to see Rose dead asleep and snuggled up close to her. Rey silently thanks the stars that she is lucky enough to have the friends that she does in her life, Rose hadn’t even said a word when she crawled into bed with her that first night after what happened. She just grabbed her hand and held it tight before asking her to switch off her bedside lamp.

Rey had tried to fall asleep in her room by herself that first night after the photos but had been unable to get her heartbeat to slow or her thoughts to quiet, so she had been sleeping in Rose’s room ever since. 

Today is the day Rey is flying home to Arizona to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with her grandfather, and hopefully, have a break from that awful feeling she has had ever since seeing those photographs. The constant feeling that she is being watched, of the ache in her heart that hadn’t quite dulled since leaving Ben’s apartment.

She buries her face in her pillow, dreading this last class period before she heads to JFK. Rose had pointed out that she had a plausible excuse to fly home early, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to skip this last day of classes before their long weekend. 

Sighing, she drags herself out of bed, checking her phone along the way to see that it is 11:00am— she had slept in slightly since Maz had decided to close the bookstore for the entire week. She and Rose had distracted themselves with an entire bottle of wine the night before and for the first time in days, Rey had been able to fall asleep a little easier. 

She has one class, her 11:40 am with Professor Dameron before her 7:30 pm flight departs for Phoenix. Typing out a quick text to Finn to give his boyfriend hell for not canceling this last class before break, she readies herself to head to campus. Finn had flown home the day before her, and Rose was flying with Paige to meet their parents in San Francisco for the long weekend in just a few short hours. 

As soon as Rey walks outside, her legs ache and she longs to feel the familiar dry heat of Arizona and the reassuring embrace of her Grandfather. She hadn’t told him what happened, knowing he would have demanded she fly home sooner — or worse, fly to New York himself. Besides, she wanted to spend time with him without him worrying about sending her back to the city. 

Shivering, she stops at a coffee shop along the way, grabbing a hot drink to hold in her hands while she walks. She had worn her airport clothes which consisted of thick leggings, trainers, and an oversized Columbia sweatshirt with her trench coat and a navy knit scarf that she had picked up the other day. She had even brought her carry on with her so she could just head straight to the airport after class. 

Walking through the wrought iron gates of the campus, she keeps her gaze forward, admiring the architecture of her University.

  
_In lumine Tuo videbimus lumen_ , she thinks, reciting Columbia’s motto in her head and taking a sip of her coffee. _In Thy light, we shall see light._

She has some time to kill before her next class, and her slow footsteps lead her to the courtyard in front of Butler library.

The campus is practically empty, and the air feels oddly still in a familiar way that Rey can’t quite place. And it’s when she begins to walk across the courtyard that her breath catches at the sight of the large door to the library opening to reveal a tall frame and a flash of black. 

 _“Ben?”_ She whispers out loud. And sure enough, it is him. It had been the longest she had gone without seeing him since they began working together, five days to be exact, and she finds that her memory had not done him justice. Even from as far away from him as she is now, her heart skips a beat at the sight of his long dark hair and the contrast of his full lips and pale skin. He has on the same long black coat he had worn to the Gramercy, but he has his glasses on, which makes her heart ache even more.

His head is slightly hanging down as he walks, and he is carrying a large file when he looks up and meets her eyes, stopping in his tracks.

In that moment it is like they are the only two people on earth, standing yards away from each other and staring into each other all at once. Rey’s eyes move from his gaze when she sees the gloved fingers of his free hand twitch as if to reach out to her. 

Rey exhales, and she can see the cloud her hot breath forms as she shifts her gaze back to meet his, only to find that he had not looked away from her face. She blinks, and something wet and icy lands on her eyelash, _it’s…it’s snowing_. Thick and heavy snowflakes are falling down from above them, and she holds his gaze— the scene before her reminiscent of a snow globe she had been given as a gift when she was young.

Rey wants to do so many things. She wants to scream at him, she wants to ask him why, she wants to kiss him and hit him all at the same time but she finds that all she can do is stand there and stare at the solemn expression on his face as the snow swirls around them, the look in his eyes is reminiscent of a storm, both a siren call willing her to drift closer and warning for her to stay away. 

She lets his words from that day resound in her head, _you’re not safe with me._

_But what am I without you?_

She doesn’t know how long they remain there, it could have been seconds, it could have been minutes— before her heart hardens, and she tears her gaze away to walk towards the building where her class is held. Not looking back at him no matter how much she longs to. Empty, she realizes that she has her answer to her earlier thought, without him...she is alone _._  

____________

JFK is unsurprisingly packed with bodies of New Yorkers headed out of the city for the long holiday weekend. Men still in their suits from last minute business meetings and women in dresses and long trench coats crowd the security checkpoint, all waiting to have their bags checked and be on their way home.

The snow had been coming down heavily since it had begun earlier that morning, a winter storm warning had been issued for all of New York City and at least six inches had accumulated throughout the day. So far all flights departing from JFK were leaving on schedule, which Rey was thankful for, as she had been obsessively refreshing her flight on the Delta Airlines app on her phone. 

Rose and Paige had texted the roommate group chat upon their departure, promising to let her and Finn know when they landed. Class had been okay, Hux had chatted aimlessly with her beforehand, his mood had been equally sullen to hers for reasons she could only guess at. Maybe it was due to the fact that they were stuck attending this last class when most of their peers had already flown home. 

The time on her phone shows that she has a good three hours before her flight's scheduled departure, and she nervously bites her lip, hoping silently that her flight would not be canceled or delayed until morning. 

Rey waits in line another 45 minutes before making it past security, heading straight to a restaurant called the Beer Garden to sit and do some research. It had been a tradition her grandfather had taught her, to always have a beer or two before a flight, no matter what time of day it is. It makes sleeping on planes much easier.

She sits down and orders a draft, pulling out her laptop to work on a research paper for Professor Mitaka’s course in order to pass the time before her plane is supposed to leave. It’s not due until the end of the semester, but she may as well work on it seeing as how she has nothing to do, and the distraction is welcome.

Rey works steadily for an hour before she hears commotion around her, shouts and sighs coming from each and every direction. She looks up to see everyone’s eyes glued to their phones, and turns to the woman sitting close to her to ask what is going on.

“All flights have been delayed until further notice,” the woman says, rolling her eyes. “Better to be safe than sorry I guess. It’s coming down hard out there and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop.”

_Well shit._

Rey sighs deeply to herself and turns to pack her bag. She leaves the Beer Garden and makes her way to her gate, finding a long line of people there waiting to ask the attendant questions about the flight. Mentally cursing herself for not just skipping her last class to fly home with Finn she joins the line, pulling out her phone in order to let her grandfather know that her flight had been delayed. 

Rey does not know how long she has been standing there, but she and everyone else are growing more and more agitated as time goes on, she is just about to ask the person behind her to hold her spot when a voice projects to everyone over the loudspeaker, 

_“Attention all passengers of Terminal 2, all departing flights out of JFK have been canceled due to inclement weather, please return to baggage claim to receive checked baggage. Airlines will automatically refund your ticket purchases.”_

Rey bites her lip in both annoyance and apprehension, all outbound flights are canceled and her friends have all already left for break. She immediately finds a seat at the gate and calls her grandfather.

“Rey?”

“Hi, Grandad. It’s me.” She smiles into the phone at his familiar accent and soft tone of voice.

“Did you board the plane yet?”

“Actually, the winter storm is so bad that they have canceled all departing flights. I’m unsure if I’ll be able to get home this weekend. They are saying the snow is not going to stop for a few days.”

“Well, hurricane season is not officially over...” he says, and she laughs because it is so _like him_ to say something like that. “I’ll miss you at home Sunshine.” 

“I’ll miss you too,” she says, surprised at the fact that she is holding back tears.

“Is there anyone left in the city you can call? I can give you a name or two of some old friends I know there…”

“No, that’s okay,” Rey interrupts, immediately knowing he is referring to her academic advisor, Luke Skywalker, and his sister, who happens to be Ben’s mother. “I’ll use the time to get some studying done. Maybe my boss will let me pick up some shifts at the bar since she closed the bookstore...”

“Are you sure? I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I’m sure. Don’t worry, I’ll build a snowman in Central Park and go Black Friday shopping in the empty city. It’ll be fun.”

“Okay, be sure to call me tomorrow. I love you Rey.” 

“I love you too Grandad,” Rey responds, hanging up her phone and wiping a stray tear from her face.

Luckily there is no need to retrieve a checked bag since Rey had only traveled with her carry on, so she heads down to departures after sending a quick text to the group chat to let them know that she would be staying at the house over break. 

She sighs for the 100th time, knowing that she will have to put in a call to NYPD to let them know that she would be stuck at the house over the weekend instead of flying home like she had planned.

Once Rey is outside and her Uber is called, god bless them for sticking it out in this weather, her phone vibrates in her hand and she sees that it is Finn calling her.

“Hey Peanut,” he says. “I let Poe know that you would be staying in the city, you know— for security purposes.”

She rolls her eyes, “thanks for doing that Finn. I still blame him for not canceling class in the first place." 

“I know right?” He says, tone half joking half wary. He is nervous for her, she can tell. “Are you going to be alright?”

She scoffs, “of course! Who would be dumb enough to try something when they would be sure to get caught. Don’t worry, I was just about to check in with Maz anyway. I can’t just sit around and do nothing.”

“Okay, just text me if anything seems weird. Call if you’re bored.” 

“I will. Have fun in sunny Arizona without me,” Rey responds, pouting just a little. They say their goodbyes as Rey’s Uber pulls up, the driver getting out to help her place her backpack in the trunk.

The drive into Manhattan is not too bad, but it is definitely slow. Salt and plow trucks are everywhere, and traffic is sparse for the city, everyone smart enough to avoid the roads with the full out blizzard coming down over all of New York.

Rey exits the car with a sharp slam of the door, saying one last thank you to the driver. She grabs her bag and heads up the stairs towards her front door. The snow is falling heavier now, gloved hands fumbling with her keychain. She hears a sound through the thick oak door.

 _Finn, Rose, and Paige left before I did_.

She feels the color drain from her face and her heart pound in her ears. She opens the door slowly, seeing the last of two dark-clad figures running out her back door. The entire living area is in disarray - the hand-me-down from the Tico’s glass coffee table knocked over, the flowers from Poe on the ground, laying in the shattered glass of the vase that once held them.

The back door is still open, the shade flapping in the wind. The wind makes her cheeks cold, the tears welling make her eyes burn. She moves towards the stairs, praying to someone, _something,_ that they didn’t make it up here, that she interrupted the intruders just in time. It seems that fate has failed her again, as her door is hanging off of the hinges and her window is wide open, drawers thrown out of the chest.

She steps over the threshold, hand hovering over a shattered picture frame on the floor that encases a photo of her and her grandfather. Tears are now well and truly falling from her eyes, choked sobs escaping her mouth. Looking around she examines the damage while hastily pressing on her phone, trying to call the police or the security company or Finn or _someone_ —

But the bathroom door is open, and something catches her eye.

Red. Dark, blood red - everywhere. There’s a messy trail leading from her shower, staining the curtain and the white tile. It leads to her sink, where pools of it drain down the pipe and her body goes _numb_ as she looks in the mirror.

The reflection shows her, complexion white as a sheet, eyes wet and makeup ruined. Crimson writing cuts across her face, a message is written messily atop the mirrored surface,

_BE CAREFUL, REY._

The last thing she hears before everything goes black is the steady hum of a call tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasps*


	16. Contradictio in Adjecto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a wild update appears

**Chapter** **XVI** **: Contradictio in Adjecto**

_Contradictio in Adjecto - Contradiction in Itself_

**Track:** Animal - Troye Sivan

Kylo is sitting in his darkened office, the window coverings which he had previously kept open during snow storms are closed tightly. He had shut them in paranoia after seeing the photographs, having been unable to shake the feeling that he was being watched. They had been shut, effectively blocking out daylight, since that day. 

He has just finished editing the fifth draft of his resignation letter when his cell phone buzzes, lighting up with a picture of Poe’s dog Bee. He swipes right and before he can even say anything in greeting, he hears his friend's nervous voice through the speaker. 

“Ben! It’s Poe. Are you still in the city?”

“Yes?”

“Where are you right now? It’s Rey - she called me but the line...I waited, but there was no response from her. Finn said she was supposed to be on a plane but her flight was canceled. I contacted the security firm and the police. With this snow I don’t know how long it’ll take for them to get to her place -”

“I’m going now,” he interrupts, heart thudding in his chest and stomach filling with dread, already halfway out the door. “I’ll let you know.” 

Hanging up his phone, he dons his jacket and grabs his keys. His thoughts are a jumbled mess as he makes his way to his car, and he hardly remembers driving at all when he is parked in front of her house.

_Please be okay. Please be okay._

The door is hanging slightly open, and his fists are clenched as he walks up the icy steps, afraid to breathe or think or do anything at all until he knows she is _okay_. 

Kylo swings the door open to find her home in shambles and the back door flung open wide. 

“Fuck,” he curses, voice echoing eerily in the upturned space and he immediately takes the stairs three at a time, sucking in a harsh breath when his eyes land on a figure, slumped over and pale as a ghost. 

“Rey?” his voice is ragged, unrecognizable as he takes his coat off and drapes it over her prone form, “ _Rey, Rey, Rey.._ ” 

Then his large hands are cradling her face like she is made of porcelain, shaking fingers sliding to her neck and _there,_ a heartbeat. She is alive. 

Rey’s phone is several feet away, he grabs it, checking the time of her last call. _Twenty minutes_ , she has been unconscious for twenty minutes, alone and vulnerable like this for _twenty minutes._ Rage blinds him for a moment, and he throws her phone against the wall. 

He will get her a new one.

Kylo takes a deep breath, attempting to calm the rage that burns beneath his skin as he frantically studies her face and neck, finding no visible injuries. He is terrified to move her, not knowing what caused her to pass out. Reluctantly he stands, looking into her room and noting the open window - he starts to shut it but decides against it, preferring to leave things as is so that the police can handle it.

Stepping back into the hallway he follows a flash of red and pushes open the oak bathroom door. There is blood, lots of blood. Smeared across the white floor, filling the bathtub, the sink, and streaked across the mirror in a message. _CAREFUL, REY._

_Would Snoke go this far? Is this what I have been turning a blind eye to for the past ten years?_

The anger is leaving him, regret taking its place as he kneels back down next to an unconscious Rey.

**________________**

It smells. It smells like vomit mopped up with bleach; completely sterile yet not at the same time. Whatever she’s laying on - it isn’t comfortable, her head is swimming in muted pain and her neck is achingly sore.

Rey’s left eye opens slightly before her right, and she winces from how bright the LED bulbs burn in the room. Through her squinted eye, though, she sees a form slumped over in the chair next to her, their head resting on their palm. She attempts to turn over, but burning pain lights up all of the nerve endings surrounding her neck and head.

“Shit, you’re awake,” and she immediately recognizes the groggy voice of the person sleeping next to her bed.

“Ben?” she winces out. A heavy hand is now cradling her head, holding her steady.

“Yeah, it’s me. You need to stop moving, you fell pretty hard.” 

“Why the fuck are you here?” she coughs back.

Her vision comes into focus now, her eyes adjusting to the sterile light of what she assumes is a hospital room. And he’s _right there_ , right in front of her face. He’s not looking at her eyes though, he’s softly turning her head to assess the damage. But _she_ \- she is looking at him. His expression is soft but his eyes look worried, wrinkles growing across his forehead as he examines her. His lips still look as soft and plump as they always have, and his stubble has turned into the beginnings of a beard, making her think he hasn’t shaved in a few days.

He chuckles lightly, “I knew you probably wouldn’t want me here. But Poe called me, right after you called him,” he releases her head softly to fall back against the pillow and sits on the edge of her bed, hands on the outside of her hips. He’s _really_ looking at her now, molten eyes boring into hers. “Rey, I’m sorry. This is all my fault and I should have never -”

 “Ben”, she interrupts, her voice still sounding scratchy from sleep. “I think it’s a little too late for that now.”

He smiles softly at her, but it’s a sad smile - one filled with longing and sorrow and it makes her heart _ache_. It aches because she has every right to be upset at him, to scream and yell and kick, but instead, she places her hand on his. It’s warm and solid, and hers looks like a child’s in comparison, but he’s there, and he cares, and she’s not alone.

“How did you get in here anyway? I thought it was family only.” 

He smiles and picks up her hand that had been resting upon his, kissing it softly.

“I told them that you’re my fiancée,” he smiles against her hand like he knows something she doesn't and places another kiss on the curve of her knuckles. 

“Oh my god, you did not!” She groans, and despite the situation she allows herself to laugh at his lie.

He hums, still holding her hand in his, thumb rubbing back and forth, “But I did.”

His face has broken into a shit-eating grin now, and she’s smiling too. Laughing hurts though, and her laughter quickly turns into winces of pain.

“They put you on some pain meds when you initially got here. The doctor should be in here soon, I’m sure you can get some more. I think you’ll be discharged by tomorrow.” 

“Then what?" 

“I’ll take you somewhere safe.”

“What happened to not wanting me anymore? To my not being safe with you? That worked out really well, obviously.” There’s an edge to her tone now, twisting the knife of his guilt.

He works his jaw like he always does when he’s pensive and lets out a deep sigh.

“Rey, I can’t stay away from you, I won’t. I’ve left the First Order,” he says seriously. His eyes are focused intently on hers, begging her to understand what he’s saying, how he feels. “I’ll tell you everything once we leave here, I promise.”

Rey swallows and glances down at their joined hands, considering his words. She wants to trust him, she _did_ trust him. Looking up into his eyes, she lets her gaze linger, studying his expression - and is unable to find a trace of insincerity.  

_Please don’t push me away again. I don’t think I could handle it._

“I told you that I was in the foster system,” she starts, and at his nod, she continues. “My parents left me when I was a child. When my grandfather found me, everything changed, but that fear of abandonment…” Her voice trails off, and Ben gives her hand a slight squeeze, urging her to go on. “It never really went away,” she chokes out, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “And it’s fucking scary, okay? I don’t...I don’t _trust_ people, but with you, that trust came so easily.”

Taking a moment, she looks away from him, trying to find the courage to tell him what she needs to tell him before bringing her gaze back to meet his. “But then you left me alone,” she says, tone turning harsh, “after promising to take care of me.”

He flinches slightly at her words, and his expression turns dark as he meets her cutting gaze. 

_You promised, you promised, youpromised._

Suddenly, she feels a wet streak on her cheek, and she doesn't know when she started crying but she is now, and it won't stop. It has all been so _much_ \- the move across the country, starting at one of the most prestigious law schools in the world and juggling two jobs, being stalked and robbed and burglarized and now, now she’s in the hospital. She’s in the hospital and this professor that she has feelings for, that is also her employer is sitting on her bed, his hands cradling her face, wiping the tears away. 

Rey lifts her hand and grips the outside of his wrist, running her thumb on the back of his hand. They sit there for a while, looking at each other while Rey attempts to keep the tears from flowing. His expression is intense but _so_ vulnerable that it makes her heart skip a beat. Then he just...leans forward and places a soft, warm kiss on her forehead.

“I won’t leave you alone again Rey,” Ben breathes against her forehead. “You have no idea... _no idea_ how hard it has been for me to stay away from you.”

Rey shudders at his words, breath hitching. Despite the mind-numbing pounding in her head and the ache in her neck, she feels heat spread beneath her skin at his proximity and the way his breath fans across her skin. 

“Rest,” he says, pulling away from her and sitting back down on the chair next to her bed. “I’ll ring for the doctor.” 

Ben waits next to her bed, keeping watch as the pain medication takes over and she's pulled into a deep, dark sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos give us LIFE ♥


	17. Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience ♥ and for the comments & kudos! we love you all

**Chapter** **XVII** **: Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges**  

_Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges - For strong arms, the laws fall silent_

**Track:** Shrike - Hozier 

“The blood was fake,” she hears Ben’s deep voice say from the doorway of her hospital room, looking at her warily as she gathers her things, including her damaged phone. He had sheepishly admitted to throwing it against the wall, and promised to pay to have the screen fixed or for a new one. Rey had been able to use it to call her grandfather to check in, but she had been unable to tell him what had happened in her home, not wanting him to worry when she’s so far away.

“Well that’s a relief.” They had been able to tell right away that it wasn’t human blood, but Rey’s stomach still revolts a little when she recalls the sight of her bathroom.

She gestures for him to come in, and he awkwardly side steps the nurse who had helped her get dressed as she leaves the room. Rey fights back a smirk at the way he moves as if he is trying to take up the least amount of space possible. Which would be a feat considering just how _big_ he is.

She had woken up a mere two hours before, head cleared and feeling rested from her prolonged sleep, but body still sore from her fall. Which was all it had been. A fall. Her doctor, a sharp-tongued woman named Shaak Ti, had told Rey she had fainted and that her head and neck would be sore for a few days, but that she also suffered from severe exhaustion, which had been the cause of the pounding headache, and probably contributed to her passing out in her hallway. Ben’s face had looked stricken with guilt when Rey had admitted to not being able to sleep for the past few days. _Good_ , she had thought. S _erves him right for assuming that this would all magically go away if he kept his distance._  

Despite the words they had shared the night before, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to forgive him yet. He kept his promise, not leaving her bedside the entire night. It couldn’t have been comfortable, the way he had slept. She opened her eyes to him in that same chair, only his arms were folded on her bed, head resting against his upper arm and facing her. The man definitely had not had time for a proper shave. Rey found she didn’t mind him like that, a little scruff made him look older. The thought of feeling it against the skin of her neck, against her lips sent a thrilling tingle down her spine. 

Rey had woken him up by tentatively reaching out and running her fingers through his hair. Ben had let out a gentle huff and pursed his lips. She had stilled, eyes widening and hand hovering above his thick tresses of nearly pitch black hair, and when he didn’t wake up she did it again, this time tracing the pads of her fingers softly along the shell of his ear, giving his earlobe a gentle tug. His eyes had fluttered open then, and he had met her gaze openly, calmly as if she had been waking him up this way his entire life. She remembers thinking that it really is not fair, how beautiful he is to her.

She had pulled her hand away after meeting his stare for several heart fluttering moments, and then, “I want to leave. Now.” 

That was how she wound up unhooked from her heart monitor and IV, dressed in her airport clothes with a prescription for pain meds filled and currently clutched in Ben’s hand. He had brought her luggage with them to the hospital, which may not be that much use to her given the copious amounts of snow outside at the moment, and the fact that she had packed for Phoenix, but she would have him stop somewhere so she could get some warm clothes, as Rey was not ready to go back to the house just yet and he still hadn’t told her where they were going, but then again, they hadn’t really had much time to talk.

Rey lets out a sigh, rolling her neck side to side like the nurse had taught her, and then lifting her arms in a languorous stretch. “Ready?" 

She glances up to find his gaze heated, staring at the skin of her midriff that had been revealed when she stretched. She lowers her arms and his eyes snap to meet hers, staring intently at her in that _way_ of his, and holds out his hand to her, she looks at it— considering, before biting her lip and walking around him, thinking back to their text messages and his hardness pushed against her backside that morning she had woken up in his bed, knowing that he _wants_ her. It was different, she reasons, when she wasn’t still scared out of her mind, feeling touch-starved and pumped full of tramadol as she had been the night before when she had welcomed his warm hands on her face and cradling her own.

He had some major explaining to do.

 **________________**  

 

“Dameron handled locking your house back up and making sure the police got what they needed...I really owe him one,” he says, almost gruffly, attempting to break the silence. They had been driving for twenty minutes, and have yet to get out of the city. Probably due to the fact that it is extremely early in the morning...and Black Friday.

In the corner of his eye, he sees her roll her head towards him from where it had been leaning up against the black leather headrest of his passenger seat. “I still blame him, he should have canceled class. If he had I would have been in Arizona,” she teases him, and he can’t help but feel a pang of regret despite her lighthearted tone. “You really think this was all Snoke?”

It’s a hard question to answer, but the man was insanely manipulative _and_ cruel. He wouldn’t put it past him.   

“Maybe he found out I was going to resign and work for the prosecution,” he scoffs.

“You’re what?” Rey asks, sitting up in her seat in surprise. 

Kylo nods and swerves slightly in order to avoid a large snowbank that had somehow gathered in the street.

‘’I’m going to work for...with my mother, against Snoke”.

“But that would mean...your mother _and_ uncle are both...lawyers? Your mother is a prosecutor?” He wishes she would lay back and relax a little more, as he is still worried about the fall she had taken despite her insisting that she felt fine.

“My mother is the District Attorney, **”** he supplies, hands tightening slightly on the steering wheel. Had he not told her this before? Well, he _does_ prefer listening to her talk about, well...anything really. Everything. Over the sound of his own voice. 

“Your mother is the Distr—” her voice trails off, and then picks up again, as if she just remembered something. “Your mother is _Leia Organa?”_

“Yes,” he says matter of factly, not sure how else to respond.

 “But, your name is Ben Solo? Are your parents…?” he winces, not really wanting to get into the details of his past, but wanting to be completely honest with her.

“They divorced a long time ago,” he says, and hoping to change the subject adds, “but my name is actually Ben Organa Solo.” 

“Oh,” she replies, and they are exiting the city, finally. He lets out a sigh of relief and relaxes his shoulders a bit, the expressway is much clearer, the roads having been plowed and salted. It is still snowing, but he drives an SUV— and it’s not like he isn’t used to driving in a little snow. 

“I’m taking you to the house my mother’s family owns upstate. Near Cold Spring,” Kylo says, once again attempting to keep the conversation going.

“Will your family be there?” 

“No,” he laughs. “They are all in the city.”

“We could have stayed, I don’t want to take you away from them over the holiday—”

“ _I wanted_ to leave,” he interrupts, attempting to sound reassuring. “I drive upstate often, usually alone. Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you mind if we stop somewhere, a...Walmart or something?” She asks him, and he nods, knowing there are a few places they could stop along the way.

They continue the drive in silence, and he lets her rest, despite feeling like he needs to fill it, which isn’t an urge he is used to having. Even though they had sort of smoothed things over the night before, he can feel her distance— and it’s bothering him.

There is this persistent knot in his stomach, a compulsive _need_ to make her understand, urging him to explain why his gut reaction had been to push her away when all he had wanted to do was take her in his arms, in his bed and prove to her over and over again that he _would_ take care of her like he had promised her. But he has no clue where to even begin. Glancing over, he realizes that she had dozed off, and he takes in her sleeping features.  

It hits him then, and he draws in a deep breath at the lurching of his stomach. He would do _anything_ for her. Anything she asked of him. He would kneel at her feet and beg for forgiveness if that is what she demanded. He would let her scream at him, let her hit him and curse, and he would still not leave her alone. Not after everything. Not _for_ anything. He was done holding back, done trying to bury the feelings that had been growing inside, wrapping around his heart like vines and blooming with every moment shared between them since the night they met.

**________________**

 

“Rey,” a deep and familiar voice calls out to her. “Sweetheart, wake up.”

She blinks her eyes open, wincing at the stiffness of her neck and shoulder and realizing that she must have fallen asleep throughout the drive.

“How’s your pain?” Ben asks her, and she looks over to find his hand on the steering wheel but his body turned toward her, eyes concerned and full of something she can’t name. Her stomach fills with warmth at his expression, and she hopes that for once her blush won’t give her away.

“I’m okay honestly, just...tense.” They are parked in a lot in what looks like a quaint downtown area. “Where are we?”

“Cold Spring,” Ben responds, moving to get out of the car. He opens the door for her, and when he offers her his hand to step down from the vehicle she takes it. _Weak,_ she thinks to herself before taking her hand back and shoving it in her jacket pocket. 

Snow is still steadily falling around them, but it’s a quiet snow. The kind that makes you want to curl up in a flannel blanket with a cup of coffee and just _watch_. Nothing like the blizzard from the day before.

“There are a few shops we can visit in this area, they should have everything you need.” His tone is earnest, and Rey realizes that Ben’s eyes have not left her face even for a moment, and the warmth in her belly flares even more and she suddenly feels very hot despite the cold temperature outside and the jacket she is bundled up in.

They begin to walk, and she feels herself smiling slightly at the look of the town. Brick buildings line both sides of the street, each storefront already lit with twinkling Christmas lights. Ben leads her to a store titled _Old Souls_ , which carries clothing fitting to the landscape of the area. The sign printed on the large window in the front reads, ‘Outdoor Gear, Trail Maps, Camp & Home Goods, and... _Fly Fishing?’_  She steals a glance at Ben as he leads her into the store, wondering if he had ever gone fly fishing, in his sleek all-black outfit it is hard to picture, but with the beard growing on his upper lip and chin, she _can_ picture it, him standing in the Hudson River in waders, casting out his line, she covers her mouth to hide her quiet laugh from him when he looks at her in confusion. Those painkillers they had given her must _really_ be working if she’s picturing Professor Ren fly fishing. 

The inside looks like a log cabin, the lighting fixtures are even made from antlers, and she is reminded of Colorado, Oregon and all of the other places her grandfather had taken her growing up. Glancing down at her trainers she quickly makes her way over to the wall lined with shoes, she had been wanting some sturdy boots anyway, as the ones she had in Arizona for hiking desperately needed to be replaced. She grabs a pair of tan colored hiking socks and brown leather lace-up hiking boots.

Glancing around, she finds an attendant and asks for her size in the boots before wandering over to the women’s clothing section. She sighs, realizing she will have to spend money that she had been saving to buy her friends Christmas gifts. It’s not like she didn’t _need_ winter clothes though, so she picks out a dark red loose knitted sweater that she can wear with leggings and a long denim button-up shirt. She eyes the wall with Patagonia quarter zips— she had _always_ wanted one— but the weather in Arizona had never really given her reason enough to spend that much, so she makes her way over to them, going through the variations of colors that the shop has when Ben comes up behind her, deep voice sending vibrations straight to her core.

“Finding everything okay?”

Rey jumps, immediately dropping the price tag and turning towards him to find that he is holding a few items of his own to purchase. She shakes her head, glancing over to see that pair of boots for her to try on resting on the wooden bench near the wall of shoes she makes her way over to them. They fit perfectly and are much more suited to the current weather than her trainers. She grabs a dark green knitted hat, smiling at the fluff ball at the top of it. Winter clothes shopping was slightly novel to her, as she did not have any memories of doing it as a kid in England, shopping for hiking gear with her grandfather was more about practicality than anything else.

Just as she is lacing up her trainers the shop attendant swipes the box that holds the boots from where it sits next to her and places it in a bag. “Oh, thank you!” Rey says, smiling at the girl when she realizes that the clothes she had picked out were also gone and Ben was pocketing his wallet at the counter.

Her face flames with anger at the fact that he had probably, _definitely_ bought her items, and she stands up, making her way towards him before grabbing his wrist and dragging him out the door. 

“I didn’t ask for you to do that?”

“You would never have, which is why I just did it,” he shrugs, broad shoulders lifting slightly as he stares intently at her. She huffs, attempting to grab at the bags in his hands to count out how much it was and pay him back _rightthissecond_ but he sweeps his hand back instead. 

“ _You_ \- you give those back! Return them! So I can buy them again,” she says, her body colliding with his solid frame as she attempts to take the bags from him. They must look ridiculous, standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the snow, Ben holding bags way out of her reach and twisting and turning while she pushes herself against him in attempt to climb up his body to reach them. Why did he have to be as tall as a fucking _tree?_

Rey is stubborn though, and she doesn’t let up until she feels his opposite arm snake around her waist, holding her up and elevated against him, only the tips of her toes barely hitting the ground. Her breath hitches when she feels the heat of his exhale against her ear. “Got you,” he says, and those simple words are somehow both suggestive and _meaningful_ like he had been waiting to have her like this, in his arms, for a long time.

She licks her lips, fingers clutching at his shoulders, he doesn’t let go— instead pulling back to look down at her, a question in his eyes, his expression melting as her face flames and heart begins to beat wildly in her chest. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, deep voice breaking.

Her mouth falls open slightly and unable to resist she nods, closing her eyes at a flash of movement and the feeling of soft lips brushing against her own. She exhales through her nose against him, heart jumping when he pushes his lips against hers a little harder, taking her breath from her as he brings her upper lip between his own, and then does the same with her bottom lip, taking it and sucking lightly. His beard scrapes slightly against her nose and chin, and she shivers at the feeling, fingers digging into his shoulders at the sensations he is causing to ripple through her. She kisses him back. 

Tight heat curls low in her abdomen when he slides the tip of his hot tongue against the seam of her lips, and she brings her hands from his shoulders up to tangle into the hair at the nape of his neck before opening to him, and he somehow _deepens_ the kiss, fingers squeezing into her side as he devours her mouth. Rey’s core is beating heatedly with arousal when he pulls back, giving her lips a soft peck and then kissing the tip of her nose before releasing his tight grip around her waist, allowing her to slide down the hard planes of his body until her feet hit the salted concrete of the sidewalk. 

She blinks up at him, and this time when he takes her hand in his, she doesn’t protest.

**________________**

 

Kylo wants to kiss her again, he realizes somewhat numbly as he watches her little pink tongue swipe at the mint ice cream sitting atop the waffle cone that she holds in her hands. He wants to do _many_ things to her. He shifts in his seat, tugging inconspicuously at his jeans in order to hide the hardness that had been there since he had _finally_ tasted that pretty mouth of hers. He shudders anew at the memory of it, the way her lips had felt against his own, her hands tugging his hair and the warmth of her body pushed against his. _Fuck_ she had tasted like brown sugar and snow, better than he had imagined. 

He needed to relax, and watching Rey eat ice cream was not helping. Not at all. She had been quiet when he lead her by the hand to the small pharmacy, picking up a few things he thought she may not know she needed like tiger balm and ibuprofen. He had asked her to search for some snacks she may want while he escaped to the family planning section, grabbing the black box of condoms and shoving them in the basket he held, luckily he had been able to mostly check out before he felt her body slide up beside him. She placed several bags of chips and a pack of Oreos on the counter, reaching into her purse for what he assumed was her wallet and glancing up at him. The look he gave her must have been enough, because she looked away and clasped her purse shut, letting him pay for her items.

“At least let me buy you ice cream? I noticed a shop…” She had said, which is how he ended up here, a bowl of orange sherbet of all things sitting in front of him, the snow still steadily falling outside the slightly fogged up window of the shop.

“I know you must have questions…” he began, her unusually quiet demeanor still not sitting right with him, no matter how passionately she had returned his kiss.

Her wide hazel eyes meet his stare before she lowers her lashes, clearing her throat. “How did you get involved with someone like Snoke in the first place?”

Kylo shifts in his seat. The things is— he had built walls, years ago, and they were so high that for a while even he could not see over them. Towering, thick, and concrete as they were. Built up and solid around his mind, around his heart. But Rey, she had come into his life with her knowing smile, her tentative touch and torn them down without even trying. He feels...like _himself_ when he is with her, for the first time in a long fucking time, he feels like maybe he is _good._ Unmarred by his past, and living in this moment, looking only to the future— and it is sitting right in front of him. He will not let it get away from him again, and he will destroy anyone and anything who stands in the way of it.  

So he tells her the truth, all of it— starting with his grandfather, and how the revelation of his bloodline had affected him. His parents whispers that he had never been meant to hear. And then Snoke, always hovering in the shadows since before he could even remember, waiting to sink into his mind and corrupt.

“I tried to get out, two years ago by throwing cases, but my mother’s political career...I had already put her through so much so I just… I just _dealt_ with it,” he finishes, shoulders sinking with unexpected relief that she was not running in the opposite direction after learning of how he had lived for the past ten years. 

“It must have been lonely for you.” Her gaze is not pitying, but _understanding_ and he thinks, no— he knows that _she knows_ loneliness, having grown up the way that she did. He admires her, almost desperately for the person she is despite her past. Kylo reaches across the wooden table then, just needing to feel the warmth of her hand in his own.

“You’re not alone. Not anymore,” Rey says then, expression open and burning. 

His heart picks up at her words and the look on her face, and he might feel a distinct stinging behind his eyes that he hadn’t felt in a long time. “Neither are you.”

**________________**

 

They make one more stop at a local market, picking out groceries for the remainder of the long weekend. There are no classes on Monday or Tuesday due to the weather, so he picks out things to make for the four days they will be there, loading them up in the cart that he pushes, stealing glances at Rey as she keeps up with him. Kylo is enthralled by her, as she moves in his space, making idle comments about what looks good and helping him pick the best produce.

He finds himself brushing up against her whenever he can find a good enough reason for it, standing close behind her as she sorts through the lemons to find the freshest looking one. Feeling an almost predatory satisfaction at the way she blushes at his proximity. _Will you let me make you feel good? Now that I’ve told you everything?_

Kylo is a little surprised that Rey does the same to him, her hand on his arm as she moves around his body to look at the variety of granola bars the store has, her body close when they stand in the checkout line, her shoulder brushing up against his ribs. He can’t stop thinking about dipping his head down and bringing his lips to hers again, but he will wait for her to initiate this time— not wanting to break the spell of quiet warmth that has settled between them since that moment he had taken her delicate yet strong hand in his. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks her as they load the groceries into the back of his SUV. Helpless to resist the urge to do so— he brings his hand up to gently hold her neck, noting the faint bruising on her temple and the side of her jaw. His gaze moves to her eyes when she grasps his wrist, her blunt nails ghosting across the exposed skin in a gentle caress. She tugs his hand up and kisses the inside of his palm where it meets his wrist.

“Better now.”

**________________**

Ben drives another twenty or thirty minutes, passing through low white mountains that were probably green and mossy a mere week ago. She resists the urge to roll down the window to smell the air, not wanting snow to ruin the leather seats of Ben’s car. Soon they are driving down a private road, the line of trees— some still with aging leaves hanging on their branches, looms over their path like a canopy and Rey feels apprehension begin to settle in her stomach at the prospect of being _this_ alone with him for four days. 

After about a mile the tree line opens up, and Rey’s eyes widen at the structure nestled next to a glassy, still lake. The home is more of a large cabin, lined with cedar planks and angular, wide windows, giving it a contemporary feel. 

“This is your... _house_?” she asks him, in awe of just how...perfect it looks to her. 

“It’s my family home,” he responds, his voice deep and honeyed as he puts the car in park. Reluctantly, she tears her eyes away from the home to gauge his expression, and he looks...happy. She smiles at him then, and her heart beats a little faster when his slight smile widens into a full grin. “Let’s get you inside.” 

They gather their things, him insisting on carrying most of it despite her protests as she follows him through the doorway. The house is cold, and he immediately drops their bags to the floor and heads to the thermostat before flipping a breaker and switching on the lights. It smells like pine and cedar, and when the overhead lighting fixture blinks on she can see why. The entire place is lined with wood planks, reminiscent of a log cabin. The kitchen is modern, built for serious cooking, but still somehow rustic, fitting to the view, which she can see through a floor to ceiling window across the living room, overlooking the grey lake across a large deck. A towering fireplace made from stone is at the far wall of the living room, the mantle lined with old photographs. There is a large leather sectional and two mid-century modern armchairs surrounding an oak coffee table in front of the fireplace, all sitting atop a patterned rug.

It feels...even homier than her own home.

“My mom renovated a couple years ago. She redid the kitchen and got all new furniture,” he explains, probably after noticing her awed expression. “If she ever gets tired of politics, she could definitely make a living doing this sort of thing.”

Rey nods her agreement and moves to help him put away all of the groceries. He heads back to the car, telling her to make herself at home while he gets the rest of their things. Alone, she moves towards the mantle— eyeing the photographs that line the plank of wood. One is of a blonde young man, whose grin she recognizes to be Professor Skywalker’s, and a captivating brunette woman with familiar dark eyes. _Ben’s mother_ , she realizes as she takes in the picture. The two are at Columbia, standing in the sunlit quad in summer clothes, back to back in a playful pose. Another photo is of Ben, looking young and a little awkward sitting in between his parents. She takes in his father for the first time, noting the similarities in the roguish handsomeness of his dad’s face then and his own face now. Professor Dameron is even in one of the pictures, his arm slung around Ben’s mother’s shoulders as they stand in a different, more dated looking kitchen than the one at her back.

Blinking, she takes in the last photo, an older one— two younger looking men stand close to each other, towering over a young woman who stands in between them, all three hold rifles against their shoulders, one has a hauntingly sad look in his eyes despite the fact that he is smiling slightly and the other— a bearded man, with achingly familiar blue eyes and an easy smile— Obi-Wan, she realizes. Her grandfather and Ben’s, _that must be Anakin_. The woman, beautiful and standing much shorter than the two men, has her dark hair pulled back in a braid and an easy smile on her face. That must be Ben’s grandmother, Padmé.

“They used to go hunting out here, all three of them,” Ben’s voice says from very close behind her. He keeps _doing_ that. 

“It’s so strange, how it all ended up,” she says turning towards him thinking of the long story he had told her in the ice cream shop, she uncrosses her arms to toy with the bottom of his black henley, shifting her gaze up to meet his molten stare when he wraps his large hand around her arm, just above the curve of her elbow and pulls her to him, enveloping her in his impossibly warm embrace. She buries her face in his chest, taking in his familiar scent. 

“It is tragic isn’t it?” his deep voice rumbles against her hair. “But we’re here now.” 

There is a finality to the way he says it that makes her burrow a little closer into his embrace before pulling back at the sound of her stomach grumbling.

“Hungry?” he asks, that same concerned look on his face.

“Famished.”

**________________**

 

After ordering her to sit and relax, he begins to prepare an early dinner. It’s around 3:45 in the afternoon, but they had been up since 5:00 am, having only eaten breakfast at the hospital and then the ice cream, which wasn’t nearly enough, he decides to cook a huge meal of fresh salmon and potatoes. 

In the corner of his eye, he can see her socked feet dangling over the arm of the couch and he smirks, knowing she is not one to keep her hands idle, and that it is probably killing her to sit still.

The meal is whipped up in less than 45 minutes, and he lets her help him set the table when she innocently peaks up at him from above the couch cushions. The handmade table overlooks a large window showing the property leading out to the lake. It’s a nature preserve and has looked the same since he was a kid. Kylo loves it up here, being away from everything. He always felt like he was able to breathe a little easier without the skyscrapers of the city bearing down on him.

“What do you normally do up here, when you’re alone?”

“Read, go hiking...sometimes I’ll come up when I have a lot of work to finish, but most of the time I just...try to relax,” he answers, shrugging.

Rey hums and glances out at the lake, and he feels his heart skip a beat, his breath catch in his throat at the sight of her in front of him at that moment. Her face is scrubbed clean, she’s wearing a grey Columbia sweatshirt with her hair pulled up and away from her face...she looks so content, so relaxed sitting at this table he has been eating at since he was a kid. She looks like she belongs there, with him, and he realizes that his time there before could never compare to this because he feels transformed by her presence. Made whole.

**________________**

 

“I’m exhausted,” Rey says on a yawn, her arms stretching above her head. They had finished cleaning up from dinner several hours ago, and had been playing cards ever since. Rummy. It was a good distraction from everything, and she found herself laughing with him more than she ever had, learning that they were both very competitive.

His expression turns serious all of a sudden, his irises reflecting the glow of the hearth that had been a full crackling fire earlier as he stares at her from across the coffee table. “There are still some things I need to do, but you should really get some rest, the doctor said—”

“I’m not going to argue with rest, but I’d like to shower first…” she says sheepishly, she hadn’t showered in over 48 hours and hot water pouring over her still sore body sounded _glorious_. His lips quirk up a little and he stands, holding out his hand to her to help her get up from her spot on the carpet and then grabbing her bag which had been by the door. He leads her up the polished wooden staircase and down a hallway.

“The bathroom is through that bedroom,” he tells her, long finger pointing. “Feel free to sleep after, I have a deadline.” He squeezes her hand and she feels heat spread across her cheeks when he brings his lips to her temple, placing a soft kiss there before turning to head back downstairs.

Rey moves through the bedroom, amazed at the size of the windows at the far wall. The floors are the same red toned pine throughout the rest of the house, the ceilings angular, high and lined with wooden beams. The bed is large and cozy looking, and she throws her bag on top of the quilt, taking out her toiletries and the probably much too cold pajamas she had packed for Arizona which were just her running shorts and a t-shirt. She could wear her crewneck over them.

Padding over to the door she pauses, remembering the state of her own bathroom that had led to her being here in the first place. She shakes her head, opening the door to reveal a large restroom, another window sitting over a decently sized clawfoot tub, she can’t see the view given how dark it is, but she imagines it’s beautiful. The shower is separated, and she turns the knob to hot as she strips, wincing at the tightness of her shoulder and neck as she removes her bra.

Stepping into the shower stream, she lets the hot water pour over her body, warming all the cold places and acting as a balm to her tired nerves. She digs her fingers into her scalp when she shampoos her hair, wanting to be as clean as possible, there is a fresh bar of soap in the stall that smells like Ben, and she uses it all over, finding comfort in the familiar scent. Rey shaves her legs and armpits and considers before opting to leave the space between her legs neatly trimmed as it is.

Reluctantly, she turns off the shower and opens the stall, steam billowing out behind her into the bright space. Toweling off and putting on her pajamas, she brushes her teeth and combs the snarls out of her hair, attempting not to think about the fact that Ben is in the same house, downstairs doing...whatever it is that he is doing.

Stepping out of the bathroom into the low lit bedroom, she finds an extra blanket in the closet and lays it out on the bed, glancing at the cracked screen of her phone, she clicks it on, seeing several texts from her roommates, Finn assuring Rose and Paige that she was safe after she had sent the initial message letting them know what had happened shortly after she had woken up. 

Rey groans, her eyelids drooping heavily as she pulls on the hiking socks that Ben had bought for her and shuts off the light before climbing into the large bed and burrowing under the thick blankets. She wonders for a moment, with warmth in her belly, if Ben will join her or sleep in one of the other rooms. Heat pools at her center as she remembers his strong arm holding her up against him and his plush lips tugging at her own— but her mind does not allow her to dwell too much on it, pulling her into sleep in hardly any time at all.


	18. Animus Possidendi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your amazing comments on the last chapter! We love you guys ♥
> 
> Also massive thank you to [Katie](https://twitter.com/ben69solo?lang=en) for beta'ing this beast of a chapter. If you aren't reading [Liaison](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259803/chapters/35395593), you really should because it's ridiculously good.
> 
> Happy reading!

**Chapter** **XVIII** **: Animus Possidendi**

_Animus Possidendi - Intention to Possess_

**Track:** Too Good - Troye Sivan

The room she slept in is shrouded in blue light, and when she turns her head she can see the moon hanging in the midnight sky through the hazy floor to ceiling window. She rises from the bed, placing her feet on the wooden floor and making her way to the door where she knows the bathroom is— only to let out a soundless scream when she is met with brilliant bright light and blood covering every surface of the previously bleached white room upon opening the door.

Rey stumbles backward only to run into something— no, _someone_ — who wraps their arms around her in a vice-like grip. She turns her head, heart pounding in her throat only to see a figure shrouded in darkness. She fights the hold, pushing and scrambling and screaming to get out of their grasp, and just when she thinks _this is it, I am going to be taken—_

Her eyes snap open.

“Rey, _breathe_.”

She does, coughing on her exhale and choking on a sob. Her eyes feel wet and her body is pulsing with the residual adrenaline she had felt in her sleep, unpleasant heat creeping from her chest outward across the surface of her skin at the memory of the blood and the weight of the stranger’s arms around her.

“ _Dammit_ Rey— I’ve got you. Now _breathe._ ”  

 _Oh_. She inhales again, this time following it with rapid breaths, lucidity finally setting in as she fills her lungs with air and the staccato beat of her heart slows.

“Shh— you’re okay. You’re safe here,” Ben whispers close to her ear. She scrunches her eyes shut, tangling her fingers into the fabric of his shirt and counting down from ten until the panic begins to dull in her brain.

That’s right, she’s safe. Upstate with Ben. No one would find them here and if they did, she _would_ be able to fight them off. Because she is _strong_.

Rey lets out one last shuddering gasp, eyes blinking wetly with traces of her tears. She is sitting up, she realizes in muted surprise. Ben has her clutched to him, arms wrapped around her torso in an unrelenting embrace.

“I’m okay— just a nightmare,” her voice comes out hoarse as she instinctively attempts to reassure him, not really knowing why she feels the need to other than the fact that he is holding her _very_ tightly, and his body is tensed with anxiety.

“You were screaming in your sleep…” His voice is wracked with something she can’t name. “When I heard I came running, I thought something had happened. But then you wouldn’t _breathe. Fuck—“_

“I was screaming?” That explains why her throat feels raw. She moves a hand that had been clutching his shirt to stroke his hair, just to let him know that she is _okay. It was just a dream,_ she nods to herself and he buries his face in her neck, holding her like she is his lifeline.

“I’m sorr—“

“No,” Rey interrupts him sternly; she will not let him go back to that. Not after hearing what he went through and learning his true reasons for trying to keep his distance, how it had been just as hard for him as it had been for her. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is—“

“Well, I say it isn’t, and...and it happened to _me,_ so I get to decide whose fault it is.” She wasn’t going to let him do that, they only had so much time alone together and she didn’t want him spending it...wallowing in his own guilt. And it’s not like he is the one who drenched her bathroom with fake blood. It’s not like _he_ is the one who took the photos.

Ben only sighs, squeezing her a little tighter, which she didn’t think was even possible, before loosening his grip and pulling away to look at her face. The moonlight streaming in through the window is the only light in the room, but it is enough to allow her to see his features, to notice that something breaks a little in his expression as he takes her in and she doesn’t like that _at all_ so she says the first thing that pops into her head. “Kiss me.”

“Rey—“

“You promised. Now kiss me. _Please_.”

He makes a soft huffing noise but he does as she asks, bringing his lips down to hers in a gentle caress, lingering for a few moments before shifting to pull away. But Rey is not having that, not at all— so she bites his bottom lip, hoping to get him to deepen the kiss. It works. He growls into her mouth and the walls of her cunt clench when he swipes his tongue along the seam of her lips, a thrill of arousal shooting up from her core at the sensation. She opens to him, mind now fully awake and focused only on getting _more_ of him. However just as she is moving closer he pulls away, and she lets out an involuntary whimper at the loss of his lips against hers, but it must be the sound she makes because he is on her again— plush lips artfully pushing and pulling against her own, his hot tongue slowly sliding in between her lips to taste the inside of her mouth.

Rey’s toes curl underneath the quilts and she feels the mattress dip when he places a palm right next to her hip, shifting his weight towards her just slightly more as he drinks her in with his lips, teeth, and tongue. His giant hand tangles in her hair at the nape of her neck and she gasps, thinking that maybe she should feel a little embarrassed at how his hand in her hair can make her feel _that_ _good_ — but she simply can’t.

Ben tugs at her hair a little then, pulling her lips from his own and resting his forehead against hers. They are both panting, sharing breath with every inhale and exhale.

It was just what Rey needed. _Has_ needed since all of this started, if she is honest with herself. Maybe even before then, when they had first met at Maz’s, or when he had come into the bookstore and stared deep into her with those dark, all-knowing eyes of his.

Rey tilts her chin and this time, for the first time, she is the one to kiss _him._ She is surprised by how nervous it makes her, being the one to initiate this seemingly simple act. Her heart flutters in her chest pleasantly as she glides her tongue along his bottom lip; smiling into his mouth a little when he groans and nips at her with his teeth before lifting her by her hips and placing her in his lap, her legs to one side and dangling off the edge of the bed. Heat unfurls low in her belly when she feels his considerable hardness against her backside. Unable to help herself, she wiggles a little, and he tentatively grinds his hips against her on a loud exhale through his nose. He drags his lips away from hers again, and when she opens her eyes he is staring intently down at her, his brow furrowed and his lips swollen.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” He asks her breathlessly. It is such a ridiculous thing to ask, because she is in his lap, her sex pounding in need of him, his dick hard and _definitely_ ready beneath her and she has _wanted_ this so _bad_ —

But she nods anyway, because he looks like he needs her to say yes.

**________________**

Kylo adjusts himself in his pants for the third time since he had come downstairs. He had wanted to fuck her into the mattress, _could_ have fucked her into the mattress if she had asked him to, if she had kept kissing him like _that_. But it wasn’t the time, not when he had woken to her screams, having dozed off while working with his laptop still open and files spread out on the dining room table.

It had almost been as scary as finding her pale and unconscious in her hallway. He shudders at the memory, turning his head from the kettle to peek at her, reassuring himself by letting his eyes linger on her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. He tears his gaze away only when he hears the shrill sound alerting him to the milk boiling, and turns the stove off.

“I had nightmares as a kid you know,” he says to her as he pours the milk into two mugs and mixes the cocoa powder in. “My mother would always give me this afterward, she still says it was the only thing that calmed me down.”

“Does it help?”

Kylo shrugs and moves to place the mugs on coasters on the coffee table, in front of the newly lit fireplace. “I always thought so.”

He had taken some time to change out of his black jeans and long sleeved henley and into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt. He had also scrubbed his face clean and brushed his teeth, a little embarrassed because his breath had probably not been the greatest when they’d kissed, having chugged coffee earlier in order to stay awake and meet his grading deadline. Rey hadn’t seemed to mind all that much, though.

She is already sitting on the large, worn leather couch and Kylo— feeling bold and a little protective— grabs the quilt folded over the armchair and sits next to her, lifting and placing her in his lap before draping the blanket over them both. She just hums contentedly and snuggles into his chest. His heart skips a beat at the sound, and _damn_ is he in deep, he doesn't think he will be able to let her go. Ever.

Kylo holds her to him, gently rubbing his hand back and forth on her bare thigh in an effort to keep her warm,  he loves the feel of her skin underneath his palm, and how small she feels in his arms. He plants a kiss in her hair before bending forward to hand her a mug and to take one for himself.

They sip the hot chocolate in silence, both content to just stare at the fire until Rey clears her throat. 

“I need you to promise me something,” she says, her voice even and steady. He glances down and she looks up to meet his gaze. He swallows deeply and nods, not entirely trusting his voice to speak aloud. 

“Promise me that you won’t make decisions for me like you did when you decided to push me away. You’ve seen where that got us.” She pauses, taking a deep breath before continuing when he gently squeezes her leg. “If this is going to work, we need to communicate properly, which means no more secrets even if you think it’s in my best interest that I don’t know something.”

Something lurches inside his chest at her words, both in guilt at how he handled things before and excitement at how she speaks like they are a _they_.

“No more secrets,” he affirms. “I promise.”

She visibly relaxes in his embrace, turning to stare at the only light source in the darkened room. He watches the flames too, before looking down at her face, taking in the way the warm light reflects in her hazel irises as they shift to meet his gaze.

________________

Rey could die here, in his arms, happily. He’s so big and warm, his left hand wrapped around her waist as his right hand holds the steaming mug of hot chocolate. Sitting on his lap is the closest she’s ever gotten to eye level with him. 

The mug in her hands is slowly but surely starting to burn her palms, but she can’t tear her eyes away from his. She takes one last sip and stretches to place the cup back down. Adjusting herself in his lap, she straddles him, pressing her center against the growing hardness in his pants. The expression painted over his face is something akin to fear mixed with awe.

Rey leans over—his left hand is on her hip while his right is attempting to hold his mug steady—and places the softest kiss on his cheek. She then runs her fingers through his hair, tucking the wavy tresses behind his ears. His head immediately turns down, and Rey sees the blush growing across his cheeks. She uses the pads of her fingers to trace the shell of his ear— much like she had that morning— and his mouth falls open slightly on a sigh; she can feel his breath on her neck and it makes her feel lightheaded.

________________

Rey places a soft kiss where her fingers had just traced along the skin of his ear. Kylo thinks he is in heaven, here, in this moment with her. Is this a dream? _Am I dreaming?_ He would think he was if not for the heat of her, and the way she smells like vanilla and oakwood. He has wanted her like this since first laying eyes on her, and he can’t quite fathom the fact that Rey currently has him between her thighs, looking at him like she wants to discover _..._ to _consume_ him. Lust unfurls low in his stomach when she reaches for him, turning his face in her hands and placing a kiss on each cheekbone, the ridge of his nose, the corners of his mouth, and a nip at his ear. The energy thrumming between them is palpable, and Kylo thinks he’s never experienced intimacy at this level in his entire life.

When he makes eye contact with her again, her gaze mirrors the soft amber flames in the fireplace burning behind her. The sheer heat in her eyes makes something flutter in his stomach, and hands shaking, he immediately moves to place the damned mug on the ground, uncaring if it spilled.

He grabs her hips, sliding his palms down to trace her bare thighs, holding her gaze the entire time. He palms her pert little ass that he spends lots of time, _too much_ time staring at when he thinks she won’t notice. Blood rushes to his already hard cock and he holds back a whimper when she bears down on him, the heat of her core enough that he can feel it through his sweatpants.  

Kylo sits up straighter, bringing his lips to Rey’s in a passionate kiss. She melts into him, and he meets the grinding of her hips with a groan into her mouth and a tentative thrust of his own. This kiss is different from the ones they’ve shared before — just as burning as it is meaningful, and Kylo feels like he’s kissing fire. When they detach from one another, he looks at her— lips swollen from his kisses, her slept-in hair, her slightly puffy eyes. His heart swells in his chest, and he thinks it may burst from how she’s looking at him with such fervor and compassion. Slight panic rises in his throat because he doesn’t deserve it, he put her in danger, and this is _all_ his fault—

“Ben,” she interrupts his thoughts.

“Rey,” he sighs. “I don’t think—.”

Her face falls, a glimmer of frustration welling in her eyes that gives him pause.

“I don’t want to think about it anymore, Ben. I can’t dwell on it…” her voice trails off so he rubs his palm up and down her thigh in reassurance, wanting to hear the rest of what she has to say and just aching to touch her. “I trust you, Ben. I probably shouldn’t so quickly after everything...but I do. And I _want_ you.”

Her words, and the desperate way she says them makes him decide then and there that he is hers for as long as she will have him.

He gently grabs her chin, tilting it up to meet his lips, kissing her again. The few tears that fell from her eyes press against his skin, and he pulls from her lips to kiss each of them away.

“I’m not fragile, you know,” Rey huffs, her eyes fluttering as he returns her soft kisses from earlier, scattering them across her face and jaw. Kylo bites her then, at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, and is rewarded with a grind of her hips into his already weeping hardness.

“Oh I know,” he chuffs, grabbing at her waist, fingers sliding underneath her sweatshirt to dig into the skin of her lower back. _But I have to be gentle with you tonight._

He brings his lips to hers again, tongue sinking into her mouth and tasting his fill, knowing without a doubt that it will never be enough. Rey’s lips taste like chocolate and cream and her hips are rolling into his, sex grinding onto him through her little cloth shorts. He clenches his jaw as he tears his mouth away to look down at her— noting her flushed face and hungry gaze illuminated by the fireplace. _Precious girl, red and panting for me. I’ve barely touched you._  

His cock twitches, and it is at that moment that Rey tears her sweatshirt over her head, leaving her in an oversized t-shirt.

Kylo brings his hands under the shirt, one spanning her back and the other gripping her ribs, his thumb brushing the underside of her breast before bringing his head down to eagerly mouth at her nipple through the fabric. Rey hisses and grinds down on him a little harder before yanking his head up to move her lips against his again, her little tongue delving in between as she takes her pleasure in her thrusts against him.

________________

Rey thinks she might come just from this. From his lips on hers and the feel of his body as she undulates her hips against him. This is new to her, this passion and fire low in her belly. She moans when his hands palm at her ass again, the tips of his fingers sliding along the exposed skin of her backside where her shorts had ridden up — it makes her want to feel his fingers _between_ her legs, drenched in her wetness where she needs him most.

Lifting her hips up to hover over him, she takes her t-shirt off. And when she looks to gauge his reaction, Ben is still looking only at her face, as if he was waiting for her to see him _see her_ for the first time. She watches him intently as his eyes drift down, burning a path across her skin. They darken as he takes in her exposed breasts and stomach, and before she can blink he is on her, bringing first a nipple and then the entirety of her breast into his mouth, paying special attention to swirl circles around her nipple with his hot tongue.

“Perfect,” she hears him mutter in between sucking faint marks into the skin of her breasts. “ _Perfect_ , Rey.”

Rey can feel her arousal pooling and soaking through her underwear, and she wonders if it is sweat or that moisture she feels currently sliding down her inner thighs. 

She lets out a gasp when Ben suddenly takes her sensitive nipple between his teeth and _nibbles_ , causing pinpricks of pleasure to shoot straight to her throbbing center.

“I’m close,” she breathes out against his hair. He immediately looks up at her and it is...the sexiest thing she has ever seen, the look he gives her in that moment.

Ben shifts them so she is sprawled out across the oversized leather couch, nipples hardening into peaks against the cold _whoosh_ of air the movement brings.

Her heart is fluttering wildly in her chest and she feels heat rise up her neck at the small wet spot she sees at the front of his grey sweatpants— not knowing if it’s from him or her. She licks her lips when he removes his shirt, keeping his eyes on her the entire time, tracking every movement on her face as he reveals pale skin and taut, hard muscle. Somehow he looks bigger without his clothing, and Rey shudders in anticipation at the sight of his erection bulging in his pants— thick, long and prominent beneath the stretched, taut cotton.

His large, callused fingers linger at her waistband, tickling and making her _want_ all at once. She lifts her hips, her eyes giving him permission as he takes off her shorts and panties in one go, before shifting his head down to envelope her mouth in a searing kiss. 

“I’ve dreamt about this Rey,” Ben says fervently while trailing kisses across her jaw and down her neck. “How you would look bare and coming apart underneath me.”

She whimpers and tugs at his hair, her sex fluttering when he sweeps the flat of his tongue underneath her ear. She has never felt this way before, hovering at this burning, _pulsing_ edge, sweet and sticky in her cunt as he kisses down her body.

“I dreamt of you,” he says gruffly as he nips at the jut of her hip bone. “Hair damp and sitting in my classroom.”

Rey thinks she may come from his words alone, at the way they make her insides twist and pulse in pleasure. “Did you dream of me Rey? Did you imagine what these would feel like, inside of you?” Ben brings a hand to hold her chin then, leaning over her. He parts her leaking folds with his other hand— simultaneously dipping a finger into her wetness and sliding his thumb to her lips, hand cradling her chin, weight balancing on his forearm. His gaze is set intently on her as he slides his fingers up and down the seam of her aching pussy, frustratingly avoiding both her clit and her entrance, causing her hips to undulate at the desperate clenching and unclenching of her cunt.

She gets the hint when she feels how his thumb grazes across her lips, tonguing it into her mouth and sucking on it. He groans and rewards her by sinking a single thick, long digit into her, dragging his thumb over her clit and then stretching her with another finger when she takes the thumb inside her mouth between her teeth. 

Ben lets out a harsh breath when she feels herself clench down on his thrusting fingers. He grinds his hips into her as he works her, shifting his hand that had been cradling her face to get a better angle— she can feel how hard he is, how _big_ he is, through his sweats as he curls his thick fingers inside of her and hits a spot that has her vision blurring and pressure building in her abdomen. 

“I did,” she heaves out. “I imagined how good you’d make me feel with your hands and mouth. _Ahh—“_  

Ben had dragged his fingers out of her tight heat and up to work her clit at her admission, and the immense pleasure that washes over her with every swirl of his fingers crashes against her like ocean waves. She stares up at him hazily, little noises coming from the back of her throat as he brings her to her peak. 

“You’re so wet for me, Rey,” he says reverently, deeply—sending a thrill up her spine. “Will you come for me, sweetheart?” 

He is beautiful in his intensity, moonlit from the large windows that line the wall behind him and bathed by fire all at once. His long, black hair hangs down around his flushed face as his eyes drink her in, possessing her. She will never forget this, the way the broad plains of his chest and shoulders hover over her body, his hard cock grinding into her hips through his pants as he swirls the pads of his fingers back and forth over her sensitive bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pressure.

 _Yes — so close. Please, please,_ please _—_

Rey inhales sharply and squeezes her eyes shut, a whimper escaping from her throat is swallowed up by Ben’s mouth on hers as she breaks, white bursting beneath her eyelids and pressure finally, _finally_ releasing, pulsing and burning her from the inside out as she comes, wetness gushes from her center— dripping down onto Ben’s bent knee between her thighs as the sweet release radiates from her core to the rest of her body. 

Ben is kissing her in earnest as she climaxes, his tongue periodically dipping into the heat of her mouth. It’s good, _so good_ that she thinks she will not survive him, how _good_ he is to her — and she has not even felt him inside of her yet.

He pulls away on a harsh breath after she begins to come down, fingers still maddeningly tracing up and down her slick folds. “It’s better." 

She blinks her eyes open — her chest rising and falling as she pants— and gives him a questioning look.

“Better than any of the dreams,” he explains, placing a chaste kiss on her mouth.

________________

Rey tangles her hands in his hair, and he deepens the kiss — lazily and sensually mouthing at her lips. His thigh is soaked through with her juices, and his cock is heavy between his legs at the thought of his lips on her sex.

“Can I taste you?” slips out of his mouth, and he buries his face in her neck — arousal making his brain foggy and his tongue loose.

“I’ve never…” she trails off, breath hitching when he dips two fingers into her wetness again. God is she _tight._ “No one has ever done that to me before.” 

“Do you trust me?” Kylo curls his fingers up inside of her, finding that spot that made her shake with pleasure earlier.

“You know I do,” she huffs out breathlessly as she cants her hips. That is all he needed to hear, reluctantly sliding his fingers out of her wet heat to grab the quilt, laying it out on the plush rug adjacent to them in front of the fireplace.

“I want to see you, all of you,” he explains as he lifts her easily and lays her down, closer to the warm, crackling fire. She is...exquisite, flush spreading up her neck and dampness gathered at her brow, her tanned skin freckled and glowing, luminous this close to the hearth.

“Wait,” she says, placing a halting hand against his chest as he bends down to steal another kiss. “Take them off.”

He looks at her blankly.

“I want to see you too,” she explains, and _oh right, his pants are still on._ He pulls back to stand, towering above her as he ungracefully slides his boxers and sweatpants off at the same time, stepping out of them and kneeling back down to grab at her hips. He looks at Rey, only to find her eyes wide and zeroed in on his hard length. He glances down, resisting the urge to take himself in hand and alleviate some of that aching pressure when he sees how it juts out, red and straining, the tip leaking a little and reminding him just how turned on he is.

When he looks back up, her gaze is burning with pure, unadulterated lust and he considers begging Rey to let him take her right then and there, but he wants to drag this out for as long as she will let him — make her forget everything else until there is only him, until she screams his name.

Kylo’s breath catches when Rey’s eyes shift to meet his again, his heart beats a little louder in his ears as the depth of his feelings for her dawns on him — and with the intention to learn her, all of her — he brings his lips down to her mouth, devouring her with a deep and mind-numbing kiss. A groan tears from deep within his belly when his hardness brushes against the warm, bare skin of her torso, and he feels her stomach cave on her echoing sharp intake of air. He travels slowly down her body, licking and sucking faint marks into her skin along the way. Rey’s hands are gripping at his arms, his shoulders, scratching down his back and he wants to taste every inch of her, know each and every spot that causes her breath to hitch when he scrapes his teeth against her skin, or a whimper to escape her mouth when he laps at her with his tongue in _just_ the right way. It’s not long before she is _keening_ , begging him with her body as she arches her back, searching for friction.

He is... _painfully_ hard, cock weeping now with precome. 

“ _Please,”_ she practically moans out, and he wastes no time sliding completely down her body to spread her open, taking just a brief moment to examine her pretty pink folds before latching onto her clit, moving aside the hood with his tongue to push and pull her sensitive nub between his lips. She tastes like life itself and he finds his cock growing even harder if at all possible at the sounds she makes. With a lurch in his chest at a feeling that rises inside of him, something endearing and sweet that he can’t name — he brings his hands up to twine his fingers with hers, her legs hooking over his shoulders as he drinks her in. 

She’s watching him, he realizes, as he blinks his eyes open just as he swirls his tongue near her entrance. Her brow is furrowed, eyes glazed over when she pulls at his hands in order to grind her hips into his mouth. He obligingly strokes at her with the flat of his tongue, before staying her hips with a harsh suck to her clit. He hums in satisfaction when he tastes and feels her release dripping down his chin, realizing that he has made her come for a second time that night.

Determined, Kylo untangles his hands with hers, spreading one hand across her lower stomach and sliding two fingers into her slick heat with the other. He curves them, working at that spot deep inside of her fluttering walls until she is writhing beneath him. He brings his lips down between her legs again, his brain laser-focused on making her come for a third time. And she does. This time, he watches her closely, enraptured as her mouth opens and closes, her teeth clenching as a moan releases from her throat, her whole body seizing up and then going limp under his palm just as he feels her walls spasm around his fingers. He has never seen or felt anything so beautiful in his entire life, and he pulls back to look at her, her stare hazy and lips darkened pink and swollen — “ _Beautiful_.” He just has to tell her out loud because the way her pretty tits rise and fall as she catches her breath, the curve of her waist and bare hips, her legs bent and spread open to him — makes his brain short circuit and he wonders, not for the first time that night, what he could have possibly done to deserve this. Deserve _her_.

After a few moments of him deliberating internally whether or not he wants to make her come again with his mouth or with his fingers, _maybe he will lay on his back, place her legs on either side of his head and pull her down to ride his face_ —

His thoughts are interrupted when Rey suddenly lets out a whine— and his gaze immediately snaps to hers, searching and concerned.

“What is it?”

________________

Rey is desperate for him, _can’t he tell?_ She thinks as she tries to form words. “I — I _need_ you.”

He smiles, and her heart thumps in her chest. “I’m right here,” he says, and she thinks that maybe he doesn’t know how insanely wild he is driving her, making her come harder than she ever has, and more than _once_. Three fucking times. If he is not inside of her in the next minute she is going to _combust._

“Ben, please,” she pants out. “I want — _need_ you inside. Now.”

“Hold on—” he says, pulling away from her and _what? Where_ is he _going?_ Her eyes follow his massive form as he stands up and pads over to his bag at the kitchen table, pulling something out of it. She hears a tearing sound and wonders what he could _possibly_ be doing that is more important when he sheepishly appears in front of her again, holding up a foil packet before dropping down on top of her to shower her face with enthusiastic kisses. 

She laughs, genuinely when he rests his forehead against her sternum. But it stops short on a moan when he slides his fingers to her clit again, swirling once, twice before sinking two into her and _is he?_ He is. Ben is stretching her, gently adding a third thick finger.

“So fucking tight, baby,” he breathes out in a whisper against her collarbone. “I almost came in my pants earlier, at the thought of being buried inside of you.” Ben is much more vocal in _this_ than she expected him to be, and she _loves_ it, every word he says thrilling her and making warmth pool low in her belly. His thick fingers slide out of her, and Ben is sitting up on his knees and grabbing around for what she hopes to _God_ is the condom. 

Rey takes this time to look at him, running her fingers down his ribs, grabbing at his hips and grazing her fingers across his skin until she has him in her grip for the first time, her thumb and forefinger just barely touching around his girth. She swallows deeply and pumps him gently, wondering what he will feel like seated fully inside of her, if he will even be _able to fit_. Ben is… large all over and his dick is no exception, _thick_ , long and hard in her small hand. A whimper from him when she swipes her thumb over his tip shoots straight to her sex, and he watches her movements until he can’t anymore, moving her hands away to roll the condom on and position himself at her entrance.

His amazing hands grab for her waist, fingers splaying across her back as he effortlessly pulls her to him. Rey can see the hesitation in his longing gaze, and she moans, softly at the feel of him lined up at her slick entrance. 

“You’re so…” 

His voice trails off so she grabs his wrist and attempts to spread her legs even further apart, anticipating that sweet stretch, the _fullness_ of him. She wants this so bad, more than she has ever wanted it, more than she has ever wanted anything in her life. 

“You’re so _good,_ Rey,” he chokes out as he pushes — just the tip of his cock — inside of her. Her body tenses up at the intrusion, and she takes a deep breath, willing her tense muscles to relax, to —

“ _That’s_ it,” Ben praises her, wild eyes roving over her face. “So beautiful.” She stares up at him as he sinks a fraction further inside and it’s — she thinks maybe there’s no way he will fit, not all of him — when he brings a thumb down to rub at her raw bundle of nerves, and her walls clench down on him with a gasp, hips canting up and sliding further down his length as a result. 

His brow is furrowed, face serious and intense with concentration, as if he is working out how to win a case, or formulating a response to a portion of a research question, the way he is staring down at where they are joined. She takes a little more of him inside of her then, and his mouth drops open slightly — a look of pleasure and then strain washing over his features, and she realizes that he is going slow, holding back so as not to hurt her.

It does _hurt_ — but in the best, most glorious way possible. He is _splitting_ her open, and she can only imagine how it must look and feel to him, the thought alone causing more moisture to rush to her center.

She whimpers desperately, moving to wiggle her hips, but he stills them with his hands, leaning down over her to draw her in for a languorous kiss. It is when he dips his tongue into her mouth on a groan that he bottoms out inside of her, the tearing sensation causing her to jump a little before reaching up to hold onto his broad shoulders and wrap her legs around him. 

He keeps kissing her, softly, slowly. “So. Fucking. Good,” he practically moans out, running kisses down and back up her neck. “You feel so good, my sweet girl.” She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from crying out at the tight, tearing sensation of his hard heaviness filling her up, and the eroticism of it causes anticipation to stir in her belly, heat to spread across every inch of her skin. 

“I’ve wanted this — _you_ — for so long, Rey,” he is staring into her eyes now, seated fully inside of her, expression darkening when she experimentally clenches her pussy with him inside. “ _Fuck_.” 

He pulls out just halfway, holding her gaze as he gently thrusts back inside, before doing the same thing again and again until his thickness stops being uncomfortable, and if she didn’t need it before she _definitely_ needs it now — to feel the push and pull of him fucking into her tight channel until she sees stars.

Ben slides out of her — his tip hovering at her entrance — and pulls away to sit back up on his knees, and she watches as _he_ watches, gaze transfixed as he grabs her hips and sinks back into her, filling her up and making her vision white out when he hits spots deep within her that she didn’t know existed. 

They both moan, echoes of each other when he does it again, this time thrusting harder. “Look at you,” his deep voice says reverently from above her, filling her senses and making her eyes snap open.

Large hands wrap around her thighs then, pulling her legs up and together, causing his dick to feel even harder, _bigger_ inside of her when he thrusts again, bending her knees towards her chest and leaning down to meet her gaze as he thrusts again and again, impossibly deep, picking up his pace and making her _writhe_ , her cunt fluttering around him every time he hits _that_ spot, causing familiar, but this time achingly pleasurable pressure to build up in her abdomen.

Rey doesn’t want this to end ever, and she tells him so. “Don’t stop,” she practically begs as he hooks her legs over his shoulders for the second time that night, leaning down to rest his forehead against hers. The fire is still burning bright beside them, above them in the hearth — causing his hooded eyes to glow in the darkness, and when he thrusts a little harder her world narrows down to him — inside of her, above her, and now kissing her sensually, biting at her lips as his hand moves up her body to knead at her breast.

“ _Ben_ ,” she chokes out on a moan when he rolls his hips in a certain way, and he does it again and again. Panting and groaning against her mouth before burying his face in her neck, his stubble scraping at the skin there and it is so _good_ — the way he’s just snapped his hips into hers — that she _screams_ his name this time, and she thinks maybe that was his goal because he shifts one of her legs to the side in order to rub at her sensitive nub and she is so close to bursting — her chest heaving and her blood rushing in her ears at the raw pleasure that radiates from where they are joined. “Want to feel you come,” he grits out against her cheek, biting it gently and he is still thrusting inside of her and _it is_ — _she is_ — 

Rey _wails_ her release, her whole body clenching, narrowing in on his fingers on her clit and his thick cock deep inside her fluttering walls as she comes around him. He grunts, snapping his hips once, twice and then she actually _feels_ it — the pulse of his hard length as _he_ comes — shuddering and collapsing on top of her, burying his face in her neck.

Rey feels tears gathering at the corners of her eyes at the intensity of her orgasm and she blinks them away, breath stuttering in her chest as she feels the intense and twisting burn of her release tapering off into that boneless, languid satisfaction.   

“I didn’t think I was going to last,” he says, and his voice sounds so completely _wrecked_ that her breath catches at the newness of it, and she thinks she knows what he meant when he said he wanted to watch her come _undone_ , and why he made her come with such focused determination multiple times that night. She wants to hear his voice, sounding like _that_ , every day until it kills her.

Ben’s breathing deeply against the skin of her neck, catching his breath as he softens inside of her, eventually pulling out with a squeeze to the back of her thigh. He places a quick kiss on her shoulder before rising to take care of the condom. The quilt is damp and growing a little cold underneath her backside, but she doesn’t have much time to dwell on it because he lifts her in his arms, cradling her before setting her on the couch. 

She watches him, sated and glowing with how thoroughly he ravished her, as he takes care of their discarded mugs and puts out the fire. Ben turns towards her when he is finished, and he looks at her like she is something to devour and cherish, to conquer and admire — and she _knows_ , then and there that she will never be the same, that there is no going back from this.

The light from the fire has all but died as he walks towards her, his massive, naked form veiled in moonlight, illuminating his shadow and reminding Rey of a panther, or maybe a wolf. She protests when he lifts her again because she _can_ _walk_ but he just shushes her with kisses, carrying her up the stairs to the bedroom she had fallen asleep in earlier.

They part, only briefly when she uses the bathroom to relieve herself and wash up. She joins him in bed afterward, and when he pulls her into his strong embrace, stubble scraping pleasantly against her forehead and the heat of him a furnace against her skin, a feeling — tentative and affectionate, swells in her chest as she drifts to sleep, her body humming with it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys do after a nightmare? hot chocolate and chill?


	19. Domitae Naturae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love you guys ♥
> 
> thank you to [Katie](https://ben69solo.tumblr.com/) for beta'ing! be sure to read [Liaison](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259803/chapters/35395593) if you haven't yet, it's amazing.
> 
> big thank you to [perperuna93](http://perperuna93.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for [this gorgeous moodboard](http://perperuna93.tumblr.com/post/178889345222/moodboard-for-intentio-autem-discite-by), we love it so much we cried when we saw it! ♥

**Chapter** **XIX** **: Domitae Naturae**

_Domitae Naturae - Tame by Nature_

**Track:** Don’t Trust Myself - Robison 

Kylo blinks his eyes open to bright sunlight filling the room and Rey, her scent surrounding him and filling his senses, breathing evenly as she sleeps with her warm body tucked against his form. His head is buzzing pleasantly as flashes of the night prior flit across his waking mind. He runs a hand that had been resting on her waist up to splay his fingers across her back, shuddering with the memory of how hot she had felt beneath him, how sweet she had tasted under his tongue, and how she had taken him so well within her body.

Kylo will never forget the way she had looked when he had made her shatter around him, hazel eyes hooded and lit by the fire, back arched towards him and his name tumbling from her lips _over_ and _over_ — he wanted to drive her to that point as many times as she would allow him, for as long as she allowed him.

Rey makes a noise in her sleep, a soft whimper on an exhale of air that goes straight to his erection, and he pulls back to study her face at the sound of it. His breath catches and he smiles slightly when he finds her blissfully asleep, lips swollen from his kisses and freckles prominent in the sunlit glow filling the room. He brings a hand up to brush wild chestnut strands out of her face, placing a soft kiss against her lips. Quietly and gently, he disentangles himself from her to rise from the bed and make his way to the restroom down the hall so as not to wake her, knowing that she needs all the sleep she could get. 

Kylo had placed his packed bag in the main bathroom the night before; he pulls on a pair of boxers and splashes water on his face to wake himself up. He takes in his reflection, huffing out an amused breath when he sees that his lips are swollen too — probably from Rey’s teeth biting at them — and that she had left marks on him; one on the skin between his collarbone and shoulder, another on his chest, and when he turns he sees faint scratch marks that her blunt nails had dragged across his upper back. He considers for a moment, his dick heavy in his boxers, returning to the bedroom that she still sleeps in and rousing her with more kisses. 

He still can’t quite believe that someone as _good_ as her would let him be with her in that way, in _every_ way. It had been so perfect, how she had flushed under his praise, how she had _keened_ under his ministrations. He shudders anew, shaking himself out of the reverie, and quietly makes his way down the hall to the staircase. 

He will let her sleep, for now. 

_______________

 

Rey wakes up colder than she had been in some time, reaching for someone who had long since left the space next to her in bed. She sits up straight, heart immediately sinking in her chest, wondering where Ben could have gone. _Did she do something to make him want to keep his distance?_ She takes a deep and steadying breath, pulling the quilt up to cover her bare chest. She had been with two others in the past but had always left before there had even been a thought of sleep because she hadn’t _wanted_ to stay. Was that how it had been for him too? Did he not want to wake up with her? _Did he not want to stay?_  

Bringing her hand up to run it through her tangled hair she thinks back to how he had made her feel the night before, how every word he had spoken against her skin had made heat flood her body, had made her _ache_ for him.

 _Had she pushed him too far, too quickly?_ She had wanted him, wanted him with every bone in her body and it had been...incredible. He had made it _so good_ for her, teasing her with his thick fingers, making her come with his tongue, before _finally_ sinking inside of her. That fullness — that _stretch_ — the pure ecstasy that she had felt beneath him and in his strong and steady grip, was like nothing she had ever felt before. 

Rey shifts under the covers, aroused despite her misgivings about him leaving their bed. She is sore between her legs, but the ache is pleasant, reminding her of what she and Ben did the night before with every little move she makes. It is then that she hears a familiar, deep voice let out a muffled curse. She pulls herself out of bed, yanking on a too big t-shirt and following the smell of maple and bacon to the kitchen downstairs.

When Rey sees him — wearing only dark red boxers, moving about the kitchen that is incredibly bright in this light — she smiles and tamps down her thoughts from earlier. He hadn’t left; he had made her breakfast. 

“You know, I’m really good at making pancakes,” she says shyly, making her way towards him all while admiring the curve of his bum. He turns his head towards her, messy black hair falling around his face as he looks down at her. In a flash of movement, he has her waist gripped in his large, glorious hands, lifting her up to place her on the granite countertop of the kitchen island. She yelps in surprise, but it is swallowed up by his lips on hers.

“Good morning,” he breathes out against her cheek in between placing kisses all over her face. Her stomach flutters and she captures his lips with hers again, bringing her hands up to hold onto his shoulders. Pulling away, she can’t help but smile at the dazed, contented look on his face.

“Good morning to you too, Professor,” she says coyly. Ben immediately hangs his head and groans against her neck, dramatically resting his weight there for a moment before pulling back at the beeping of the oven.

“Stay right where you are,” he says firmly before turning to switch the oven off and pull a pan out. So _that’s_ where the smell of bacon was coming from. 

Rey lets out a little gasp when she sees what her nails did to his back the night prior. But she can’t think about it long because he turns abruptly towards her again, placing his arms on either side of her. He stares down at her for a few moments and she notices, with an ache in her chest at how gorgeous this man is, that his eyes, usually so dark, are hued golden with flecks of green in this light. He brings his full lips down to meet hers once more, and this time his kiss is drawn out and lazy, causing heat to unfurl low in her belly. 

“I didn’t want to get out of bed,” he mutters upon unlatching from her mouth. “You were sleeping so prettily though, and I know you’ve been so tired.” Her heart skips a beat. “I didn’t want to wake you.” 

She hums, feeling foolish once again for worrying so much. Ben obviously likes her, wants her in his space, wants to be here with her — _right?_ Her thoughts are answered when he trails a hand lightly up her thigh and under her shirt. He exhales, loudly, when he reaches where her underwear _should_ be, gripping her hip in his large hand. “ _Hmm,”_ rumbles from his chest as he traces his thumb across the skin beneath her navel. “I could keep you here forever.”

Rey huffs out a laugh at that, but his face remains serious for a moment as he studies her, gaze shifting only when her stomach growls— loudly. 

“Let’s eat,” he says, lips lifting at the corner into a slight smile. With his help, she slides off the counter and moves to assist him in setting the table. He had made enough food for four people: bacon, pancakes, eggs, and sliced fruit.   

“Coffee?” 

“Of course,” she answers from where she stands above the table, placing silverware on top of napkins next to each plate.

“Should have known,” he chuffs, opening the large fridge to pull out a stainless steel bowl. “I made this homemade whipped cream. It’s...amazing with coffee and the fruit.” 

“You really know how to eat,” Rey says appreciatively, and the dark look Ben levels at her makes her cheeks flame as she realizes the double meaning of her words. She clears her throat and takes the bowl from him, trying not to think about how he had worshipped her with that mouth of his the night before. Glancing over, she sees that the quilt is still there, laid out in front of the fireplace. She blushes harder.

Rey piles her plate with food in order to keep herself occupied. She can feel his eyes on her as he sits across from her, setting their mugs of coffee on the table and topping them with the whipped cream he had made. When he holds it out to her, she takes it in her hands and drinks, eyes shifting to meet his when she hums at the light and sweet taste. He’s staring at her lips, so she licks the cream off of them. He swallows visibly, and she smirks before cutting into her breakfast.

They eat in relatively comfortable silence, making idle comments about the taste of the food here and there. The maple syrup is _real_  — and tastes delicious with the pancakes. Rey eats ravenously; having been peckish for the past week, her notorious appetite seems to be back in full force.

“Wow, I’m relieved you like my cooking,” Ben says, and _God_ he is ridiculously cute, sitting across from her without his shirt on, hunched over yet still looking massive. “I’m also glad you’re feeling more like yourself.” 

It warms her, the fact that he had noticed her eating habits, despite the way that she had tried to keep her manners in his presence during her time as his research assistant. “You eat a lot too.” 

“Yeah, yeah. But I’m like, you know...” he sits up straighter as if to appear even bigger and she has to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “Anyways, I’m glad I made so much.”

“Me too,” she agrees, admiring how they had finished off the pancakes and bacon. They have fruit left, which she is currently dipping into the whipped cream he made. She brings a strawberry to her lips, eating it happily.

“Rey.” 

She looks up at the sound of his voice, having just popped her finger in her mouth to lick the leftover cream off. He looks — well — he looks like he wants to _consume_ her. Excitement stirs in her gut and feeling bold, she picks up another strawberry and dips it into the whipped cream, bringing it to her lips and lightly sucking on it before biting into it. 

“Rey.” 

Her gaze lifts to meet his again, and he shifts his jaw. “Come here.” 

She hesitates, innocently meeting his gaze as she dips her finger into the sweet cream and brings it to her lips, purposely licking it off with small swipes of her tongue. He groans and her core beats with arousal at the sound, at how _she_ is the reason for that look on his face.

Taking pity on him, she gets up and walks around the table to where he sits, laughing when he grabs her and places her in his lap, her legs dangling to one side and her breath catching when she feels how hard he is against the back of her thighs. He hums, eyes molten as they slowly trail over her face. She really doesn’t think she can blush any harder than she is now. 

His thick and sculpted arm reaches for another slice of fruit and he brings it to her lips already dipped in whipped cream. She takes it in her mouth, scrunching her eyes shut at the sour taste and because she doesn’t think her heart can take the way he is looking at her any longer. Then his lips are on hers, sucking the sweetness from them, tongue dipping into her mouth and swiping at her lips.

He pulls back and gives her _that look_ again before reaching for another piece of cream-laden fruit and bringing it to her lips. This time his fingers linger, and she takes one into her mouth with her tongue and sucks the whipped cream off. Now _he’s_ blushing, she realizes as she takes in the red tips of his ears and pink tint to his cheeks. Damp heat rushes between her legs when she meets his eyes, letting out an barely audible whimper and squirming a little in his lap. 

“You’re so sweet,” he says softly, holding her gaze. “Only for me.” Her stomach flip-flops and he pulls his fingers out of her mouth, reaching them down to trail up her inner thigh and _up —_ up further still to her breast, palming it. And _oh_ his hands, they make her feel hot — so hot — all over, his fingers reaching the curve of her shoulder as he massages her. He dips his head down for a kiss and she returns it eagerly, his lips preying upon her mouth like he wants to ruin her. She wants him to — so desperately it hurts. 

_______________

 

Rey grips his wrist that is fondling her breast and tugs at it, bringing it down to the soft patch of hair between her legs, and his control snaps — unlatching from her mouth and rising from the table, maneuvering her so that she is standing with her back to his front. He sinks his head down to whisper close to her ear, “Do you know how many times I’ve imagined bending you over my kitchen counter?”

She shudders on her exhale and pushes back against him, making him groan. “I want you to.”

“I thought you might,” his voice comes out gravely, strained. Last night he had wanted to drag this out, make her forget everything but him and how he made her feel. Now he feels greedy, this innate need to claim her — just as she is. He’s never felt this way about someone before, never wanted to be connected to someone like he does Rey. 

“ _Please_ ,” she begs, and he... _likes_ that, he realizes, absentmindedly tracing his fingers over hips and pushing her back against his tented boxers at the same time. His face feels hot and his breath is beginning to become ragged with his want of her, so he pushes her towards the counter, the pressure in his groin building even more at the whimper she gives when he bites the exposed skin of her shoulder softly, affectionately. Then, he is flush against her, mouthing at the side of her neck before trailing light kisses across the exposed skin of her loosely collared shirt. She shivers under his lips and pushes her hips back against him — palms flat against the countertop.

“What do you say, sweetheart?”

She fucking _whines_ — an excited thrill shooting straight to his straining cock at the sound of it. He reaches around, cupping her between her legs with one hand and pulling her shirt up to twist it into his grip with the other, bending her over the kitchen island. He can feel dampness on his fingers beneath her trimmed curls and despite the undulating of her hips into his hand, he does not allow himself to dip his fingers beneath the lips of her cunt to feel her slick folds — not yet.

Pulling back — he thrusts his hips against her backside, keeping his grip on her mound firm but still. “You know what I want, Rey.”

She stays quiet, so he puts pressure on where he holds her, leveraging her to rock into the slow grinding of his hips. Rey huffs, and then—“ _Please, Ben_.”

Kylo hums in approval. “Good girl.” Then he dips into her wetness, bringing his fingers up right where she needs him, rubbing at her furiously. Bending her into the counter and murmuring into her ear how deep he wants to be inside of her — when she positively soaks his hand, her cum dripping down onto the wooden floor between their legs.

He smiles, closed-lipped, at the sight, before bringing his gaze up to study what is before him. Rey, the side of her neck damp with sweat, hair wild and cheeks flushed as she pants against the countertop. She’s so perfect like this, he thinks. He could die happily just from looking at her. “I want to go down on you for hours,” he says, gripping her waist and grinding into her backside once more. “My tongue on your clit until you scream.”

Kylo sees her clench her jaw, “I can’t — I — _Ben_ — I want you —“ 

“ _Shh,_ ” he assures her, voice deep as he shifts his hips and brings a finger to her entrance. “I know what you need.” Then he pushes one finger inside of her, making sure to keep his eyes on the side of her face that isn’t pressed against the countertop. “How’s that, pretty girl?”

“More,” she pants out, and he gives her more, preparing her with three of his fingers. His entire body — his skin, his weeping cock — feels tight and on fire, and all he wants is to be buried inside of her. Then — his _sweet, perfect girl_ — she says it again. “ _Please_.”

He groans, yanking his boxers down and stroking himself. “If I knew you begged so well, I don’t think I would have been able to control myself around you all that time.”

Rey moans, thrusting her hips back against him. “I would have let you do anything you wanted, from the moment we first touched hands—“

“ _Oh,_ Rey,” he cuts her off, her words filling him with thick and heady desire.

He rubs his palm against her ass, squeezing the flesh there and lining himself up against her entrance.

“Fuck,” he curses, remembering a condom. “One minute, don’t move.” 

Kylo caresses her back, pausing for a moment before turning her towards him and lifting her over his shoulder, smiling a little at the yelp she gives, stepping out of his boxers fully and walking over to his bag to pull out a foil packet. Turning, he moves to put her down, exhaling loudly when she immediately situates herself against the counter, bending over for him. He takes a moment to admire the sight from where he stands— the curve of her waist beneath her pushed up t-shirt, her shapely ass, and her glistening pink folds, beckoning him. The thought of taking her makes his heart pound in his ears and blood to rush to his cock. 

In rapid movements, he has the condom rolled on and is lifting his hand to trail his fingers down the slope of her ass before dipping into her wetness one last time. She keens, arching her back into his hand and he suddenly can’t wait any longer. Lining himself up at her entrance, he looks to her face, all flushed and hot for him as he slides in slowly— just the tip. It is almost unbelievable, how good she feels, her slick walls parting for him as he enters her from this angle.

He keeps his eyes on her face, watching her pant. “Look at me, Rey,” he says breathily, a little more desperately than he means to sound. She lifts her head and turns to meet his gaze, her brow furrowed. It is at that moment that he feels her clamp down on him, her already incredibly tight cunt gripping the head of his cock even harder. 

Kylo bottoms out inside of her in one quick thrust, both he and Rey moaning at the sensation. She looks so thoroughly debauched — back arched over the countertop, hips lifted to join his, hair messy and mouth hanging slightly open as her hazel eyes bore into his. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion when he pulls his hips back to slide inside of her again, and when her brows furrow and she bites her lip, looking like sin itself, he bends over her body and captures her lips in a burning kiss before pulling back and lifting her hips, her toes just grazing the ground as he thrusts into her over and over.

“You take it so well,” he praises, panting as his eyes rove over her form. “I love your tight little cunt, making me feel so good.”

Rey cries out, hands scrambling to grab at _something_ as he hits a spot inside of her that has her walls fluttering around him. Kylo knows he won’t last, not when he has been thinking about taking her like this for so long, so he slides a hand between her legs to swirl the pads of his fingers around her sensitive nub, loving the way it makes her clench down on his cock. 

“Don’t stop, please,” she gasps, and he doesn't. With single-minded focus, he works at her determinedly all while thrusting deep, willing her body to come while he is buried inside of her — desperate to feel her walls spasm around him with her release.

When her cunt twitches around his hard length there is no hope for him and he leans over her, grabbing her hand and saying words he may not remember later — like _sunshine, tight_ and _kitten_ — driving into her all while working at her clit until they are both moaning out their shared release.

He collapses, resting his weight on top of her, leaving kisses against the side of her face and neck.

“I wish we could stay here,” he says breathlessly. “I never want this to end.”

Gripping the condom at the base of his softening length, he slides out of her, kissing her shoulder before moving to dispose of it. 

“I don’t want to leave either,” she says languidly in response, turning towards him. He moves to stand in front of her after pulling his boxers back on, tugging her shirt down and enveloping her in his embrace. “This holiday has been...eventful...to say the least. And it’s almost over. Do you still...”

Her voice trails off and he tightens his hold on her, the aftershocks of his orgasm making him want to burrow inside of the warmth she is emitting and make a home for himself there. Kylo thinks he knows what she wants to ask, so he answers her. “I’d like you to continue your RA position, but I’m putting my dissertation on hold until the trial is over.”

“Oh,” she says, sounding somewhat dejected. He can’t have that. 

“I hardly know anyone in the DA’s office,” Kylo starts, keeping his voice steady as he looks out at the snow covered forest through the windows. “I will need someone I can trust, who I work well with, to help me prepare. But I completely understand if you don’t have the time or if you already found something...”

Rey perks up at that and his stomach flutters a little when she looks at him with wide eyes, face still pink from how he just took her up against the counter. “You mean I’d get courtroom experience?”

He chuckles deeply, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes, you would.”

Rey chews her bottom lip, mulling over the proposition. “Let me think about it.” 

Kylo hums in response, earnestly wanting her acceptance. He understands her apprehension, but he can’t help but think about how she could have another job or internship, how things could go back to normal for her. _Maybe,_ he thinks, _she just doesn’t want to work with me any longer after all that she has been through._  

He takes a steadying breath and nods, trying to keep his disappointment from appearing across his face. She is here with him now, he assures himself. He can wait for her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! comments and kudos are life


	20. De Futuro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient with us in getting this next chapter up! It's been a crazy few weeks but we are back ♥ right now we have the remaining eleven chapters outlined (this is subject to change) and are aiming to go back to our old update schedule of every two weeks or so...thanks for sticking with us! 
> 
> Thank you to [Katie](https://twitter.com/ben69solo) for beta'ing! Read her [good shit here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heliocentrics/works). 
> 
> **Warning:** This is going to get slightly political with them taking Snoke to trial for illegal weapons manufacturing/dealing and there is mention (although brief in this chapter) of mass shootings. So do avoid reading if that is something that will upset you or that you are not interested in.

**Chapter** **XX** **: De Futuro**

_De Futuro – Concerning the Future_

**Track:** Fireworks - First Aid Kit

 

 

Kylo doesn’t think he has ever been sure of anything in his life— until now, until Rey.

 

They’re sitting across from one another, something they have done countless times, but right now, he can’t stop himself from stealing glances at her, his eyes lingering on the slight upturn of her cupid’s bow, the freckles scattered across her Arizona sun-kissed skin, her downturned eyelashes as she highlights a passage in her textbook.

 

Something squeezes inside his chest and he inhales sharply, shifting his focus back to the case file in front of him. Tomorrow will be the last day he has her here at his family home upstate. It has been...nothing short of _amazing_ , being here with her, learning her body and what makes her feel good; cherishing those glimpses into her brilliant mind with each quiet conversation or playfully charged argument.

 

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow.” He might sound needy, but he can’t help it; words have started to come more easily for him with her.

 

She rewards him with an answering smile, and her foot touches his calf under the table when she speaks. “Focus, Professor.”

 

He catches her foot in his grip when she trails it up to his knee, giving it a light tug. The sound of her laughter, bright and easy, never fails to melt something inside of him. What would the _New York Times_ editorial writers say about him if they could see him now? _Ruthless, former First Order Attorney turned Professor turned Prosecutor made soft by 22-year-old Law Student._

 

That morning, he had woken up with her hair in his face, her long limbs sprawled across his body, and had realized with calm clarity that he could get used to this. Him— ice cold, merciless, callous and absolutely _smitten_ over this girl.

 

He had roused her gently with lingering kisses to her sleepy lips, the glow of the morning sun filtering through the window, casting them both in a warm, golden glow. They had showered together, which had been a first for Ben. It had felt right, washing her hair and soaping up her body with his hands, transfixed at the way the suds and water cascaded over the peaks of her breasts and down the flat planes of her stomach. He had held her under the hot spray probably longer than necessary, but it had been the _definition_ of bliss, having her in his arms. These were the first few hours they had spent actually getting some work done since that first incredible night they spent together. From then on it was like he couldn’t get enough of her; he should have known, really, that once he had her that it would become this insatiable need inside of him.

 

“Let me finish this essay for Professor Mitaka and then I’m all yours,” she says cheekily, drawing him back to the present. Acquiescing, he reluctantly drops her foot, cursing _Mitaka_ under his breath— decidedly ignoring the way his heart skips a beat at the way she refers to herself as _his_.

 

_______________

 

They go hiking while the bright winter sun is beginning to fade into the hot pinks and fire oranges of late afternoon. Rey is staring, but she’s no longer shy about it. Looking up at him every chance she gets just to make sure he is still there, that this isn’t some dream she had constructed in her mind. _It would be alright though, wouldn't it? Living like this._

 

“I’ve been thinking,” she swallows deeply, looking out at the frozen lake that they had come upon, getting ahold of her thoughts, “I’d like to know more about the case you’re building against Snoke.”

 

“What do you want to know?” Ben asks, his tone easy and expression hardly hiding his eagerness. She knows he wants her to continue working for him, but this Snoke character has made her life hell, and she needs to have all of the facts straight before making a decision. It’s the least she can do for herself, despite the fact that she desperately wants to see the bastard go down for everything he’s done to not just her, but to Ben too.

 

“Tell me everything,” she says, and there is a moment’s pause. Rey can see the trepidation on his face— probably some attorney-client privilege nonsense that had been ingrained in him since law school. “It’s just us now. You can trust me not to say anything even if I decide not to work with you any longer.”

 

Ben’s eyes are liquid, reminding her of the honey she likes with her tea when they land on her again. He starts, “the DA’s strategy thus far has been to prosecute Snoke for illegal weapons dealing.” His tone is immediately all business, his brow set and gaze hardening, “do you remember that shooting on the Brooklyn Bridge last year?”

 

“Yes, how could I forget? It was all over the news.” It had made Rey sick to watch, the gun control laws in this country something that frustrated her to no end. “Rose and Paige even went to protest in Washington last month in response to it.”

 

He nods before continuing. “The NYPD was able to identify the weapons used as First Order manufactured, but they weren’t sold legally. The serial numbers filed off.”

 

Rey shrinks, deflated, as she recalls the outcome of every prior case involving Snoke. “I read the old case files; whenever he was taken to court, you always found a way to get him acquitted,” she says, trying to keep her voice even. It was difficult for her to get over the fact that he had defended the man for so long. His explanation in the ice cream shop had made her understand him a little more, but still— _all those innocent people._

 

“The difference this time is that this occurred on U.S. soil and to U.S. citizens. Our courts are more powerful when we aren’t dealing with foreign countries,” he explains. “Before, it was always Snoke selling to foreign governments. However short-sighted juries can be, they can’t ignore the consequences this time.”

 

“Hasn’t the International Criminal Court summoned him multiple times?” she asks, growing frustrated at the fact that this man isn’t behind bars yet.

 

“Yes, but Corporate Criminal Accountability is something the ICC is in its infancy with, they have to be able to prove responsibility for the war crime committed— but typically what happens is a ban from selling in said country and a fine,” he says, a look of resigned disgust on his face. “There have been cases in Europe that have been relatively successful when brought to the ICC, but State law supersedes international law almost every time, especially when it comes to American corporations. Not to mention that the United States’ does not even recognize international organizations simply on principle. Snoke must have gotten desperate after those last few cases I threw— or cocky, who knows? But this is the one chance to get him, to make him pay.”

 

Rey takes in the rigid set of his shoulders and the menacing furrow of his brow and it dawns on her that he sees this as highly personal— either as his own revenge or a way to make things right, she isn’t sure. “If he’s really as influential as you say, how will this be any different? The gun lobby in this country—”

 

“I know, I’ve discussed this at length with my mother.” He runs a hand through his hair; his exhale forming a cloud of vapor in front of him. “This case would be groundbreaking, no weapons manufacturer has ever taken a hit for a mass shooting before, let alone a CEO. Which is fucked up, because isn’t that where these things start?”

 

It all suddenly seems so daunting, and her heart aches for his battle, for the redemption she can see he so clearly wants. “How do you prove that these were illegally dealt weapons?”

 

“I know someone willing to talk, someone on the inside. We are waiting for approval from the Feds to grant him immunity and after the trial, entrance into the witness protection program.”

 

“What’s in it for him if he talks?”

 

“It’s more of a wanting to get out of dodge type situation,” he explains, wincing. “He got spooked after the shooting in Brooklyn, knew this time it was different, and wants out.”

 

“Letting one criminal off to catch another, then?” Rey tries to keep the animosity out of her tone, but fails.

 

“You have to understand what Snoke is like, Rey,” he implores, which causes her hackles to raise, anger pushing her heart into her throat.

 

“I _obviously_ understand at least a little bit, don’t I?” Her tone is scathing, and her glare traces the way his mouth shifts into a grimace. “The photos, Ben. The stalking. Breaking into _my_ house and dumping _fucking_ blood all over my bathroom?”

 

“Still, you have no idea what it’s like on the inside,” he has the nerve to lecture her, heightening her anger even more, “it’s so hard to get out, and even when you’re out, he doesn’t _let you go_. It’s madness.” He is practically begging her to understand, to remember she isn’t the only victim here.

 

All at once her anger leaves her, leaving a sting in its place, as she remembers the blackmail and the manipulation he had suffered while Snoke kept him under his thumb.

 

“I guess it wasn’t all for nothing then,” she says, tone measurably softer, “the photos...everything.” She crosses her arms, peeking up at him through her lashes. “It seems to have made you see clearly, it’s given you a reason to fight your way out of this.”

 

 “I…” he visibly swallows, eyes shifting and facing away from her, searching for something Rey cannot see. “Thank you...not just for helping me to see clearly, but for everything. You have no idea...” he pauses, his hand coming up to rub at the stubble on his chin before releasing a long, steady breath. “I had been complacent for too long even before the photos; when I think about how much damage the First Order has done…” his voice wavers a little and she understands then, that this _is_ about redemption for him. There is no question about it in her mind.

 

Rey holds out her hand in the space between them and when he immediately takes it in his own— her resolve cements firmly in place. This may be about redemption for him, but for her... it’s something else, something vengeful and violent. Unapologetic.

 

“Do you remember that day in your classroom when I attended for Rose, the question you asked me?”

 

That brings a tentative smile to his face, his expression loosening. “I asked you what justice is and what it should be,” he recalls, squeezing her hand.

 

“Do you remember my answer?”

 

“How could I forget? You were so impressive that morning,” he responds, fondness clouding his features. “You said that the difference between what justice is and what it should be is who it serves. That justice in today’s world serves the interest of the elite, while true justice is the access of rights, privileges, and opportunities to everyone.”

 

Affection for him swells inside of her at how he remembers her answer. “Do you think there is a chance— for all of those lives that Snoke has destroyed— do you think there is a chance to bring true justice? For them?” _And you. And me. For all of the wasted time._

 

His eyes flash amber in the light of the sunset. “I don’t know, but I have to try, and this is the only way I know how.”

 

“I’ll help you,” she says, decision final. Whatever it takes, she will be there with him every step of the way. “Come on,” she says, pulling him along behind her, “let’s go get warm.”

 

_______________

 

It’s their last night together, and Rey tamps down the anxiety that rises up in her throat at the thought of going back to Manhattan— the focus of their remaining time should be enjoying each other, especially after their tense conversation out by the lake.

 

For the past twenty minutes, she has been quietly focused on lighting a fire in the hearth—Ben had done it each time throughout their long weekend, insisting that she get some rest whenever she offered to help do _anything_ at all. He has made good on his promise to take care of her, but she is feeling a hundred percent better, at least physically, after the whole bloody bathroom mirror, fainting from exhaustion and shock debacle. Plus, sleeping in Ben’s arms the past few nights has granted her the best sleep she has gotten in her entire life. He makes her feel safe, and so incredibly _good—_ but part of her can sense that he is holding himself back, and she wants nothing more than for him to give her _everything_ he has.

 

They have been having sex, lots of sex— intense, sweet, and mind-blowing sex. Having it regularly with the same partner is entirely new to her, only having had one-offs in the past, and _fuck_ if her curiosity about the _possibilities_ hadn’t been piqued before they had done it that first time...it was something entirely uncontrollable now.

 

Maybe she’s become greedy, but still— she can’t help but _want_. She has seen glimpses of it, the potential that he’s holding back, his eyes flashing dangerously when her hand drifted close to his throat as she rode him the morning before, grinding down rhythmically on the rigid length of his cock and holding his gaze. The way his hands linger on her ass when he pleasures her with his mouth, his thumb barely brushing against her  _there_. And God— the things he says during the act are enough to make her blush just thinking about them.

 

“Finally!” she exclaims, face flushed from her wandering, slightly depraved thoughts. The fire is now roaring pleasantly, crackling and emitting what has become a comfortingly familiar warmth. Ben is currently in the kitchen preparing dinner, the aroma of chili wafting into the living room.

 

It’s a pretty picture, walking in and seeing him cooking— the domesticity of it all gives Rey a sense of comforting security. He looks so big, wearing a fitted cream-colored sweater and slightly hunching over the kitchen island to survey one of his mom’s recipe books he had dug out of one of the cabinets.

 

“When I was younger, my mom would make this recipe every time we visited here in the winter. I think you’ll love it,” Ben tells her.

 

She sits on a stool at the island opposite from Ben and props her chin on her hand, humming in agreement and smiling to herself. Hearing him talk about his childhood causes her to imagine a much younger Ben, playing in the snow with his dad, practically swimming in a too-large parka. Or a quiet pre-teen Ben, who was probably a bit lanky and awkward, sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace with his nose in a book. She looks at him now as he runs a hand through his thick hair, his expression relaxed.

 

Her heart begins to ache as she realizes she’s never had this, what he has had. She never learned to cook from her mother, never had a father to teach her how to drive. Suddenly, Rey is missing parents she has never known.

 

She feels the weight of Ben’s hands on her shoulders as his lips place a kiss on her scalp. She was so lost in her thoughts, she had not realized that he had walked around and behind her. He begins to massage her shoulders gently.

 

“What’s bothering you?” His voice is a quiet rumble against her back.

 

Knowing her expression must be giving her away, she prepares herself mentally for the vulnerable feeling she hates and tells him the truth: “I’m scared.” _Scared to leave here, scared to go back to my house, to school. Scared to go to trial, scared of Snoke and his lackeys. Scared that I have fallen too hard for you._

 

Ben only hums in response, continuing his shoulder massage up to her neck. She relaxes into him, leaning back and taking in the warmth and solidity of him, craning her neck backward to look at him. He looks like an angel, like this—his face backlit by the lighting of the kitchen, his hair falling around his face like a halo. His expression is soft—knowing, even. It hits her like a ton of bricks— the fact that this man _knows_ her, through and through, and that scares her even more. His fingers are now carding through her hair as they hold each other’s gaze, only for his thumb to come up and wipe away a tear that she didn’t realize had fallen.

 

He bends over and places the softest kiss on her cheek, a miracle.

 

“Dinner can wait for now,” he says as he pulls away from her. Rey has to hold in a whimper at the loss of contact. He covers the pot and turns off the burner, and he’s right back, scooping her up into a bridal carry.

 

Rey can’t help but think it’s a little ridiculous— how he’s carrying her. She can’t complain, though, as it gives her unprecedented access to his beautiful neck as he carries her up the stairs and into the bedroom they share. Normally it’s difficult for her to reach due to their height difference, but now she’s able to play connect-the-dots, placing kisses to each beauty mark as she makes her way to his lips.

 

He places her on the bed, returning her kiss delicately, the warmth of it causing her to relax into the flannel quilt; the length of his body exquisitely pressed against hers. He pulls back for a moment to look down at her and her heart swells, catching in her throat, just thinking and looking at this man who has come to mean so much to her— so much that she hardly knows what to call it, or what to do with herself. Rey lifts her arm to run the pad of her thumb over his cheekbone, to push a lock of wavy hair out of his eyes and to tug gently at his earlobe, which shifts his stoic expression into a barely there smile.

 

“I figured this might make you feel better— it seems to have been what you’ve needed from the beginning,” he says, voice low, never failing to _do_ things to her. When he sinks his head down to mouth at her neck, his breath ghosts over the shell of her ear along the way, and the sensation shoots straight to her sex, causing her to squirm beneath him.

 

“We could have been doing this a lot sooner,” she complains breathlessly, remembering how many times she had wanted him, and how early on it was that she realized she would let him do whatever he wanted to her.

 

“Yeah?” He is hovering over her again, expression intent with unabashed interest. “How much sooner?”

 

Heat spreads across the surface of her skin at the implications of his question, her heart pounding and cunt throbbing. Taking a deep breath, she holds his gaze and answers: “when you came into the bookstore, that first time when I told you my name...” She darts her eyes away, pausing for a moment to gather her courage. “I spent the entire class period completely drenched at the thought of us together,” she pauses when she hears him groan, his forehead dropping down to rest against hers. “I considered getting myself off in the bathroom, but the thought of what you would do to me had me so worked up that I wanted to make it good for myself, so I—” she cuts off on a whimper when he thrusts his hips against her, his erection prominent pushed up against her mons.

 

“Show me.”

 

“What?” All the air seems to have suddenly rushed out of her lungs. He is grinding against her steadily now, each drag of his hips causing pleasure to build in her abdomen.

 

“Show me what you did,” he breathes fervently against her lips when he bends down to catch them in a barely there kiss. “Show me how you touch yourself, Rey.”

 

Her face flames as a heady mixture of arousal and anticipation stirs low in her gut at the prospect of him watching her do _that_. It’s something she hadn’t thought about, but the idea _excites_ and _terrifies_ her in the most exquisite way, so she nods in response, not trusting her voice to speak.

 

“That’s my good girl,” he praises, pulling back and gripping her over her leggings much too briefly before getting up and off the bed. There is a chair about three feet away, pushed up against the wall, and he sits down on it. Rey leans back on her elbows to get a better look at him. There are two low lit lamps in the room, one on the bedside table and one close to where he sits, relaxed back into the chair, long legs spread out in front of him. His posture is languid, but his eyes tell an entirely different story, the look of them absolutely predatory as he waits for her to _show_ him.

 

There is something incredibly intimate about this moment, and oddly— it gives her the courage to let herself feel vulnerable. After all, Ben would take care of her.

 

It almost feels like a dream, how her blood pulses in her veins when she strips down to her panties in front of him— leaving her socks on and situating herself on her back on the bed. Rey watches as his mouth falls open slightly when she runs her fingers down to trace her slit through the baby pink fabric of her panties, the cotton no doubt stained a darker shade of pink due to the consistent ache in her cunt. She’s almost disappointed when she has to face away from him to get on all fours, dipping her hand into her underwear to feel the wetness that has gathered at her entrance. She must look a sight, ass in the air, back arched as she swirls the pads of her fingers lightly over her clit.

 

Rey can’t see him, nor can she hear him but she is having fun guessing what he must be thinking as he watches her tease herself. When she slides her fingers to her entrance she hears him inhale sharply and her curiosity becomes too much so she flips onto her back. There is fire in his gaze, and when she glances down she can see the outline of his erection along his inner thigh. Watching his face, she slips her hand back down beneath her underwear. “I like to tease myself, but I hardly needed it that day— I had been wet for what felt like hours.” It had taken her an entire minute to convince herself to say this, not having much experience with any of this.

 

“What were you thinking about?” His voice is low but she can sense a trace of desperation in it, and it sends a thrill through her— that she is able to bring him to this point; her previous hesitation replaced with absolute need.

 

“You, eating me out from behind, filling me up with your fingers, making me come so hard that I—,” she cuts off on a whimper, closing her eyes briefly when she rubs her clit in just the right way. When she opens them again he is gripping the arms of the chair.

 

“You what?”

 

“That I make a mess of the sheets,” she finishes her thought, pulling her panties down her legs in order to have better access to her clit, rewarded by his answering groan. Her fingers are familiar, but they aren’t quite _his_ and it’s making her impatient at the fact that he is all the way across the room and not inside of her, where he _should_ be. It clicks in her head then, this little game of theirs— she has to make him break if she wants him to touch her.

 

He draws his lower lip between his teeth when she spreads her legs wider for him, dipping one and then two fingers into her wet heat, giving little thrusts of her hips on the bed. She swears she hears his breathing pick up— and both determined and incredibly turned on, she flips over on all fours again, bringing a pillow underneath her hips so that her ass and cunt are propped up and facing him. She hears him curse, and then the metallic drag of his zipper as he undoubtedly sets his erection free from the confines of his jeans and boxers. Rey presses the heel of her palm against her clit and grinds her hips down onto it, the pillow adding delicious pressure and friction to the act.

 

Twisting her neck, she looks back at him to see that he has a white-knuckle grip on the arms of the chair, his gaze transfixed on her now dripping sex. When Rey sees that his cock is flushed red and straining between his legs— it’s suddenly too much, she won’t be able to make herself come like this when he is _right there_.

 

“I thought— so many times,” she pants out, desperately working at herself, “about what it would be like, what you would feel like,” she whimpers, her hips thrusting against her hand and the pillow in earnest.

 

“Fucking _Christ_ , Rey,” he groans, still in the damn chair.

 

Thinking is difficult in her current state, but she is so delighted at his profanity, at finally getting a vocal reaction from him that she rises up on her knees again, the pads of her fingers rubbing at her sensitive bundle of nerves desperately.

 

“Ben,” she whines, eyes watering as she is suddenly overcome, right at the edge but unable to give into bliss— not when she knows what he can give her, not when he is sitting _so close_.

 

“I know,” she hears him remark— and suddenly, amazingly— he is much closer, hands on her waist and flipping her over, the pillow still propping her hips up towards him. He must have grabbed a condom at some point because she has enough time to see that it is rolled on before he sinks into her and all coherent thought ceases.

 

They both moan when he bottoms out inside of her, and he reaches back to tear his sweater over his head— his eyes wild and desperate above her when they meet hers again. Rey is already so close, but he still hasn’t moved, so she undulates her hips, his rigid cock still sheathed deep inside of her and causing her eyes to roll back in pleasure as it hits all of her spots.

 

Ben growls, his fingers squeezing into her waist as he lifts her to meet the hard snap of his hips, making her cry out.

 

“ _Finally_ , Ben. Holy shit… I couldn’t…it wasn’t…” He is hitting that spot inside of her with a forcefulness that has her teeth knocking together— speaking suddenly becoming impossible as her walls clench down and around him.

 

“I know,” he repeats, the weight of his body suddenly on top of her, kissing her, his tongue hot and demanding as he somehow drives himself even deeper into her, before pulling out and flipping her onto her stomach, wasting no time in entering her again. 

 

The angle of her hips combined with the pounding of his cock is nothing short of devastating, and she comes with a scream into the blankets. For a moment, she thinks she might pass out from the pleasure of it, her vision swimming and entire body shaking as he continues to fuck her into the mattress— his hips stuttering as he orgasms with her.

 

He collapses against her and Rey lets him, absolutely loving the delicious feeling of his bare, sweat-dampened skin against her own, his cock softening but still buried in the heat of her.

 

“Holy fuck,” he says, panting and laughing against her neck. “That was—“

 

“Incredible,” she finishes for him, wiggling her hips a little and smiling widely through her own panting. He pulls out, the sound of it a little obscene due to how wet she still is.

 

“Did you come just from—”

 

“Yes, I didn’t know I could either.” Rey is still catching her breath when he yanks her against him, tucking her into his tight embrace.

 

“I’m going to make you do that again.” He sounds both amazed and incredibly pleased with himself, making Rey huff out a laugh— looking forward to it.

 

Her stomach chooses that moment to growl, and he scoops her up without a word, setting her down on the hardwood floor and tugging his discarded sweater on over her head.

 

“Go pee,” he says, lightly squeezing and then tapping her ass, dropping a kiss to her cheek before she reluctantly moves away from him.

 

After she has relieved herself, taking a moment to study her flushed cheeks and glossy eyes in the mirror, he meets her at the top of the stairs in just his boxers.

 

“Feeling better?” He asks, concern clouding his features. She’s confused for a moment, before remembering what had caused him to take her upstairs in the first place.

 

“A hundred times better,” she reassures him, the longing and loneliness she felt completely sated by how _present_ he had made her feel.

 

Rey has spent her entire life dwelling on the past, on what she can never have. It hits her suddenly, that she has more in life to look forward to than to long for— and she resolves to do just that. To let go of the past, enjoy the present, and anticipate what lies ahead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos literally feed us uwu ♥


	21. Animus Nocendi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [Katie](http://twitter.com/ben69solo) for beta'ing this like the queen you are.

**Chapter XXI: Animus Nocendi**

_Animus Nocendi: Intention to Harm_

**Track:** Monster (feat. Jamie Lidell) - Big Data 

“Rose, I’m going to tell you something that you _cannot_ repeat to anyone, please.”

 

Rey and Rose are currently in a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop just a few blocks away from campus. They're tucked away in the back corner, against an exposed brick wall adjacent to one covered in an abstract, colorful mural.

 

Rose takes a sip of her iced americano—how she drinks an iced coffee when it’s below freezing outside is beyond Rey—and leans a little closer to her over their table. “What’s wrong?” she asks, and when Rey doesn't respond for a beat, she sits up straighter in her chair as if coming to a realization. “You’re kidding.”

 

“I haven’t even said anything y—”

 

“You _didn’t_ , oh my God. Rey,” she leans closer, a conspiratorial look on her face, “did you finally do it?” Rey blushes in response, feeling heat move across her cheeks to her ears. “You _totally_ did, oh my God. Rey,” Rose repeats, undoubtedly noticing the flushed state of her skin. “How was it?”

 

Rey smiles and laughs a bit, the original nerves at bringing this up falling away. “So good; you have no idea.” She covers her smile with her hands. “Sometimes I think that this is all fake, a simulation or something, because it’s like… too good to be true.”

 

Rose does a little dance in her chair, beaming ear to ear. “And he’s…?” she pauses to ask, giving Rey a suggestive look.

 

“Magnums,” she confirms, voice barely above a whisper—doubting that any of the other customers are really interested in the size of her mystery man’s dick.

 

“I fucking _knew—_ okay.” She takes a deep breath, fanning herself dramatically before her expression turns serious. “I’m so psyched for you Rey. If anyone deserves to be happy right now, it’s you.”

 

Rey’s answering smile is shaky, and for the millionth time she is thankful that Rose is in her life. “Thanks,” she says sheepishly. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

 

It had been a few weeks since they had been back from Thanksgiving break, but they had both been so incredibly busy preparing for finals and working that they hadn’t had the chance to sit down and _really_ talk. “It’s been a crazy few weeks, don’t apologize,” Rose says sincerely. “Your _professor_ has been noticeably less,” she trails off, as if searching for the right word, “... _irritable_ in class, didn’t even mock this one kid who always has the most ridiculous questions about the reading—not going to lie, even I wanted to throw something at him this time. So I had my suspicions...”

 

“Suspicions confirmed. How do you feel?”

 

“I feel unstoppable,” she grins at Rey, her smile tumbling into laughter that is contagious. It’s almost as if a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and she breathes a sigh of relief at finally telling her friend how she and Ben had taken things... _further_. “So are you two like, dating?”

 

Rey opens her mouth to answer in the affirmative, but stops, realizing that Ben hadn’t actually asked her out, “it hasn’t really...come up.”

 

“What do you guys even talk about? I bet he’s so deep. Like, does he recite poetry to you and shit?” Rey thinks back to the text she had woken up to that morning, _I want to kiss your butterfly lips goodnight and run my fingers through your hair until you dream._ It had been in response to the _goodnight_ with the sparkle emoji she had sent him before passing out next to Finn (she still couldn’t sleep alone).

 

“He’s good with his words,” she says nonchalantly.

 

Rose looks so pleased with herself. “Magnums, wow…” She shakes her head. “Have you thought about...It’s _so much better_ without—” she gestures rather lewdly with her hands, causing Rey to blush again.

 

“I actually did…I had an appointment yesterday.” It had been very simple, and she now had a tiny implant in her arm.

 

“Does he know?”

 

Ben had never brought it up during their time at the house, or during their time working together...or during their stolen moments in his apartment before crashing from exhaustion only _after_ he made her forget everything but him, leaving her to think that he would never bring it up. But she did catch him staring longingly, transfixed on where she had been sliding the lips of her cunt along the length of his bare cock as she straddled him, his hands gripping her hips and urging her movements. That had been what had caused her to make the appointment, that look of fascination and wonder on his face when he had _almost_ slipped in. Plus, she was curious too. “He doesn’t, not yet.”

 

“Well, I’ll be looking forward to an easy remainder of the semester, as I suspect one professor will be in a _very good_ mood shortly.”

 

**. . .**

 

His office looks almost exactly as she thought it would—dark wood desk in the middle of the room, the top empty save for his desktop computer and the papers he is currently grading. There are books lining the shelves behind him, their spines wide, likely filled with the volumes of past codified laws or decisions passed down by the Supreme Court. There is one window, and with the December sun having set several hours ago, the only light coming through is from a wrought iron lamp post. It stands tall, illuminating the salt covered sidewalks, the previously white snow that had fallen that morning turning brown with slush and mud as students make their way to and from their final exams. It isn’t a necessarily large office, or maybe it is, and the sheer size of him makes the room feel like it is shrinking.

 

Ben doesn’t have his jacket on even though it is absolutely _frigid_ (by her standards) in this building, the white button up he is wearing is rolled up to his elbows and glasses making him look like the Professor he is, yet somehow younger at the same time. The way he focuses on the papers before him is so enrapturing—her gaze lingering on his hands, how they dwarf the red pen he is using to no doubt tear some poor fellow law student’s case study apart, before her eyes shift back up to study the tempting pout of his lips. She feels the sudden, increasingly familiar urge to hold his face in her hands and kiss him until he gives her one of the smiles she has come to learn are reserved solely for her.

 

Rey doesn’t know why this is the first time that she is visiting Ben here, but regardless, she is here now, rapping her knuckles on the open door just light enough to get his attention. When he looks up at her, her breath catches in her throat at the way his expression softens.

 

He clears his throat. “Rey, I wasn’t expecting you,” He extends a hand towards an empty chair opposite him. “Take a seat, and close the door, please.”

 

It brings a small smile to her face, the professionality of how he speaks to her in public, like she has a big secret—because she does. It’s almost a game now, who can win at being perfectly professional in public. It hadn’t been something she had given that much thought to, the fact that what they are doing is probably—no, _definitely_ frowned upon by the higher ups at her university—because to her Ben is...well, _Ben_. The man who makes her feel things she never knew she could, who makes her laugh with his dry humor and relentless wit, who matches her conviction and her strength effortlessly; who has become one of the most important people in her life, if not the most important.

 

She misses him. Which might be why she felt the need to visit him here in his office. They haven’t spent as much time together recently; finals week had descended upon them once they had arrived back to the city in what felt like no time at all, and Rey doesn’t remember the last time she’s had a full eight hours of sleep—even now, she can’t sleep alone. Rose and Finn understand, thankfully, and there have been plenty of nights where they stay up and watch _Miss Congeniality_ or _Sex in the City_ together and end up sharing the bed for the night. She would be lying if she said that she isn’t haunted by what happened, and it will likely be a long time, at least until the end of the trial, until she can sleep easily again.

 

Rey moves to sit, the chair more comfortable than she was expecting.

 

“What’s up?” he asks her, more casual now that the door is closed, genuine interest in his tone.

 

“I just…wanted to stop by. Needed a break from torts and remedies.”

 

“I see. And the house? Is everyone settling in okay?” His eyes are boring holes through her, and she wants to tell the truth— _yes, the house is fine. I, on the other hand, am not. I’m not horrible but I’m not sure the padlocks, security cameras and the PIN controlled door handle are enough to make me feel safe_ —but she doesn't. He has his own things to deal with, and she doesn't want this to control her anymore. She remembers the new knife she has in her bag—“tactical knife”, it was called by the outdoorsman helping her in the store. It folds out of the handle, and it isn’t too big, just large enough to give her a greater sense of security.

 

“Yeah,” she responds with a sigh, “everything is fine.”

 

Standing, he walks around his desk, stopping only to pull the blinds securely shut before sitting on the edge of the dark wood and looking down at her. After a few moments, he reaches out and takes her hand into his, massaging it gently. It’s so simple, really, but the contact and the movements give her a sense of security. The stress from finals week and her newly secured house feels far away. When he tugs her closer to kiss the back of her hand, Rey’s stomach flutters, and she gives him a soft smile when he kisses her palm.

 

“Blue book exam?” he questions, eyes alight with amusement, continuing his soothing hand rub.

 

“Ugh, you don’t even _know,”_ she groans, languishing in the relief his ministrations are giving her aching fingers. Ben shifts her hand in his, revealing where the pencil marks have stained the entire side of her pinky down to her wrist. “The bell curve has _nothing_ on me.”

 

“I don’t doubt it,” he mutters, wincing sympathetically. She proceeds to gripe about the seven essay questions she had just slaved over for two and a half hours in the lecture hall one building over, and she loves how he just… lets her complain. She’s always loved that about him.

 

“Enough about _that_ , how are you holding up?”

 

“I miss you,” Ben responds, prompting her heart to beat quicker. Tugging her hand, he pulls her up to stand between his legs so he can drop a kiss on her cheek and nuzzle her neck. Rey hums, gripping his shirt and breathing in the familiar, comforting scent of him. “When are you done?”

 

“Friday,” she breathes out, inhaling sharply when he nips lightly at the sensitive skin of her neck and growls a curse into her hair. He knows her flight leaves that next morning to go home to Arizona for the entirety of winter break; she had texted him her plans earlier that week. “It’s my international law exam.”

 

“I’m going to _kill_ Dameron,” he huffs, pulling her closer and holding her tighter against him. “When is it over?”

 

“It’s one of those ridiculous 7:45AM sessions,” she answers, laughing into his shirt.

 

“I’ll pick you up after and take you to the airport the next morning,” he offers, hand reaching up to rub at the back of her neck. “Stay the night with me.”

 

“Okay, but only if you feed me.” Her grin is wide but hidden from his view.

 

“When have I ever not fed you?” His thumb is on her cheek now, his palm spanning her jaw as he shifts to give her a look that promises _more._

 

“Point.” Her eyelids suddenly feel heavy as arousal begins to gather between her legs, no doubt in response to the way he is looking at her. She kisses him, because she _can_ , and he returns it, taking her top lip between his and then the bottom, exhaling through his nose when she deepens it, dipping her tongue into his mouth.

 

“Friday,” he promises in between kisses, breathing a little faster, and she senses his reluctance when he eventually drags his lips from hers. “My office hours start in about ten minutes, and the exam for my class is tomorrow. You’re not _my_ student, but I don’t want your classmates getting the wrong impression.”

 

“Impression?”

 

“I don’t want them getting ideas,” he shrugs, making her even _more_ curious. His hands still cradle her jaw.

 

“Ideas about us?”

 

“Not even that. I’ve just had more than a few students attempt to…” Her stomach drops when his voice trails off, and his hands fall from their hold on her to adjust his glasses, his eyes shifting away, “...proposition me.”

 

“More than _a few_?” Rey laughs incredulously, thoughts moving a mile a minute at the possible situations that had occurred right in the small room they are in now.

 

“I was always very professional, just asked them to come back if they had questions about the course material,” he explains, “no matter how uncomfortable it was for me.”

 

Rey first feels mild relief flood her at the knowledge that he hadn’t taken her fellow students up on any of their offers, and then winces at all of her _Professor_ come-ons, even if they were in good humor. “Oh God, I’m no different, am I?”

 

He laughs, and she can see that it’s genuine from the way his eyes crinkle slightly at the corners. “You are something else entirely.”

 

Rey feels heat spread across her skin, and buries her face in his shirt again, sighing contentedly when he wraps her up in his reassuring embrace.

 

. . .

 

Teaching isn’t something Kylo thought he would necessarily _enjoy._ In fact, it wasn’t even on his radar until it became the easiest and quickest way to get away from Snoke; _teach a few classes, work on your dissertation and decompress._ Even now, he couldn’t regret his decision, what with how it had brought him closer to Dameron, and ultimately brought Rey to the front and center of his life. But _fuck_ if some of his students weren’t disasters. He couldn’t remember being that way in his early twenties, although Poe reassures him that he was, in fact, a _“shit show”_. Still, he doesn’t think he subjected any of his professors to some of the things _he_ has suffered through.

 

He is drawn out of his thoughts by a knock on the door to his office--looking at the clock, there are still ten minutes left of his posted office hours. He had sent the last student with an appointment away just a few moments before and typically rarely took students who didn’t have their meetings arranged prior but for once, he is feeling generous given that his final is the next morning. “Come in,” he calls out.

 

Kylo looks up at the student over his glasses; he doesn’t recognize him as one of his own, but he’s not one to keep track of every single face that comes in and out of his classroom. Plus, there were always the few skipped out on the participation grade entirely. “You have about nine minutes, and then I am heading out.”

 

“Big plans?” the student asks, his voice sharp and accent British.

 

Kylo doesn’t bother to acknowledge his comment. “Remind me of your name?” He keeps a log of every student that comes in and out--those who take advantage of office hours and those who don’t. It helped him immensely the year prior when he gotten a few bad course reviews from students who never even bothered to ask questions.

 

“Rey,” the student says, grabbing his attention. The red-head just smirks and sits down in the chair across from him. He holds his gaze for a moment, then quickly brushes it off, remembering that the name is relatively common.

 

“Last name, please,” he asks, his tone clipped as he writes _R a y_ on his legal pad.

 

“Kenobi.”

 

Kylo’s hand stills, his body going rigid in his chair. Jaw tensing, he looks up into the beady eyes of the smirking student before him. “How did you do it, _Professor?_ I’ve been wondering for what feels like _ages—_ ”

 

“I would select your next few words very carefully,” Kylo interrupts, his tone measured, but his heart rate picking up. The man pauses, just long enough to smile lecherously. There is a burning, sinking feeling in his stomach, _could this this one of Snoke’s lackeys come to taunt him? Threaten him?_

 

“I’ve been watching you both,” he says relaxing where he sits, causing Kylo’s muscles to tense and his mouth to become dry. “It started out as a sort of hobby for me. Rey is so…captivating. I’m sure you of all people know that,” his voice trails off, and Kylo grips the pen in his hand so tightly he’s surprised it doesn’t snap in half. “She looked so... _enticing_ in that Yale sweatshirt, don’t you think?” The delight in his voice is unsettling, and the realization of who exactly, was stalking Rey seems to be staring him right in the face. “So—how did you do it? How did you get her to spread her legs for you?”

 

All rational thought leaves him. Anger burns white hot through his veins, his vision quickly clouding over with red. In a flash of movement he is around his desk and has his hand fisted in the collar of the man’s shirt, dragging him out of the chair, out of the open door of his office and slamming him harshly up against the wall of the fluorescent lit hallway. _This is who had been stalking Rey. This is who had tried to hurt Rey._ “Stay away from her,” Kylo growls.

 

“I should say the same to you,” the man wheezes out when Kylo moves his forearm to push against his throat. He drags him forward slightly only to slam him harshly back into the wall again, not entirely in control of what is simmering beneath his skin, demanding violence. “She’s _my_ classmate. You’re a _professor_ ,” the man laughs out. “I was only too pleased when Snoke started _paying_ me to watch you both and report back to him. It was all just too convenient.”

 

At that, what little control Kylo had finally snaps. His brain bringing images of this man stalking Rey, going through her things, taking _those_ photos of her through her bedroom window. Drawing his fist back, he slams it into the man’s face before throwing him to the ground and doing it again, and again until the fury ringing in his ears quiets enough for him to hear someone else in the hall screaming out for him to stop.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading!! & for all of your comments and kudos!!! they are everything ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> We are both over on twitter & tumblr. Come say hi! 
> 
> Caroline: On twitter [kyleauxrens](https://twitter.com/aryastarksaryen>@aryastarksaryen</a>%20&%20on%20tumblr%20at%20<a%20href=).
> 
> Chelsea: On twitter [@benorganasolos](http://twitter.com/benorganasolos) & on tumblr at [soloish](http://www.soloish.tumblr.com).


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